What is the most important thing you've learned?

[JustAskJulie]

When it comes to swinging, what do you feel is the most important thing you've learned through experience? And/Or the one piece of advice you wish you'd gotten before you started swinging?

You can twist that around a bit, and what is the one piece of advice you feel that all newbies should get regarding the lifestyle?

[arvcpl]

I think the absolute most important thing is swinging is to put your partner and the relationship first and above all else. Everything should be based on the relationship and for the relationship. If you are ever faced with a decision the first questions should be, will this help "US" or will it hurt "US?" The second one person starts doing things that are all about themselves as an individual then pain and drama and problems are right around the corner.

[sweet_tna]

She who hesitates doesn't get laid. If you're at a club or party, and you're "courting" another couple, don't wait all night on them. They're either ready or they're not. If you're ready to play and they aren't, just MOVE ON.

=)

[socolais]

I think the coolest thing I've learned is that there are some folks out there that really do want to have sex with me. At first, I was really concerned that I'd get passed over and have a difficult time getting laid. I was always picked last for kickball and I guess I figured that pattern would continue. I was always shy about making first contact and flirting. I was plesantly shocked and a little embarrased when the women started hitting on me. Damn, this is cool!!!

[TNT]

DON'T take this too damn seriously...It's only SEX and it's suppose to be fun! If you're not having fun, what the hell are you doing this for?


Teresa

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by TNT

DON'T take this too damn seriously...It's only SEX and it's suppose to be fun! If you're not having fun, what the hell are you doing this for?


Teresa

this is supposed to be fun?? Damn.. now I know what I've been doing wrong all this time!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

She who hesitates doesn't get laid. If you're at a club or party, and you're "courting" another couple, don't wait all night on them. They're either ready or they're not. If you're ready to play and they aren't, just MOVE ON.

=)

This.

[ktimephoenix]

Still a noob, but here's what i've learnt so far.

I know it's hard (and suffered this myself), but don't go out thinking of getting sex, go out to have fun. sex is a bonus. i suffered ALOT because i put too much pressure on myself.

Also always be mindful of your partners boundaries. it's easy to get "caught up in the moment", but your relationship is far more important than lust.

[cupl4fun]

We've only been to one club but we learned that the lady in a couple needs to be able to firmly and strongly say no, because there are those who will try to take advantage.

[cataryna]

My current piece of advice.

What should you expect on your first visit to a club, party, or meet and greet?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

If you go to an event thinking you're going to hook up, then odds are you will probably leave disappointed and disenchanted. Additionally, if you go to an event thinking "I BETTER hook up" odds are you will probably leave disappointed, disenchanted and with this particular entitlement attitude, even a bit angry. This entitlement attitude is often in relation to the amount of money spent on an event, from the clothes you buy to the membership fee and/or door charge. Swinging is not necessarily a cheap lifestyle. The entitlement attitude is very easily read by seasoned swingers and is a huge turnoff. So remember...just cuz you paid to get in the door, that doesn't mean you're gonna get into the pants.

I constantly tell newbie couples that they should go into this with no expectations other than to have a good time with eachother. Remember that you're doing this together as a couple, so your first priority is to eachother. Anything or anybody extra is to be considered a bonus.

Ohh and one last thing not to expect. Do not expect that just because someone talks to you that it means they want to have sex with you. We're not all sex crazed maniacs LOL Some of us are just friendly like that.

[sahajacpl]

Originally Posted by arvcpl

I think the absolute most important thing is swinging is to put your partner and the relationship first and above all else. Everything should be based on the relationship and for the relationship. If you are ever faced with a decision the first questions should be, will this help "US" or will it hurt "US?" The second one person starts doing things that are all about themselves as an individual then pain and drama and problems are right around the corner.

We fully agree. Both of you must be on the same page or the "same bed" if you are going to swap mates, fuck someone else's spouse and have fun to boot.

[Jareth]

The most important thing... well that implies one, right?

Here goes:

*I believe in the power of now. Nothing is as important as this moment and what I make of it-- if a situation needs to be addressed, then who is going to address it? I am. When is it going to happen? Right now.

*When I do anything, I just do it. If there is only intent, then there is only reward.

*Labeling something as advanced/difficult is a limiting beliefs.

*I can do this; I can do this well; I can do this right now- these are limitless beliefs. I don't sabotage myself by calling a task hard/difficult/advanced. I instead view it as something that I can do right now, something that I will perfect at my leisure.

*Candor: with myself and everyone I know.

*Fairness: I never cheat for or against myself. I deserve what I have for better or worse.

*I don't break the rules, I break the game

*I'm generous. When someone asks for one thing, I give them eight




-Jareth

[bryanlee]

Don't over think it!

Enjoy yourself.

Don't go along with anything you aren't comfortable with.

Always speak your mind.

Trust your partner implicitly. If you can't, find one that you can.

Talk about it...whatever it is.

[tittietwister]

It's difficult to narrow it down to one thing but if I had to pick I would say honesty in the relationship is the most important factor. By that I mean the ability to communicate your desires and concerns to your partner in an honest, non-threatening, non-accusatory manner. You don’t want one partner feeling like they are taking one for the team or compromising their morals or ethics in the name of community service or in some sense of obligation to the other.

[willyoats]

Assuming that your relationship with your primary partner is solid and that you are REALLY ready for swinging, then go in to swinging with:

1) No expectations or preconceived notions about what it will be like or whether you will be successful. Things will turn out as they turn out regardless of what you thought they should be. So, if you don't say to yourself that "things should go this way or that way" then you can't say to yourself afterwards "damn, that isn't what I thought it would be." If you are constantly disappointed, maybe swinging isn't for you!

2) A complete trust of your own gut feelings. When some niggling feeling says "this isn't quite right, but maybe it will work out OK anyway," it probably won't.

By the way, when we started swinging, I violated both 1) and 2) above, much to my later regret.