Sheltering Newbies from the Negative....

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, the changes in Nashville have led to some "interesting" discussions with local swingers. This comment came across from someone who felt that we should not discuss the changes in Nashville in our local Yahoo Group..

We have alot of newbies that are scared enough and for them to see posts on the negative side does not help at all.

It has always been my belief (and a big part of the way that I run this site) that is just as (if not more) important for newbies to be aware of all of the possible negatives of swinging as it is the potential positives. The positives are easy enough to spot and too often the negatives are overlooked while newbies have blinders on to only see the positives.

So what do you think? Should we shelter those who are new to the idea of swinging from the possible negatives of swinging and the risks they are potentially taking?

[redgirlwithfrec]

Absolutely not. This site waas one of the first we went to when deciding if this was something we would want to do or not. We believe that everyone should be well aware of all the positives as well as the negatives in order to make a well informed decision. If we have not said it be for Thank you all for the +/- advice we have read and received.

[Alura]

We should tell newbies (and everyone else) the truth. Sheltering them would be like sending Marines into battle and not telling them the enemy would be shooting at them.

Mr. Alura

[Chicup]

Depends.

The problem with message boards in general is that often people post on them only to talk about their problems.

Now SB has done better than many (swinger/nonswinger) in having people talk about positive outcomes and general advice but....

If I were a true newbie with only an inkling about swinging, I could come away with the concept that swingers are generally overweight, can't get their dicks hard without viagra, think drinking some strangers breast milk is a major turn on, get constantly stood up by people they contact, run into cheating males regularly, well you get the idea.

Now most people will be smart enough to see through that sort of thing, and the SB isn't that focused on the negatives really, but it can create a negative impression.

I imagine a smaller group where people know each other and the key seems to be bitching about whats going on, would be a major turn off for new people.

[tittietwister]

We have been at this a year and still feel new enough not to have all the answers and experienced enough to understand how easy it is to forget how difficult it can be, particularly for senstive people, just starting out.

We had some difficult, negative experiences starting out. We are very sensitive people and so probably feel the hurts more than we should. The problem we had can be summed up by having to learn so much by trial and error. So many say this isn't complicated but we find the nuances of lifestyle social dynamics in various venues to be very tricky indeed.

What really helped us was finding an experienced lifestyle couple who unselfishly offered guidance and situational advice (in addition to play!) based on our experiences and desires - lifestyle mentors! It did not matter that we differed in what we were seeking. They had such broad experience and empathy that they could offer relevant advice to us that actually worked. On several occassions after a negative experience I would call to discuss and they would critique our account of events and tell us what we did - right and wrong. Now as we become more successful and expand our circle of friends we are able to help them expand theirs. I think they also find it interesting to be able to see the lifestyle anew again through our experiences.

Everybody wins in the long run through little acts of kindness to others.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I imagine a smaller group where people know each other and the key seems to be bitching about whats going on, would be a major turn off for new people.

I can agree with you there... if you join a group - especially if it's connected to a club or a social and all you read is bitching whether about things within that club or others, then I think anyone would get turned off.

In the end if people are scared to post for fear that someone might get offended at what they post, they won't post anything at all. we've even seen that here as it is probably one of the top reasons why many lurkers don't post.

[iapr]

[quote=Chicup;333591]

If I were a true newbie with only an inkling about swinging, I could come away with the concept that swingers are generally overweight, can't get their dicks hard without viagra, think drinking some strangers breast milk is a major turn on, get constantly stood up by people they contact, run into cheating males regularly, well you get the idea.

Now most people will be smart enough to see through that sort of thing, and the SB isn't that focused on the negatives really, but it can create a negative impression.
QUOTE]

This is exactly why I think this board and others like it are so important. Breast milk aside, all those other things ARE current issues and things that newbies and veterans alike frequently deal with or are at least concerned with.

When newbs start making their first tentative steps into the lifestyle they are concerned about their body image and whether they are going to be able to perform and whether people are going to accept them or not. I think it is important for them to be able to come here and see that they are not alone in their concern and that there are others who have delt with their exact concerns and have survived them

If they can see that someone encountered an overwieght cheating male with a breast milk fetish that can't get it up and so he stands people up, but yet they survived and carried on people will gain courage and confidence from that.

When people see that others have delt with adversity and were able to overcome it and survive and move on it I believe it will encourage others to take the leap more than it will to throw in the towel and run in fear. Informed conscious choice is a powerfull concept.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Chicup

If I were a true newbie with only an inkling about swinging, I could come away with the concept that swingers are generally overweight, can't get their dicks hard without viagra, think drinking some strangers breast milk is a major turn on, get constantly stood up by people they contact, run into cheating males regularly, well you get the idea.

Ah, the average swinger.....not so?.

Actually, even though chicup may have described the average swinger a little too close to the mark , he makes a good point. Often times discussion forums tend to be biased toward the negative. While that is the way it usually is, I don't know of any way to change that. I really don't see the point of having a discussion at all if you are not going to tell the whole truth. And I also have an aversion to holding bake on my views in order to be PC to one group or the other. So I can't imagine myself heeding any advice to hold back to protect the newbies, or anyone else for that matter.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by IAPR

If they can see that someone encountered an overwieght cheating male with a breast milk fetish that can't get it up and so he stands people up, but yet they survived and carried on people will gain courage and confidence from that.

OMG That was great! Sad part is that guy exists somewhere.

[loveohio]

As a newbie, I just want to say PLEASE DON'T SHELTER ME!

I spent weeks reading thru this board before even registering...and before our first playdate.

I had heard most of the potential positives (thru hubby's sale pitch!) and this board reinforced what he said, but even more importantly it clued me in to many of the not-so-positive situations that could arise.

I agree that most forum posters (myself included) may be more motivated to post when upset about something - but as a newbie, I appreciate learning about the negative aspects of swinging.

I'd much rather get a heads-up from reading others trials/bad experiences than to have to find out myself the hard way!

I believe that reading posts here - both good and bad - has streamlined my learning curve on this new adventure.

By the way - thank you all for that!

[bryanlee]

Keeping the truth whether positive or negative from people would be irresponsible, however i believe that everyone is responsible for themselves and their own actions. If you are diving into any type of uncharted area you should ensure that you have taken the necessary precautions, educated yourself as much as possible. You should never rely on the word of any one person, website etc when taking a leap such as this. These are all just tools one should use to arrive at an informed, educated and responsible decision.

Just my two cents

Bryan & Sharon