The Ultimate Excuse

[JustAskJulie]

"It's that time of the month". Have you ever used this excuse when it wasn't the truth to avoid playing with someone?

[two42lovers]

No. We feel it's best to never give reasons or excuses. We find it's best to say "it won't work for us".

If you feel the need to come up with lies as excuses, the implication is you NEVER want to play with them. It would be very bad form to say something like "I would play with you but I can't right now" (as in your example.) Sends the wrong message, and amounts to playing games. If you never want to play with them, best to say "we don't feel we are a match" in a friendly, respectful way.

[good times]

I agree, even though it may seem to be an "easy out" at the time, it just puts off the inevitable time when you have to let them know you aren't interested in them at all, and their are just to many ways things like this can backfire. Not the least of which is, if in a club setting, fate almost guarantees that 5 minutes later you will get the play opportunity of a lifetime that you would then be obliged to decline for fear of the couple you lied to finding you out.

[SJK977]

We were just discussing that the other night... Because that's what the couple who we were with said. We seemed to have a good time. Hopefully it wasn't just an excuse!

[JustAskJulie]

I can't see anyone using this excuse if there was any desire whatsoever to play in the future... but perhaps if they just aren't comfortable that particular night. Or I will admit I have used it when there were other issues going on (yeast infection for example) because it just didn't sound as bad. In that case we will say that I'm broken, and if the person we say that to doesn't understand the meaning, we'll just say "it's that time of the month"... cuz quite honestly who wants to know that you have an infection.

[sexcupid]

I used it one night at a hotel party...but it was the truth. I was hoping AF would have the decency to start on Sunday...but didn't.

And it's certainly not because I didn't want to play...and I am not adverse to having sex during that time of the month...but you never can tell if the other male is a 'just throw some towels down and all is good' or an 'eeeewwwww, you me to do what!?!?!?' sort of person. For the record, I don't expect any oral activities during that time...but for some folks it's a no go.

So far I can't think of a time that we've used an excuse to not play with someone, ie: that time of month, oh my it's getting late, etc etc. The only one we have is my sweetie's fucked up work schedule, which usually has him working Saturdays and Sundays. So if we do go to a party on Saturday night...we don't want to be rolling home and getting in bed at 5am.

[sweet_tna]

No, I haven't used that one. I can see preferring "that time" to an infection, but otherwise I'd prefer to be straight up with people. As mentioned in another thread, you don't want to give anyone you're not interested in hope that there might be play down the road.

=)

[JustMrJ]

"A good soldier is not afraid of a little blood... "

Not my quote... just remembered it as funny. I have 'had' my wife at the very early or tail end of her 'cycle'. No big deal... rinse it off and put it away, same as always.

[iapr]

That wouldn't work on me because if I like someone and want to love 'em up real well I am perfectly ok with making whatever accomidations to make them comfortable and I am perfectly ok with it being a soft swing event.

If you tried to use that as an easy-out excuse on someone like me you would just end up having to come up with another excuse and that one may be even more awkward.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by iapr

That wouldn't work on me because if I like someone and want to love 'em up real well I am perfectly ok with making whatever accomidations to make them comfortable and I am perfectly ok with it being a soft swing event.

If you tried to use that as an easy-out excuse on someone like me you would just end up having to come up with another excuse and that one may be even more awkward.

If it's the truth (or if I'm using it as an excuse because I have something else going on "down there"), and someone tried to get me to play anyway, it would turn me off towards them. I'm not one of thos who likes to play during that time (and if it's an infection even more so).

A guy trying to get me to play anyway when I've already given that reason would be considered pushy and doubtfully wouldn't get another chance when there wasn't anything going on down there.

[two42lovers]

"It's that time of the month". Have you ever used this excuse when it wasn't the truth to avoid playing with someone?

Your OP senario didn't say anything about a yeast infection. If the issue is you would play but can't, it's one thing. If the issue is you don't want to play with a particular person and are making up a lie so you don't have to own up to it, it's very different.

If it's the former, why lie? Why not just say "it isn't good for me tonight, but a future time will work." If it's the latter, why lead them on?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

Your OP senario didn't say anything about a yeast infection. If the issue is you would play but can't, it's one thing. If the issue is you don't want to play with a particular person and are making up a lie so you don't have to own up to it, it's very different.

If it's the former, why lie? Why not just say "it isn't good for me tonight, but a future time will work." If it's the latter, why lead them on?

I actually did bring up the yeast infection thing in a later post.

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I can't see anyone using this excuse if there was any desire whatsoever to play in the future... but perhaps if they just aren't comfortable that particular night. Or I will admit I have used it when there were other issues going on (yeast infection for example) because it just didn't sound as bad. In that case we will say that I'm broken, and if the person we say that to doesn't understand the meaning, we'll just say "it's that time of the month"... cuz quite honestly who wants to know that you have an infection.

The question overall was whether or not anyone has used the "that time of the month" excuse when that was not the case. I later provided my reasoning for why I have and would use that excuse when that is not actually the case. The original post wasn't a scenario, just a question in general.

As far as saying "it isn't good for me tonight....." I can just see that leading to a "why not?" fest in which I'm still going to have to either go on to say "well gee, I got this infection ya see..." or I can just go with the easy answer of "I'm broken"... which unfortunately, not everyone understands either so you still have to explain the brokenness.

[two42lovers]

Yes - but of course the white lie yeast infection thing really changed the question into "I can't play and don't need to go into the reasons" verses "I don't want to play with YOU". Note how you said you'd take it badly if someone tried to talk you into playing on your period. Why wouldn't the same apply if you simply said "not tonight"?

Should swingers buy into the idea we have to give reasons for our preferances? If someone asks "why", we'd tell them (with a smile) one should NEVER ask another swinger to justify their preferances. No means no and it's bad form to ask why.

It's also bad form to leave them in doubt. Either say "can't play tonight, but maybe another time?" or say "we don't feel we are a match". No real reason to cook up a white lie.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

Yes - but of course the white lie yeast infection thing really changed the question into "I can't play and don't need to go into the reasons" verses "I don't want to play with YOU". Note how you said you'd take it badly if someone tried to talk you into playing on your period. Why wouldn't the same apply if you simply said "not tonight"?

Should swingers buy into the idea we have to give reasons for our preferances? If someone asks "why", we'd tell them (with a smile) one should NEVER ask another swinger to justify their preferances. No means no and it's bad form to ask why.

It's also bad form to leave them in doubt. Either say "can't play tonight, but maybe another time?" or say "we don't feel we are a match". No real reason to cook up a white lie.

The same would apply if I said "not tonight". If I gave any reason for not playing (whether just tonight or NEVER) and someone attempted to push me to do so anyway, I would not think too kindly on them.

I feel like you are taking personal issue with what I'm saying and I can't help but wonder if this is just one of those conversations where two people are saying basically the same thing but in different ways to the point that they each think the other is totally disagreeing with them.

The impression I'm getting from your posts is that it's never ok to say "I'm broken" regardless of the reason. Whether I'm broken becase I'm on my period or I'm broken because I have a yeast infection I'm still broken, so it's the truth.

Yes, there are two different issues being discussed within one umbrella question. The umbrella question being "have you ever used the excuse "i'm on my period" when it wasn't the truth. That leaves a lot of doors open. I'm sure that some have used it simply as an excuse not to play. I've agreed with you on the point that that would be pointless as it is just saying "not tonight" when you probably mean "not ever". However, I went on to state that I personally have used my period as an excuse when it was not true, but I was in fact still BROKEN just in a different way. Saying "it's that time of the month" in that case was not a "we don't ever want to play with you" but "we can't play tonight". In that case, it was the truth, the only difference was that to me it sounds a lot less gross to say that I'm on my period than to say that I have an infection. Whether I said, it's that time of the month or I have an infection, or gave any other reason for not playing THAT night, I would get rather annoyed if someone continued to press me to play when I've already stated Not Tonight.

[theflamekasters]

themrs had a hysterectomy this year, so we cant use that as an excuse