Swinging Individually

[Anngie]

We have been discussing opening up our relationship for the last several months. My husband’s sex drive has been great throughout our marriage, but lately mine has hit the stratosphere. it was his idea to investigate swinging. However, do to particulars with our family life it is nearly impossible to get time away together with my husband. So I have a question about swinging individually.
Do any or many here practice it? Is it really swinging? How many here have a boyfriend? Can it be done successfully?

Thanks for your input

[tittietwister]

Swinging doesn't usually start that way. It's fairly rare in my experience to have a couple where only one plays and it's usually the woman doing the playing. That's not counting men that are advertising themselves as couples but in fact are never availalble as a couple.

Some swingers couples permit separate play, as we do, with the other's knowledge and consent. My wife has a long-term relationship with a guy friend and sees another infrequently. I'm friends with both of them too but don't play with them - at least not yet.

Whether it can be done successfully depends on the emotional stability and security of the people involved.

[Anngie]

We definitely would start out in a club environment were he could hold my hand the first few times. I still may be all talk and no action with regards to this,

[willyoats]

After a lot of swinging together, I (male) am now the only one who is having sex outside of the marriage. She knows about every encounter and the three of us sometimes do (nonsexual) things together.

So, yes, it can happen and be successful. Whether it can be the way a good swinging relationship can start, I am not so sure. That depends mainly on how devoted he is to you and thus how unlikely it is that he will become enamoured with another woman to the extent that is weakens your relationship. Only you can be sure of that.

[rpu3]

My spouse and I are in what would most likely be considered an open marriage now, but we started by swinging together. In the beginning, we didn't consider playing alone, and we sure didn't consider changing our marriage definition; it was an evolution, and is likely still evolving.

Do any or many here practice it? Is it really swinging? How many here have a boyfriend? Can it be done successfully?

I think the majority play together, but some do play separately. There are plenty who argue if seperate play is or isn't swinging. It can be swinging, IMO, depending on the circumstances. I don't consider myself "swinging" at this time, but in an open marriage. We have the option to exercise a side of swinging if we so chose. I have a friend, my spouse has had friends and continues to meet people who may or may not be friends and so far, it is working out for all involved, IMO. My spouse knows and is casual friends, at least, with my friend. I meet his at a bare minimum.

Whether it can be done successfully depends on the emotional stability and security of the people involved.

I agree completely. Additionallly, being open/separating requires a lot of honesty and a lot of communication, which equals a lot of work. I wonder if that's why for many, separate play evolves out of the together, rather than starting out separate to begin with. There's no way we could have started out separately. We needed to find what we wanted, and we couldn't figure that out and articulate that without trying swinging together. And we didn't separate until we'd talked a lot, and even now with seperate friends, we still talk a lot. It's the only way it would ever work for us.

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by rpu3

My spouse and I are in what would most likely be considered an open marriage now, but we started by swinging together. In the beginning, we didn't consider playing alone, and we sure didn't consider changing our marriage definition; it was an evolution, and is likely still evolving.

Whenever I hear about a couple considering seeking their own comfort from the arms of another as individuals the warning bells go off. I think this post above is an important point and recommend you initially try to enter the lifestyle together and learn more about it before venturing off on your own or pursuing an "open marriage."

What you will learn is that as a female playing separately your opportunities will be limitless but you husbands will be very limited. You will have men and couples lined up down the street asking you to join them and he will be frequently snubbed and blown off if not downright scorned as "just another single guy looking for pussy" The reason I mentioned that is that he may quickly become dissatified and envious of the attentions you are recieving as well as his own lack of success. This could quickly strain your primary relationship which will be defeating the purpose.

Another concern I have is that even though you are basically happy with your marriage the fact is that you have a mismatch in sexual desire and that can be intrinsically problematic. Getting a little extra on the side may just the ticket for you and all will work out fine. However you do run the risk of finding something you aren't getting at home and that can cause problems. What happens if you find some hot stud that has a sex drive that matches yours perfectly and your attentions and energies start to shift to him or you husband becomes uncomfortable or jealous? I'm not saying don't do it, I am just pointing out some potential risks so you can address them from the outset.

My recommendation if you are going to go down this road is to investigate it and start out as a couple and do things togethr untill you know more about the lifestyle and know how you are going to react to other people being introduced into your bedroom.

I will also point out that when mrs gnb have a hot encounter together, we can't keep our hands off of each other for days afterwards and just discussions of it and remembering certain hot encounters will send us off to the bedroom so perhaps swining together may get your hubby revved up to your level and you will be happy and satisfied without going your own different directions.

[maniaco333]

What happens if you find some hot stud that has a sex drive that matches yours perfectly and your attentions and energies start to shift to him or you husband becomes uncomfortable or jealous? I'm not saying don't do it, I am just pointing out some potential risks so you can address them from the outset.

Why would anybody consider swinging if there is jealousy issues and were afraid of taking risks?

In our situation we too have an open marriage we play together as well as separate and like it was said previosly the women will have more offers and opportunities of play, if she decided to do so, so it all comes to a choice.

In our particular case I(male) have more alone playtime, but that is only because she is just not interested in nobody else at the time, however that door is open.

[JustAskJulie]

There are many swingers who do choose to swing seperately. It's about finding what works for the two of you. The one thing to make sure of is that you are both completely open and honest with each other. If you play seperately come home and tell each other every detail of what happened (which hopefully will just lead to another round of great sex). The key is to communicate with each other and find what works for you as a couple. I would definately suggest that he be involved in picking the guys that you play with, remember that guys can see things in other guys that we (women) don't pick up on as easily (just as we can do with other women). Trust him, so that he can trust you.

[Brian and Jo]

We have each other's approval to swing separately. It does'nt happen very often heterosexually but when it does we are completely open and upfront with each other. However Jo has a girl friend (one of the wives in the small group with whom we swing regularly) who she meets quite often for a bisexual encounter.

[Gladiola4u]

For us our main rule is to always play together. At first I went and played with another woman on my own and although it brought us great sex after that, we agreed that together was best for us. That is our rule and we do our very best to stick to it and so far have not broken that rule. But we have also said that if we ever happen to play on the side by ourselves then we would tell each other and make sure that we are always on the same page of what we like and prefer to do.
So far it's great and it's working out, but like mentioned before, it's about what works best for each couple.

[devilishDOMaz]

I had My first Swingers experience while in college and was dating a very open minded girl. This was a very intense time sexually and extremely placeable. After four years in the Army, I got Married a we started swinging as a couple within a year. After eight years if marriage I started dating and in every relationship until about three years ago , a span of almost twenty-five years was always into swinging in each relationship. How single I can say without question it is very difficult for a single man in the swinging scene . There is many more chances for single girls to meet realty good couples that are understanding and open to having a Lady join them and know how to treat her right. So I say yes to the Lady who is wanting to swing alone, you will be very well taken care of and most important treated in a very safe manner.