What does "friend" mean to you?

[JustAskJulie]

We often see the term "friend" bandied about in relationship to swinging. Many feel the need to be "friends" first or whatever. But one thing I have seen from reading so many threads over the years (and from my own life) is that the word "friend" means different things to different people and you can have "friends" on many different levels.

The truth may be that they are only an acquaintance and you are just "friendly" but if you introduced them to someone else you would probably say "this is my friend....."

And we like making "new friends" even tho sometimes we may never see that friend again, or may not see them for many months or keep in touch in the meantime.

But then there are also our Friends, people that we know would be there for us if we need them and we would be there for them, people that we can always be ourselves around, etc.

But then there is my best friend... I can be myself around her to an extent... but she doesn't know about my swinging or what that website I run is really about. But I've known her for almost 20 years and love her dearly and she is one of the few people I would go out of my way to see, or who would without my having to ask, jump on a plane to Reno just to see me get married.

So for us we have friends on many different levels... but we still call them all friends. But then we don't fall into the "friends first" category of swingers... so I wonder for those who do fall into that category does "friend" have a much more narrow meaning?

[alphaplaycpl]

For us true friends would be our ideal hope. Many times, we take steps to "cover our tracks" as swingers with vanilla friends and with family. Its great to at least have someone you don't have to worry about "slipping up" with in your life.

But, with regards to swinging, I discovered about two years ago, that I have a much higher attraction to a person once I have spent time getting to know them. I like to laugh with them, flirt with them, and so on. If I feel that I can truly be myself with a person, I am much more open, as well. It makes me feel more comfortable, and I have a sense that I am not hopping into bed with an ax murderer. Do we have to be close friends to play? No, not necessarily, provided there is a significant amount of upfront chemistry.

"Getting to know you" or "friendship" can be defined as simply spending enough time to connect with you ro it can mean true friends. And the truth is - each couple we meet is different. Some we have great sex with, but maintaining a friendship is like watching paint peel. Some are dearest of friends, that even if we don't play, we love to see them.

Friendship is a tricky thing, though. It can mean that it is difficult to stop communication when you need to. Sometimes it is just not meant to be.

[slevin]

Tough question

We fall into the category of swingers who want to find people we can be friends with. That hasn't happened yet so all the couples that we have played with so far we've only seen once or a small number of times before deciding not to keep playing with them. That even happened when we played with a couple we were already friends with! (they brought some drama with them and we're not interested in that). So perhaps we're still being swinging newbies, but we'd really like to find a few couples and maybe some single girls that we can develop a friendship with overtime while we keep seeing them to play too. What does friend mean in those cases? Well to me it could be a pretty wide range of types of friends from people we enjoy the company of but aren't close emotionally with all the way up to people who become close friends that we care for personally.

In non-swinger friends we have the same kind of levels of friendship that you refer to. Not a formal declaration of what the levels are or whatever, but I have my best friend who I think of like a brother. I'd do just about anything for him and consider him the person I am closest too after my wife. I have a small number of very close friends (3) who I care about a lot and are very close to me. Outside of that I have a lot of friends but they tend to be a mostly social kind of friend that I enjoy spending time with, maybe do different activities with (friends I shoot with, friends I ski with etc.), but they aren't really very emotionally close to me. Some of them could probably be looked at as acquaintances, but I think thats another group of people altogether, the people who I have fun with when I see them out, but that I don't call or talk to frequently or regularly.

In all of that, it's not really a conscious thought of who goes where. It's more of letting things fall where they may and loving the people who become close.

[Tia Vampire]

A true friend or best friend will be there for you through thick and thin, Someone that will not stab you in the back for what ever reason, and someone that you can talk to when you are hurt or when you need someone to talk to.
Someone that is just a friend is someone that you enjoy being around and hanging out with. Someone that is just a friend is more like an associate for us. Our true friends are introduced like this....This is so-n-so, my best friend.

[knb2004]

Well, they say a friend will bail you out of jail at 2AM. But a true friend will be sitting right next to you, saying, "Damn, we sure fucked up!".