Playing on the first meeting

[K&JIntimates]

I was just wondering, since I see this sometimes on online ads or in posts around here, about not 'playing' on a first meeting.

How prevalent is it to meet a new couple (say for drinks) and then play afterwards? Is there some kind of unwritten etiquette that dictates no sex on a first 'date'? I mean, it's understood no pressure or expectations, but is it uncommon to play on the first meet if all parties desire to do so?

~J

[N&G]

There is no unwritten etiquette, just their own rules for whatever reason they choose. We play on the first meeting if everyone is comfortable and don't see why we shouldn't. We can go to a hotel or house party and have sex with people that we've never seen before so why should it be any different with someone that you meet for coffee or drinks. We've also found that a lot of times if you don't play right away you never play because nobody can come up with a date that works and after a month or so they are never heard from again.

[theflamekasters]

It all depends on the situation. If everyone is ok with it, then we will. It depends on how much we have comiunicated with a cpl. If we meet for dinner, or meet them with there kids, if that applies, we wont. It all just depends on the situation!!

[K&JIntimates]

I'm of the opinion (like many others) that if you're all getting along and there is attraction then why shouldn't you play on a first meet. I mean, you go to the club, house party, LS event just meet another couple(s) and have sex with them. (Not universally but you get the point.) Hmmm, maybe I should have put this into a poll. Do you play on a first meet outside of LS environments? lol

[two42lovers]

Yes, we most often play on the first meeting, too. Once in a great while we do meet people who say they don't play on the first date, and we're happy to go along. Problem is if they live more than an hour away (and since we are in a rural area most do.) Have to admit if we had to pick between two equally interesting profiles, but one said they won't play on the first meeting, we'd pick the one without the no-play rules.

[iapr]

IMHO the term "we don't play on the first date" is a euphemism for "we reserve the right to not fuck you if you turn out to be a smelly, dirty, obnoxious pig once we meet in person.."

Now there are people that truly do have an actual policy against playing on a first or second or 15th date and their reasons and rationales are valid but I think for many that is just their way of saying that they do not want to feel obligated to have sex with someone just because they have agreed to a meeting.

In the end it always comes down to attraction, chemistry and comfort and none of those things are ever guarenteed untill you are there live and in person.

We have in our profile that we DO play on the first date if all are interested and yet there have been countless first (and 2nd and 3rd etc etc) dates where we have not played. And there have been times that we have played on the first date with people who have "we don't play on first date" plastered several times in big bold print all over their profile.

[two42lovers]

Yes, there is always the possibility someone doesn't mean what they say, or maybe there are exceptions. No one meets with expectations for sex (or else if they do they are morons.) Writing rules in your profile that you don't really mean is a big red flag.

If the only reason they put "won't play on the first date" is to reserve the right not to play if they don't feel it, isn't something a little bit off? (or maybe a lot off - of COURSE they won't play if they don't feel it... what are they trying to accomplish by putting it in their profile?)

We would have to wonder if maybe they meet a lot of people but seldom if ever play (and that's fine, but there it is.)

[JustAskJulie]

I think some people put that in their profile even when they may actually play on the first date... just as a precaution.
1. They don't want people to think they are just bed notchers who jump into bed with everyone.
2. They don't want others to assume that meeting them = having sex with them.

We have ended up playing the first night we met other couples, each of the times we've played.. but for us that's typically at an on-premise swinger club. Moving things from dinner and drinks to playing takes a little more effort and a lot less spontenaity (IMO).

[two42lovers]

It's a bit of a different animal meeting people at on-premise clubs. Putting "we don't play on the first date" in your profile is kinda irrelevant if you are doing initial meetings at sex clubs.

If the question is about meeting a new-to-you couple in a vanilla setting, the assumption is there are only so many free nights available to you, and do you want to devote one of them to meeting this particular couple?

If their profile says "we never play on the first date", we very well might think twice before devoting an entire evening. Not saying we never do it, just saying we take what they say seriously.

Even if they said "we often play on the first date" we'd still go with no expectations. Maybe that's the issue. The "no play" rule is fine, but it is an expectation. It's one thing if they (and we) are saying "we'll see", it's a different question if it's "no way" from the start.

If they are being coy, saying one thing but meaning something else, it's a whole different issue. Sounds like inexperience. Best to say what you mean and mean what you say.

Nothing wrong with being into multiple dates and going slow. When someone puts "we won't play on the first date" or "friends first" on their profile, we consider it seriously. They want to go slow.

There are people who only play a very few times a year, and they really take their time. There are other people who go to clubs and play within 60 minutes of meeting someone brand new to them. Some do both.

[3sumff]

We have played on the first meet. I don't see anything wrong with it. I mean if you have good rapport with other couple, things are going well. Why not? We wouldn't even give it second thought!

[good times]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

Yes, we most often play on the first meeting, too. Once in a great while we do meet people who say they don't play on the first date, and we're happy to go along. Problem is if they live more than an hour away (and since we are in a rural area most do.) Have to admit if we had to pick between two equally interesting profiles, but one said they won't play on the first meeting, we'd pick the one without the no-play rules.

Yep this is pretty much how we feel about it too.

We almost always play on the first meet, and usually, if we don't play on the first meet we never will. About the only time we won't is if it is "that time of the month" for one of the women (which at our house usually corresponds with when we travel out of town or are on vacation), or some other technical reason. If we do hit it off though, we don't see any reason to wait.

[LikeMinds321]

There certainly can be a number of reasons why people put "don't play on first meet" in their profile, but I think that statement is most often included for these two reasons:

1. They aren't comfortable with turning people down who ask for sex. They haven't developed a confidence level to handle it. So they protect themselves by having their profile say "no sex..." This way they can walk away without having to reject someone face to face.

2. They're "friends first" swingers and to them it means taking plenty of time to get to know you before they'll have sex with you, even if they like you oodles on that first date.

We've had sex on every first date we've been on, when we all clicked. We hesitate to write to couples who wouldn't be open to this.

Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today!

LM

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

We almost always play on the first date, if everyone is interested after meeting. We're less likely to reply to profiles that say they don't on the first date.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[2inVT]

I think our profile says we don't usually play at the first meeting.

We have encountered a fair number of singles and couples who want to set the first meeting up as a play date. We are not comfortable planning to have sex with someone we've never set eyes on in person.

We don't want to "lead someone on" into thinking we're guaranteeing sex when we meet them for the first time. We don't want them to go to the expense of a hotel room on that assumption, because we're not going to share the cost of a hotel room we don't use.

We also want to be sure that everyone wants to fuck before we plan to fuck. It just works better for us to meet, however briefly, then let everyone go to neutral corners to decide if they want to play. We're not interested in having someone fuck us because, how to put this, they aren't comfortable saying no in person.

We like to meet, go home and talk about it, and if we decide to play, we make another date to do so. In between the meeting and the playtime, we stay in contact, and talk about their boundaries, our boundaries, and all the naughty things we want to do to each other. Kind of extended foreplay LOL.

This is what works for us. You gotta decide what works for YOU, and that's the way you play it.

House parties are a bit different - but we often play separately at those, so it's not a question of "do all four of us want to do this."

[tittietwister]

2inVT - agree 100%!