The term "vanilla"

[nillagrrrl]

I just have to giggle at the use of the term "vanilla" among swingers. Having been immersed in the so-called "alternative" lifestyle for the better part of the last two decades (I'm a lesbian), "vanilla" was tossed about frequently, though usually to refer to hetero couples who had vaginal intercourse in the missionary position. It was also used to describe gay folk who practiced what are considered by most to be the "primary" sex acts (lesbians: oral sex with or without hand pentration, gay guys: anal sex and oral).

Imagine my mirth when I arrive here and see that I now fall in into the "vanilla" category. Funny. I bet I do more exotic things with my one partner than many swingers do with multiple partners.

Not a swinger, but not vanilla. Maybe I'm cookies 'n' cream.

[two4youinswva]

The BDSM community uses the "Vanilla" term as well I believe. It's a term that I'm sure was borrowed from one lifestyle by others. There's other interchangeable terms in use as well. You've got "Gaydar", we have "Playdar".

Originally Posted by nillagrrrl

Funny. I bet I do more exotic things with my one partner than many swingers do with multiple partners.

Possibly true. We don't use it to describe someone's freaky-fu, though. For us, it just means a couple that is monogamous. Also, we don't in any way consider it a pejorative term.

[JustAskJulie]

I think most alt lifestyles actually use the term vanilla and when it boils down it really isn't just "not swingers" but basically "straight" folks who aren't into any alternative lifestyle.

I wouldn't call someone who was into BDSM but didn't swing Vanilla. So in the end, our definition of vanilla and yours (from the gay community) are pretty much the same.

[nillagrrrl]

"Freak-fu." I like it.

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think most alt lifestyles actually use the term vanilla and when it boils down it really isn't just "not swingers" but basically "straight" folks who aren't into any alternative lifestyle.

I wouldn't call someone who was into BDSM but didn't swing Vanilla. So in the end, our definition of vanilla and yours (from the gay community) are pretty much the same.

lol, so We weren't "vanilla" even before our first party (dom/sub and Mrs Phoenix is into rough/pain)

[JustAskJulie]

Even "Vanillas" use this term to describe people too (fill in the blank) for them. I was watching House tonight and the dr asked an actress if she was dating an actor and her answer was "He's too vanilla for me".

[two42lovers]

Yeah - we don't mean anything pejorative at all by vanilla. To us "vanilla" simply means "serially monogamous", as opposed to those who engage in no-strings recreational sex. Lesbians can be vanilla, just like straights. It isn't about what kind of sex acts you like. Of course, it's just our opinion - your opinion may vary...

[sweet_tna]

You mean "vanilla" isn't just an ice cream flavor?!?

=)

[sereneiders]

As I understand the term "vanilla" is used to refer to those having a "softer taste" than the (sexual) tastes shared by the group you belong to. Everyone thinking he or she have "stronger" taste than the average guys, is able to call the average guy "vanilla".

As an example, BDSM lifestylers may call "vanilla" even a swinger, just because the later doesn't enjoy leather whips... while at the same time be called "vanilla" by the swingers just because he or she wouldn't dare to share their bed with other people.

And it is ok for we all to use the word this way. I don't see where's the problem. This isn't a contest to determine who's the one with "strongest/weirdest" tastes.