Fairness in swinging and in sex....

[JustAskJulie]

I was just reading through this old thread: Can there be "fairness" in swinging?
and it got me thinking a bit about fairness overall in both swinging and in our personal sex lives. How do you feel? Do you make an effort to make sure things are "fair"? in how you approach swinging. Or do you feel as another person said in that thread that:

If either of us are gratified we both win.

.
And what about in your sex life? Does one of you feel that it's unfair if one of you gets off and the other doesn't? Or if one of you gives oral or manual stimulation without getting anything in return?

[LFM2]

We don't really keep score with stuff like that. In our personal sex life, if I don't have a big "O", it's not the end of the world. I don't have to "O" to have good sex.

If I give Dave oral, it's all good. I know he loves the way I do oral, so it's all good. If it's not reciprocated, it's still good. Sometimes, I get too antsy anyway and I don't give him a chance to give me oral.

[VegasLee]

Same with us, never keeping score at all.

If one of us is happy we are both happy.

[cvcple]

We dont keep "score" either, but, for whatever reason if one of us dosnt reach the big "O" with a play partner (which very rarely hapens), we always make sure each of us has before we call it a night. I dont know if that is considered fairness or just making sure we are both satisfied.

[fun4Ds]

In regards to the thread , Can there be "fairness" in swinging?. Sure we work on taking care, that our partners needs are taken care of. Does everything come out equal ? Not all the times. Sometimes one of us gets more that the other, if we look at it like that. But, (in time) it becomes equal again .

We never started out with, I get to do this and you get to do that in return for fairness sake. I don't think we ever talked like that about any of that in the beginning. We played with couples, everyone is getting their fair share. Then as we progressed Mrs.fun was getting more MFM's.. That certainly wasn't unfair. After all, it was me in the beginning, that wanted us to do that. We just didn't realize how much she was going to enjoy it also. Everything seemed fair enough all to this point.

Then looking back over the last year. I have been getting more FMF's than anything. Can't complain about that being unfair. She is bi and getting it just as good as I am. Last night we hooked up on the spur of the moment MFM again. Not to even the score card, but just opportunity and convience came its way

I don't know, I think I tried to make a score card out for fairness....

Ripppp...I just threw it in the trash....Mrs fun just said, It doesn't work for us

[JustAskJulie]

Most of the responses have focused on equal Os... but another aspect that hasn't really been hit on much is how fairness relates to swinging.

Both play or none play? The idea that a MFM threesome may not be fair to the husband, since the wife is getting to have sex with someone else but he isn't. Or couples who only have FMF because the husband is insecure about the wife being with other men, is that still perfectly fair since both partners are getting to be with the woman (even if the female partner would like to be with other men as well?)

[VegasLee]

I guess that would all depend on what you call fair.

We don't look at fair as one or the other has to have another partner to be fair. Each has to enjoy their self and what they are doing though to be fair.

If Laura parties with all the guys at the club in one night and has a good time I tend to also have a good time. Never been let down yet.

I guess some would say it is not fair because I did not get to party with all the women at the club that night also. We never look at it that way.

We do know many that feel it is not fair if they don't get as much "strange" as their spouse does. Just never worked that way with us though.

It is all about what we do, not who we do that makes this work for us.

[sweet_tna]

Yes and no. Do I keep score on who orgasms or gives/receives oral? No. Relationships and sex are rarely a 50/50 enterprise. But yes, I/we treat others with respect, and do what we can to give our partners (and each other) a pleasurable experience. So in that sense, I think we try to be "fair".

=)

[red96]

We are into MFM for the time being, since we are new to this the Mrs. isn't sure about sharing me but it under discussion. I get pleasure from her pleasure and the voyeurism involved in our encounters. I have never felt jealousy or that it wasn't fair to me not to have another woman to play with. We enjoy a very active sex life at home and the sex after an encounter is truly incredible. There are a few couples that we chat with and I have been asked this same question by one of them, it never occurred to me that what we are into isn't "fair" to me. I get to go home with a sex charged woman and have her all to myself.

[JustMrJ]

So far my wife has had more partners or repeat partners than I have.

Do I care... NO! We are both enjoying the play with and without each other as we get to relate to each other later the 'play by play'.

The big O is not as important as the enjoyment of all involved. I try my best to find "that spot" with my partners so that they can have the big O. But primarily I want them to feel good as a whole. I pride myself on my sensuality as well as my 'technique'. Massage, tongue bath, caress, kissing, oral clitoral stimulation and of course penetration and finding just the best 'angle to the dangle' for the various 'spots' to be triggered.

My wife also just wants to enjoy what she's doing with her partner. When our partners are happy, we are happy. So far we have had partners that feel that it's a two way street and have given as good or better than they got.

As a friend of mine said... "It's all good... "

*HUGS*

[notaswingeryet]

This thread made me think of the old adage "If momma's not happy ain't nobody happy". But is that fair? Even though we don't swing, I am allways trying to lean the "balance of happy" in my wife's favor. Her happiness makes me happy. I'm not going to get upset abought the fact that she had multiple orgasm and then grabbed a vibe after, whereas I only had one and haven't quite got my breath back yet. The fact that she's happy is in itself an ego boosting thought. Fair is what works for you. If the swinger police have to keep track of who did what to whom, and balance the happy load, would it be fun anymore?

[twohots4u2]

We find it very enjoyable watching the other be pleasured.

[2inVT]

We don't keep score. Sometimes one of us has a way better time than the other. It all evens out, I think.

We do expect, if we get together as a couple with another couple, that everyone plays. We also get together with singles, and we don't tally up how many were MFMs, how many were FFMs - we just have a good time either way.

[willyoats]

When we started, we had more or less equal experiences all of the time. This included MFM about half of the time. I always enjoyed that so much that I didn't care that I was not screwing a different woman. We never thought about "fair and balanced" experiences until the night my wife had two different encounters (without me) and I had none. That was the first, and only, time I ever thought about being short changed. We talked about it (as we did about anything that ever bothered us), and decided that she would never have more than one other guy in any evening unless I was playing also. That is the only explicit "rule" we ever had in swinging. Otherwise, (just about) "anything goes," and we usually had a great time.

[tittietwister]

To me, when most people speak of fairness it is from a self-centered perspective. I try to ensure she has the most fun and best experiences. My main focus is her, not me.