Playing with a couple who doesn't use protection

[cocpl2007]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Ok.. lets kick this debate into really high gear..

The concept of protection, and its use is the biggest part of this.. So lets ask the question from the start..

Do you have your playmates glove up, from the moment the possiblity of fluid exchange begins? Do you use or require them to use a dental dam when supplying you with the gift of great tongue? Do you supply your oral gifts thru the ever present condom?

BECAUSE, if you really consider this, If you do not, then what is the point to cover up, for intercourse? Everything and anything you can GET, is delivered just as effectively thru precum, as it is thru ejaculate, or on the female side thru the juicyiest of juices..

And it doesnt matter HOW it gets in you, just that it has, Orally, Vaginally, Or Anally

Amen!

[rpu3]

BECAUSE, if you really consider this, If you do not, then what is the point to cover up, for intercourse? Everything and anything you can GET, is delivered just as effectively thru precum, as it is thru ejaculate, or on the female side thru the juicyiest of juices..

And it doesnt matter HOW it gets in you, just that it has, Orally, Vaginally, Or Anally

I'm not inclined to take on this particular debate because the stats/odds of transmissions of various STDs ARE indeed different depending on your gender and method of fluid transmission and the STD in question.

The odds of me contracting HIV through oral ARE lower than through intercourse. The odds of a man contracting HIV from a seropositive woman through intercourse ARE lower than a woman contracting HIV through intercourse with a seropositive man and we could debate until the cows come home about various transmissions through oral versus intercourse versus condoms versus without condoms.

That assessment of risk is why I require condoms for intercourse but not for oral - I can accept the level of risk for one, but not the other. Is it 100% foolproof or even 100% logical? Certainly not, but it is a well-considered decision for me based on research to date.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

How do you really know?

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Exactly. Even if someone says they normally use protection, you don't really KNOW what they do. It is up to each of us to take responsibility for our own safety, you can't expect anyone else to do it for you.

Exactly to both. I don't care how much you like other partners, how much you think you can trust someone or how much information you disclose to your partners - there is absolutely no guarantee than anyone is being 100% honest with you or is going to disclose their history and test results, etc., so that you can make an informed decision.

It's just easier to protect yourself - get the facts, mull those over and decide for yourself what your comfort level is, no matter what the end decision is.

I've figured out its a bit easier to require condoms for the time being, because I just can't trust the "I'm very selective" or the "I use condoms with everyone" rationales. Trusting that rationale is just asking to be burned because "selective" is subjective and "I use condoms with strangers or everyone" has great potential to be a big fat lie.

Could my particular stance change? Perhaps. At this point, I don't have a lot of faith in people or STD stats; I only have faith in myself and my particular safer sex practices are chosen in an attempt to be responsible to myself.

[BiloxiCouple]

Ultimate safety is no bodily contact or exchange of bodily fluids. Abstinence.

No matter what protection you use there is a risk of transmission of something.

Being selective? I repeat myself here, "How do you really know?"

We prefer bareback by the way.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Ultimate safety is no bodily contact or exchange of bodily fluids. Abstinence.

No matter what protection you use there is a risk of transmission of something.

Being selective? I repeat myself here, "How do you really know?"

Agreed to all, but especially as to the "selective". I've heard that once too often, and selective is completely meaningless to me as it is completely subjective. I should put a dead horse here on this point since I do agree with you a thousand times over as to how does one know anything?

We prefer bareback by the way.

Awww, why the blushing face?

[safireblues]

I don't understand when people require "selective". You can get stds from one person as easily as 10 people.

I am "oral only", particularly because I'm not comfortable with any risks surrounding intercourse. From oral, you can get herpes, and other infections you can treat with an antibiotic. The risk of HIV is something like .04%. I am comfortable with that risk.

The risks with intercourse are much greater, specifically for HIV. I know condoms don't protect you from skin to skin infections, but I do believe that because of HIV, if you are having anal or vaginal intercourse with someone who is not your spouse, you should use a condom.

I wouldn't require other people to feel as I do, but I would require any person to use a condom with me.

[Chris&Amelia]

In this case, does it really matter? You asked them to glove up, and they did. I'm assuming a great time was had by all.

Isn't that what it really boils down?

[BiloxiCouple]

It boils down to personal risk management.

I can torture the statistics and websites till they give me the results I want.

[willyoats]

When we started swinging possible pregnancy was our principal concern, so guys who were not safe were asked to use condoms. Only one ever objected (for the same reason mentioned in the next paragraph).

On the other hand, I had had a vasectomy, and I have never even been asked to use a condom. That is fortunate because I, like some others we know, can not seem to use them. We go limp.

For several years now, I have had vaginal intercourse with only one partner other than my wife, always without protection. She is still having sex with many others besides me but has never had anything worse than yeast infections. She is tested four times a year when she donates blood.

There is no doubt that there is a health risk out there in the swinging community, so protection is wise. However, there are certainly still lots of couples in swinging who are perfectly safe to play with bareback.

[Greg & Sheryl]

In our profiles, we are open about our preference for bareback. We are certain that drives away a number of potential playmates, but we are okay with that because we try to maintain respect for the comfort level of others.

A number of good points have been made about how you can never really know how safe your playmates have been, or about how test results are only as good as the day they were taken. However, the factors which determine our comfort level are not always rational ones, so we can understand how seeing a test result or hearing someone say, "I always use condoms," can ease someone's discomfort even if it doesn't make them any safer. Abstinence is the only way to guarantee one's safety when it comes to sexual activity, so it all comes down to how much risk we are willing to accept.