Does the term "Lifestyle" bother anyone else?

[cupl4fun]

The wife and I were talking about the term "Lifestyle" and we don't really like it (I know, who are we right?). It's just that this isn't a "lifestyle" for us. We love sex. We really like what little swinging we've done, but this isn't our "lifestyle." It's not who we are. It's not what we're all about. It's our adult fun time, but a "lifestyle"? Not even close. Does anybody else feel this way? Are we missing something?

(Just a side note. Has anybody else become paranoid about grammar in their posts now that we know it's Mrs. Olycouple's pet peeve?)

[sweet_tna]

The term doesn't bother me per se. It's more the hair splitting that accompanies the term . . . At what point does swinging become a lifestyle versus a hobby? There have been a couple threads on this topic already.

And no, I refuse to be any more paranoid about grammatical errors than I already am. (Because I just know everyone proofreads all my posts looking for me to make a mistake . . . )

=)

[VegasLee]

Don't let it bother you, just don't use it.


There are many that this is only a hobby to them, there are others that it has been their Lifestyle.

Use what works for you, really pretty simple, nothing to get bothered about.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

L and I have discussed this on multiple occasions. While many of our friends talk about being "in the lifestyle," L and I don't feel comfortable using that term for ourselves. We mentally wince when folks ask how long we've been in the lifestyle. We're OK with folks using that term for themselves, but...

Yes, playing is a part of our lives -- a major part -- but like sweet_tna says it's not who we are or how we live. Not sure how to describe our lifestyle, other than open-minded middle class professionals.

One difference in us and some friends who are big on being in the lifestyle is that they seem more into the social aspect -- hang out together even when they're not at the clubs, do non-swinging things together, spend the evenings at clubs talking, drinking, and dancing instead of playing. We're more into the playing.

So, not sure why we're not comfortable with that term, but even though we probably play more than most couples, we just don't feel that "in the lifestyle" fits us.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[good times]

No, doesn't bother me in the least.

[lustylearning]

Nope. So many terms... so many definitions... I don't mind picking this one and going with it.

[knb2004]

You have a point, I mean there's the whole question of a hobby vs. a way of life, etc. There's also the whole labels and symantics issues as well.

To me, what makes it a "lifestyle" is the fact that we have the swinging "gene". Not that it controls us, or dominates (or is even present) in all that we do, but when push comes to shove, it's who we are. I'd rather hang out with lifestyle folks even if playing is not on the table than average vanillas. The freedom and openness goes beyond simply trading spouses.

[cupl4fun]

"To me, what makes it a "lifestyle" is the fact that we have the swinging "gene". Not that it controls us, or dominates (or is even present) in all that we do, but when push comes to shove, it's who we are. I'd rather hang out with lifestyle folks even if playing is not on the table than average vanillas. The freedom and openness goes beyond simply trading spouses."

Interesting point. I know we would prefer to hang out with open minded people; we just don't know any. It's probably why I spend more time on this board than I should. If the lifestyle means being open, free, honest, and accepting then maybe we are more a part of the "lifestyle" than we realized. Thank You knb2004.

[Swingercast]

Doesn't bother me.

You say tomato, I say blow job.

Curiously, I have noticed many couples (including myself) refer to it as "The" Lifestyle. I don't frequently hear people say "My" Lifestyle or "Our" Lifestyle. I hear it mind you, just not as often.

Maybe it is a bit of a "us against them" mentality? For instance... (tongue in cheek) They are in The Lifestyle. We just go to clubs every week, have lots of sex with people we just met, are a FunHotCpl69 on SLS and put out a booty call for this weekend. Are we in The Lifestyle? My heavens no, we're just having fun.

John

[Chicup]

Whats a bit interesting to me is a lot of people seem to use lifestyle because the term swinger bothers them.

The first time I heard the use of 'lifestyle' it sort of seemed odd to me, still does really, but its just a synonym to me now.

[olycouple]

Ha Ha...thanks for the dig there, my friend! Don't worry...I'm not the grammar police...but if you'd like me to bend you over a car and fuzzy-pink-handcuff you for a misplaced period or comma, I can (tee hee!) . Besides, I'm far too busy dissecting my own mistakes to worry about anyone else's (most of the time).

As for your question...yes, it annoys me...but not enough to get my feathers rumpled. I wouldn't introduce myself or "us" like, "Hi, we're Mr. and Mrs. O and we're in the lifestyle...it's simply mah-velous...you should join"...makes it sound like a snobby country club or something. It's far more likely that I'd have one two many glasses of cabernet and say, "Hi, I'm Mrs. O and this here is my studly mancake Mr. O...we think you're (both) hot...wanna play?" The whole idea of tacking a label on it seems so, well...out of place. And I think it does denote a certain "we're in the club and you're not" vibe. I remember once a girl I met a rave asked me if I was in the sisterhood. I had know idea what she meant so I said, "I don't think so..." and grimaced with childish uncertainty. She told me that if I didn't know then I wasn't. It made me feel kind of shunned, so I immediately asked my friends what it meant. She told me that the girl was asking me if I was a lesbian. Whoa! Baby!...uncertainty immediately squelched! So, yeah...it's a silly little label, but...whatever...so is "swinger"...unless you have a swing...and then I guess it's a perfect description.

[ViSexual]

I think it's like the difference between 'soft swinging' and 'swinging'.

And, nothing's to say that, someday, you might want to escalate to the 'lifestyle'.

I've always thought of our experiences more of dilicious diversions than swinging.

And, you're certainly right, it's much more enjoyable talking to other couples who have also had some 'delicious diversions' too. You don't have to be careful about what you say.

[realcplub2]

Over the years it has come to bother me less and less..

For years we just referred to it as what it truly is to us..

Adult Playtime.. We never liked using the term swinging, or swingers..

But then we really arent into the labels anyway..

[JustAskJulie]

So many words, so little time. This is pretty much an annual debate... lifestyle vs. hobby. You make it what it is, you choose your term.. in the end they all mean the same thing.

Originally Posted by knb2004

The freedom and openness goes beyond simply trading spouses.

Originally Posted by Swingercast

Maybe it is a bit of a "us against them" mentality? For instance... (tongue in cheek) They are in The Lifestyle. We just go to clubs every week, have lots of sex with people we just met, are a FunHotCpl69 on SLS and put out a booty call for this weekend. Are we in The Lifestyle? My heavens no, we're just having fun.

These two posts are perfect examples ... even if they say different things. I tend to agree with KnB's description.. that (for us anyway) it goes way beyond just sex to the general open-mindedness and freedom that works its way into all parts of our lives. And I tend to think that those who have issues with any of the labels, very well fit SwingerCast's idea.

They are all just words. They only have the meaning you give them.

[bryanlee]

I think some people just don't like to be labeled in general. In fact, i would say that most people don't.

As long as you know who you are then the labels placed by others are meaningless. It is when you allow yourself to be defined by these labels and determine your thoughts or actions that there is a real problem.

Just my .02

Bryan & Sharon