Over-Analyzing and Thinking too much

[JustAskJulie]

I just read this thread: Why the heck DO I swing anyway??? - Long, read at your own risk

I think this thread needs to be a MUST READ thread for every swinger.... even though RPU3 was a newbie when she posted this, what she described is not only common for newbies but for many of us. The over-analyzing and over-thinking that we do of everything, the worrying that we might have left the wrong impression or done the wrong thing. Or thinking back through a situation about all the things we did wrong and what we should have done - even though it really doesn't matter at this point because it's now past tense.

So read that thread (or at least the initial post) and know that you are not alone... and feel free to come back here and share your experiences with over-analyzing and over-thinking swinging.

[twohots4u2]

We agree, over-planning or trying to choreograph the event can be overwhelming. It is not a skating performance, it is three people getting together for fun. And, it best to try to let it just go naturally. Having said that, we also have nerves getting ready to meet other swingers for the first time. The nerves are part of what makes it exciting!

I am the laid back one of our relationship, my gal is the over-stressed one. So, we agree on the ground rules, her likes and dislikes, and I do all the arrangements for our meetings with others. That way she can relax (sort of).

The division of labor works for us.

[sweet_tna]

Maybe it's the fact that I'm a planning nazi, but those little details (where and when) don't phase me a bit. As far as the over-analyzing .. . as much as I'm prone to doing that in every other aspect of my life, there's really only been two swinging-related situations/issues that have put me in that mode. I've been able to just relax and go with the flow for the most part. But I also think Mr. Sweet and I have been incredibly lucky thus far.

=)

[socolais]

Overthinking is an easy trap to fall into, especially for us INTJs (we have back-up tooth brushes, planning comes as naturally as breathing). Spontaniety is full of unknowns and those uncertainties make me feel uncomfortable especially in a social setting and even more especially in a social setting where sexual activities are mostly assumed. We've been doing this for a year now and I'm finally getting to the point where I can fully relax and enjoy whatever pleasures the moment happens to hold. Now that I'm more familiar with the somewhat normal proceedings, I'm becomming comfortable just letting things happen. And the cool part is that when I can relax and let it happen, I usually have much more fun than I could have planned for (a perfect incentive program).

Sometimes "overthinking" is just part of the price of admission....

[cplnuswing]

We both do this more than we would like, although we have tried hard and probably do less of it now that we have a little more experience. We try to point it out to each other when we think it is happened and reassure the other that it's no big deal or something to be worrying about.

I guess based on the difference in how our minds work, she is more likely to do it in the moment or shortly after something happens. He is more likely to do it after the fact when it's all way past tense - logic says not worth worrying about now, but logic and reason can be easily overcome by emotion when you suddenly realize you think you have embarrassed yourself or someone else by saying something wrong, gave off the wrong signals or missed some obvious ones sent your way, etc.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by cplnuswing

He is more likely to do it after the fact when it's all way past tense - logic says not worth worrying about now, but logic and reason can be easily overcome by emotion when you suddenly realize you think you have embarrassed yourself or someone else by saying something wrong, gave off the wrong signals or missed some obvious ones sent your way, etc.

This is me to a tee. Then add to that that I get the "I should know better" feeling going on. So I always end up looking back at what I could/should have done differently. Usually in the end after much re-examination I find that it wouldn't have mattered if I'd done anything differently... the outcome would have been the same (or in some cases worse).

[olycouple]

Ha ha! I read the initial thread and had to laugh out loud...talk about an out-of-body experience...I could've written that myself. I, too, come to the boards to research all of my questions and find that I have no need to ask or start my own thread because someone else has already done it a dozen times before me. And the answers just lead me to more questions, which pull up insecurities I didn't know I had and make me wonder if I can or should actually try to pull this whole LS off. The whole idea DOES sound fun, but it IS a lot of work. I got married so I could stop working so hard at dating! Okay...not really true, but I did think that whole somewhat exciting/demoralizing/scary/frustrating activity was over...and then we decided to swing. Now, here we are again, dating as a team (which is a little better because at least we get laid even on a bad date and we can heal each other's egos). Occasionally, we talk about how tough it is and worry about whether we should continue. I think that's normal though...

Thanks for directing another (planning zealot) newbie to another informative thread! Mrs. O