Instant connection - Few and far between

[des1re06]

We go out to clubs and resorts, send and answer emails, don't stand people up for dates, and generally have a great time. Basically, we make ourselves available, but rarely full swap because the connection just isn't there. Usually for hubby, as he has to have a certain attraction level to play. No, he doesn't have an ED problem; he likes to get to know the lady first. From what I've read here and discussions with other swing couples, this seems fairly typical that one or the other of the couple needs this. Thoughts?

Recently, we had a weekend that was different because I met a couple where there was instant attraction. We met in the pool, flirted, and invited them to our place. This all transpired within the space of about 2 hours of the initial meeting. I was especially excited, because this doesn't usually happen (spontaneous) with couples but does with singles. I took the bull by the horns, and didn't really have alot of input from hubby beforehand. I basically introduced them and let him know I wanted playtime with them. We had a great time, and look forward to seeing them again. Unfortunately, they live 5 hours away.

I enjoy spontaneity. Should I take the lead more?

Mrs. D

[willyoats]

The instant, almost overwhelming, attraction is pretty rare with us (and I suspect with most othere swngers, also). Usually there has to be a getting-to-know-you period. It has happened only twice for me and twice for my wife out of dozens of encounters. But when one of us had it, the other went along. In only one of the four cases did both of us have a terrific time. In the other three it was OK, but that was partly because we knew the other one of us was really turned on to their new partner.

This is not quite like a charity fuck because there was no real reluctance on the other's part. Each of us was responding, with love, to spouse's needs first and putting our own wishes second.

My advice: go for it when you have a really strong attraction. Make sure that your SO knows how you feel. Then, he/she is likely to have a good time too just because you are so turned on.

[ncmd_couple]

Mrs. D,

I think that there is a hesitation to initiate playing. I have found that if you talk to a couple for a while and seem to hit it of, someone has to ask the question, or nothing is going to happen. So I would say that if the signs are good, then take charge and ask them if they want to go play.

S

[realcplub2]

I would say it depends a great deal on the people that you meet

We have times where we met and hours later were all naked, and then there are times where for one reason or another we are still working on getting to that point..

For us there needs to be a connection beyond the usual, and for my wife, a level of trust needs to be built for her to feel comfortable naked with anyone.. Sometimes it happens quickly and others.. well, it just depends..

a great personallity and sense of humor goes a long way..

But as far as taking the lead more, I would tend to suggest talking to your husband.. If you a ready to make a move and he is still not there.. you might step on some very important feelings that will affect you well after the others have gone home..

[sweet_tna]

I say, "You GO girl!" I've had a similar thing happen with us, and it was a lot of fun. Sometimes a girl's gotta' do what a girl's gotta' do.

=)

[tittietwister]

I also must feel a connection with a potential playmate. Otherwise it's difficult to perform. I call it "needing a long runway". Some of the ladies really get annoyed. It only becomes an issue if a couple has different preferences (if one is a "swinger" and the other leans more poly). Different playbooks complicate operating as a team.

Whether you should take the lead more depends on hubby. You said you didn't get a lot of input from him. Was that because you didn't invite his input or was it understood that you would be making the decisions and that he was OK with whatever you decided? If the former then you need to talk with him. If the latter, have fun.

[des1re06]

We've talked more about this incident since it happened. His thought are that since he is the more laid back one, he trusts me to pick the right couples/singles for us. He is not one to ask, and instead of sitting back waiting for couples/singles to ask us, he's okay with me being the initiator.

Since he takes more time getting to know a lady, I was sitting back waiting for him to initiate, and that's not going to happen.

So, now that I have the green light, I can feel more comfortable asking couples/singles to join us. It's easier for me.

He'll tell me if he's not interested or if he just wants to watch.

This is a big hurdle for us, and I'm glad we got it worked out. Thanks so much for your input.

Mrs. D