What things have kept you from swinging the way you'd like?

[JustAskJulie]

I know life often gets in the way for all of us, whether newbies or not. This question is especially for those who haven't had their first time yet. What do you feel has kept you from doing so?

For those who are active already, what things do you feel have kept you from swinging as often as you'd like? (Or if you swing as often as you like, let us know how often that is).

[brbull13]

Kids and trying to have a third is the biggest obstacle.

[aklovers]

Obviously the biggest thing for us is where we live. Smaller population equals less swingers, no clubs and a lot of people who know eachother.

[cocpl2007]

We are looking for something that is very much out of the mainstream.

[Pinmonkey]

The wife mostly. She's the one that wanted to get into it, and I followed (like an obediant begal on the leash. lol) Then we tried to get pregnant, and did. Now we have a 1 year old, and the family is not very dependable as baby sitters (they are never available). And some health problems. So after the one or two experiances we've had, that might be it for us.

[Bama0468]

kids! we are looking at their departure to college with mixed feeling on one hand they will be gone, on the other hand ... they will be gone!

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by cocpl2007

We are looking for something that is very much out of the mainstream.

Ok...this has me curious...what precisely are you looking for that is so far out of the mainstream? I did read your profile. Beyond the slightly veiled distain for those you consider less intelligent than yourselves because of their hobbies or interests, you don't seem to be looking for anything more unusual than many other ads I've read. Perhaps I'm missing something?

As for my response to the OP...the things that limit us are very similar to the limits that others have mentioned. Primarily what affects us most is Jeff's work schedule. He can pick and choose his days off, but usually takes days off during the week and works the weekends because that's most beneficial to the type of work he does. Most parties are on the weekends, and we like to make the effort to go, we just can't be out as late as we would like all the time.

[good times]

For us lately, it is the lack of couples we find attractive that are into the same version of swinging that we are. Even though we have only been actively swinging for about 6 years, it seems like the amount of couples we run into that want to swap with no girl/girl play are becoming much more of a minority than when we started.

[Pensacolapair]

Issues, Issues, and, oh yeah..Issues!
Four years ago, we would have answered this question "absolutly nothing!

In our opinion, 'issues' are quite different from preferences, which tend to define sexual attraction. What we term as 'issues' are those things that shouldn't have any bearing whatsoever on potential playmates - but do.

In Cali when we wanted to play, there was an abundance of fairly issue-free potential playmates... so we played. However, since moving here, the only complaint we have about our new home is that this area is a whole different ball of wax Lifestyle-wise! While we have met some great people here, on the whole the local Lifestyle community has waaay more issues than we care to deal with, and for us that makes for a much less enjoyable scene.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by cocpl2007

We are looking for something that is very much out of the mainstream.

I gotta know what you are looking for.

Originally Posted by Pensacolapair

Issues, Issues, and, oh yeah..Issues!
Four years ago, we would have answered this question "absolutly nothing!

In our opinion, 'issues' are quite different from preferences, which tend to define sexual attraction. What we term as 'issues' are those things that shouldn't have any bearing whatsoever on potential playmates - but do.

Can you give an example of what you are describing as an "issue"?

[imsherona2]

For us, it just seems to be priorities more than anything! We don't have "children" issues, jobs that interfere with the week-end play, etc., it just seems that the interest or desire has waned somewhat and it just isn't as important to us as it used to be. I know that some swingers are so into the lifestyle they are swinging every week-end and throwing in a week night as well, and that's great, but for us, once a month, if that, does it for us. Do we miss the people we have met at the parties? Sure...but we try and keep in touch with them outside of the swing lifestyle as well.

We had been away from the lifestyle for almost 7 months after Mike's motorcycle accident, and when we finally went to a private house party, we hardly knew anyone there and felt out of place. Mind you, this was a place where we had been host and hostess, giving tours, etc., but the faces had changed and we really didn't feel attracted to any of those new faces...so we left early!

We hope to get back in the "swing" of things once we get moved to Oregon, which hopefully will be sooner rather than later.

[Pensacolapair]

Can you give an example of what you are describing as an "issue"?

Sure...Where you live, how much you do (or don't) make, how much (or how little) education you have, what kind of car you drive and on and on. We are constantly amazed at how self-concious about many things folks we have met in this part of the country seem to be! Many do a 180 in attitude once they find out you aren't originally from this area. It's a kind of reverse snobbery that strikes us as incredibly silly. We really don't care about most 'issues' of this type because we aren't trying to impress anyone and really hope they don't feel having such things will impress us.

We are by no means wealthy, nor are either of us Rhodes Scholars..but we have managed to achieve a comfortable standard of living and squeezed in some additional education along the way. We have some nice stuff because we like it, planned for it, and worked for it. We sometimes seriously get the impression that others would feel better if we apologized for that...which ain't gonna happen!

An example: For New Year's Eve, we thought it would be out-of-the-ordinary and fun to have a pool party for several couples and a couple of single women we know. We turned on the pool heater 3 days before the party - only the second time we'd ever turned it on and (as anyone who has a fair sized pool knows) shed a silent tear for what we knew was going to appear in our next electric bill! The night of the party, it was a blast - the weather even cooperated with relatively mild evening temps (or maybe it was the various types of 'anti-freeze' at the bar ). Things didn't break up until after breakfast the next morning! One of our single female friends who stuck around and helped us clean up related a conversation she'd had with 2 of the couples, neither of which we had previously known or played with (some of the couples we did know, and considered cool, asked if they could bring a couple with them, to which we said, "Sure, why not..?") The gist of the conversation was that the purpose of the party was "to show off" and that the reason that we didn't play with them was because we "felt we were better than them"! One of them went on to infer that it was because we don't play with white couples! The fact that there was only one other black person there(the wife of an interracial couple) besides ourselves completly eluded them. Two months later, we met and got to know a couple who told us that we were nothing like so-and-so had said we were..guess who Couple so-and-so was? Yup... one of the speculators at the party!

Issues, Issues!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Pensacolapair

An example: For New Year's Eve, we thought it would be out-of-the-ordinary and fun to have a pool party for several couples and a couple of single women we know. We turned on the pool heater 3 days before the party - only the second time we'd ever turned it on and (as anyone who has a fair sized pool knows) shed a silent tear for what we knew was going to appear in our next electric bill! The night of the party, it was a blast - the weather even cooperated with relatively mild evening temps (or maybe it was the various types of 'anti-freeze' at the bar ). Things didn't break up until after breakfast the next morning! One of our single female friends who stuck around and helped us clean up related a conversation she'd had with 2 of the couples, neither of which we had previously known or played with (some of the couples we did know, and considered cool, asked if they could bring a couple with them, to which we said, "Sure, why not..?") The gist of the conversation was that the purpose of the party was "to show off" and that the reason that we didn't play with them was because we "felt we were better than them"! One of them went on to infer that it was because we don't play with white couples! The fact that there was only one other black person there(the wife of an interracial couple) besides ourselves completly eluded them. Two months later, we met and got to know a couple who told us that we were nothing like so-and-so had said we were..guess who Couple so-and-so was? Yup... one of the speculators at the party!

Issues, Issues!

Wow. That's sad. It reminds me of this thread.

[cocpl2007]

“Beyond the slightly veiled distain for those you consider less intelligent than yourselves because of their hobbies or interests, you don't seem to be looking for anything more unusual than many other ads I've read. Perhaps I'm missing something?”

Sorry to hear that our profile contains an inference that we consider anyone “less intelligent” than ourselves. Not at all our feeling on the issue. We enjoy all sorts of activities and entertainment. Just because we are not attracted to Boarders, Harleys, NASCAR, TV, bars or clubs does not mean that we believe those that are, are any less intellectually capable that we are. We just would not share the same interests. What is does mean is that a significant number of the mainstream swinger community are looking for something quite different...no better, no worse, just different.

[intuition897]

Wow. How much time do you have??

Mr. intuition and I have been inactive "swingers" for about 5 years now. It's the reason I'm so scarce around the board nowadays. I just can't feel right about giving advice about swinging when we have been out of the loop for so long. If/when we ever get back to playing it will be like starting from scratch again.

I've said before that our life is crazy, and we've noticed that it hasn't gotten any better on its own.. lol First it was Mr.'s job when he went back on shifts. He started smoking again, we lost a lot of sleep, hardly saw one another...then I went to full-time work, too. We've got a hefty mortgage, farm equipment payments, two spoiled kids (11 and 13), horses to keep fed, trimmed, vaccinated and fenced, and a BIG chunk of property that needs to be transformed from an overgrown scrub-brush forest to lush hayfields. My God, my to-do list literally never ends. We live 45 minutes from work, so we're all up early, home late, homework, dinner, laundry, housecleaning, plant some fenceposts, hay the horses, riding lessons, make lunches, buy the groceries... I feel like I'm carrying two full-time jobs! The pace our life has been going has just become overwhelming after being dragged along behind it for this long. So the result is that we're just in NO position to swing right now, even if we did have the time. We need to re-organize and re-prioritize our out-of-control life, and until that happens there's just no point in going back. Besides, 5 years of bad eating, no exercise, lots of stress and lack of sleep have caught up with both of us. We've got some SERIOUS work to do before we feel good enough to get out there again.