We'd prefer a threesome, but we'll settle for a foursome

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, we got an email from a couple earlier in the week that made us scratch our heads a bit initially. According to them we had a lot in common. We looked at their profile and they were almost 200 miles away and evidently only seeking females. Since they were attractive, we decided wth and pushed it a little and just emailed them back and told them we were confused because their profile stated they were ONLY looking for single females. This was their reply:

While we'd prefer a female (who wouldn't?), we play with couples too.

They promptly got a "we don't think we're a good match" response from me. I wanted to reply back with "we wouldn't!". To me their reply while not really rude was a put down to the male half of any couple they may contact. We'll we'd prefer to just have your wife but if we have to settle I guess we'll take you too.

I realize there are a lot of couples who get into this because they want to fulfill the threesome fantasy and quite often they do end up moving more towards foursomes due to the lack of available single females, but something about this particular response makes me want to change our profile to say that I'm straight.

[2insandiego4u]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

...something about this particular response makes me want to change our profile to say that I'm straight.

Don't do that! It seems that a lot of couples who specify a straight female do that simply because said female won't "go down" on a girl, but receiving oral and other bi stuff is OK. At least this has been our experience thus far.

Like you, we tend to avoid couples who say they want females only. Why not just say couples and females if you're willing to be with couples? It's strange but we have also run into at least one couple who were interested, even though their profile said females only.

[JustAskJulie]

The reason I made the comment about changing our profile to say that I'm straight is because for us as much as I enjoy girl/girl play, it's getting old digging through the couples like this one (or the similar ones who say they are looking for couples but really only want girl/girl and same room fun, which while it's fun it's not really what we are looking for at this point), to find the ones who actually want a FOURSOME (or moresome) where everyone plays. At least when it says straight up front, there's no question that everyone is looking for a foursome..... truth is I could never change our profile that way, because I do like girls too much.

[socolais]

Do you ever wonder if you might have pulled the ejection lever too soon? People's preferences change over time and they might not keep their profile finely tuned to their current objectives. We all know how easy it is for emails to convey something different than what we intended.

How would your response have differed if their email said something like: "Yeah, we're mostly looking for unicorns but your profile looks so good we thought we'd have a closer look."

I've gotten a few of those "we're not compatable" emails. At the time, I wondered what information they had that made them feel so strongly that we weren't worth at least looking a little deeper. Yeah, I've sent a few of those "not compatable" emails myself but they were my response to their rudeness.

[slevin]

We are definitely open to threesomes with another girl, but we're open to couples too. In our profile we've listed couples and single girls as what we're looking for though, we think it's best to be totally up front about what you are looking for (we actively look for both) and expect the same from whoever we're talking to.

We have met a few couples who said they were looking for couples/single girls, but when we got talking to them the vibe was very much that they were mostly interested in Katrina and were just taking me because they had to. Definitely a crappy and rude vibe to get from someone and whenever we feel that kind of thing we just either bail or tell them we're not interested. We've actually gotten to a point where if there is some question in our mind that we cant put our finger on, we'll decline. Go with our instincts. After having one situation we should have avoided turn into drama we started going with our instincts.

[K&JIntimates]

I can see where Julie is coming from on this one. There is a real possibility that all this couple really wanted was a FFM and (maybe) there was something they read on Julie's profile that made them think she'd play separately. I dunno, but I understand her viewpoint of....

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

To me their reply while not really rude was a put down to the male half of any couple they may contact. We'll we'd prefer to just have your wife but if we have to settle I guess we'll take you too.

Awhile back we got an email from a couple that read...
"hi,

we are interested in having a female play with both of us while her man watches. if this sounds interesting check out our profile and let us know what you think or if you have any questions. the male might be able to join in but that will depend on how we feel at that time. hope this is ok with you guys. female only had her first experience with a woman a few weeks ago and we thought this would be fun."

This email perturbed me because this couple hadn't even looked at our profile nor had a profile that was filled out. Not to mention that the only photo on their's was a photo of her. I read this to mean, "Hey we're interested in your wife based solely on her photo but we'll take you along if we have to." I suspect that this couple (or man) just composed an email "net" to see if he'd catch anything in it. I wanted to send him an email that said, "Interesting, we're looking for a FFM too. When can we expect your wife?"

[sweet_tna]

Hmmm . . . I'm with Socolais and wondering whether you jumped the gun with the negative response, too. I know a few couples who generally prefer threesomes, but will play with a couple too, if the chemistry is right. That's what I got out of that email, anyway.

=)

[good times]

If we got an email phrased the way this one is that you got, we would have done the exact same thing. The way it reads to me is that, "we can't get what we really want, so we will settle for you." So no, we would pass, wouldn't even think twice about it.

I would be especially leery of it because you are listed as bi, it wouldn't surprise me at all if they agreed to start with G/G play and then move on to swap, and then when the time came, bail on you after the G/G play, I've seen it happen before.

We have actually started giving a lot more importance to how things are stated in a profile or email, based on our experience, than we used to in the past. We have noticed that even something so insignificant as the order something is said can indicate to us what they are primarily interested in. Since Mrs. GT is straight and has no interest in G/G play whatsoever, it makes it a little easier for us than someone who is open to G/G play though. What we have found is that if a profile emphasizes seeking a single female over couples we will almost always pass on them. While we have played with probably as many couples with a bi-female as not, it seems like the ones we have problems with, for example, the women that think they are the one who is going to convert Mrs. GT, are the ones who emphasize looking for single females in their profile. It has gotten to the point for us that, if their profile says "looking for couples and single females" we would probably respond back to them positively, but if it says "looking for single females and couples" they will probably get a "no thanks".

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by socolais

Do you ever wonder if you might have pulled the ejection lever too soon? People's preferences change over time and they might not keep their profile finely tuned to their current objectives. We all know how easy it is for emails to convey something different than what we intended.

Actually, no I don't think we might have pulled the plug too soon. Our instinct was to pull the plug after their first contact (when we looked at their profile and saw that they were a) a lot further away than we'd be likely to go to meet someone, b)only interested in females from their profile. But, like I said they were attractive so we did give them the benefit of the doubt and wrote them back letting them know that their profile left us a bit confused.

What killed it completely was the wording of their response:

While we'd prefer a female (who wouldn't?), we play with couples too.

. As much the "who wouldn't" as the rest of the response. Had their been more to the profile/email response stating that they actually did enjoy swapping with couples, etc, I might have agreed with you, but that wasn't the case.

Originally Posted by socolais

How would your response have differed if their email said something like: "Yeah, we're mostly looking for unicorns but your profile looks so good we thought we'd have a closer look."

Honestly, I don't know that it would have. I might have given it one more round of asking them, what activities they enjoy with other couples, but most likely in the same email would have pointed out that we are 200 miles away and don't really see us meeting up anytime soon. Especially since they are 200 miles south, not a direction we go in, and the rare occasions we do go that direction (unless we go even further than the stated 200 miles) we tend to find ourselves dissapointed. Had they been 200 miles north with the same situation we may have asked what activities they are open to with couples and then left it with a "we'll let you know next time we head up to nashville and maybe you can meet us there".

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

They promptly got a "we don't think we're a good match" response from me. I wanted to reply back with "we wouldn't!". To me their reply while not really rude was a put down to the male half of any couple they may contact. We'll we'd prefer to just have your wife but if we have to settle I guess we'll take you too.

That's exactly the response we would have given and for the same reason. If someone thinks they are having to settle with one or the other of us, they might as well just pass on by, we're both not interested.

[LFM2]

We've had those same emails too, and then, included in those emails, it's almost written as an after thought, "Oh yeah, (we almost forgot) we'd love to play with your husband, too". Well, lets make him feel like a third wheel, or in that case a bad spare. Julie, I totally understand your response to them and have done the same thing.

While it's funny that we don't mind if one couple would just like to play with one of us, while the other watches or whatever, it's in the way the other couple asks. You have to include both of us holistically, even if it's just one they want to enjoy.

[two42lovers]

You may have assumed facts not in evidence, but you did the right thing. Everyone is (of course) free to turn down any request you choose, for any reason or no reason. It doesn't matter - even if they were 10 minutes away. The next couple might get together with them and have an awesome time, but it's clear you would not have.

Just curious - what had they listed on their profile in the preferance graph? (Was it zero interest for men, zero for couples, and 100% for females?)

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LFM2

While it's funny that we don't mind if one couple would just like to play with one of us, while the other watches or whatever, it's in the way the other couple asks. You have to include both of us holistically, even if it's just one they want to enjoy.

Exactly, no one wants to be an after-thought. We come as a pair not, two spares!

[mrs good times]

Changing your profile to straight won't stop this. We had an instance about six months ago similar to yours, only in person.

We met a couple at the club that was really nice and fun to hang out with, but they were only looking for unicorn. We informed them that we were not interested in playing with them for this reason. We would see them every couple of weeks at the club, and we would visit, dance and even flirt a little, because we liked them as people. A few months ago they approached me about playing again. My response was very frank, because we had gotten to know them well. I said, "you don't even swap." When they responded back that they would settle for a swap, it made me mad, and I told them so. Needless to say we haven't seen them since.

I found what they said to be very disrespectful.

[slevin]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Exactly, no one wants to be an after-thought. We come as a pair not, two spares!

Totally! Whether we're meeting couples or singles the whole experience is something that we're doing together and it's important to both of us that we are included and don't feel left out at all. If either of us feels left out at all we'll either clear up the situation (why that is happening, it's happened to us that Katrina was feeling the other guy wasn't into her when in fact he was just nervous) or stop things completely.

We've been contacted by a number of single women as well who were obviously only really interested in being with Katrina and would put up with me to get to her. We're not interested in that either!