Interesting Attitudes, even among us friends

[havefuninsun]

I was just re-reading Julie's thread on "just because I say hello doesn't mean I want to fuck you." A lot of attitudes folks have about swingers, if they find out you swing, is they'll fuck anyone.

Do us swingers think that too? Did the recipient of Julie's email take the fact that they received an email that she'll fuck anyone?

Then I was thinking about the response threads that reminded us all that sites like SLS are hookup sites, and if you receive an email on those sites, the implication is that you may want to hook up with them.

Interesting. When I get those emails, and when I send those emails, the first stage is an exploratory stage. To determine if there's a connection. I don't necessarily think, at first, there will be a hookup (a lot of the time I hope so! LOL). I look at SLS as a directory of like-minded folks who accept swinging.

As most non swingers, and even some swingers, think that swingers will do anyone, do they also think all gay people will do anyone? With those attitudes and thought processes, does it then mean that all hetero people will do any other hetero? Do all vanillas do any vanilla? Will bi women do anyone?

I like to think of "us" as progressive thinkers. After all, we've all thought through sex and having sex outside of our relationships. That, I think, is pretty deep. So why do we still get caught up in such close-minded attitudes? Why do we find ourselves thinking that swingers will fuck anything or that gay people will fuck anything?

This also parlays into the attitude towards bi-males in the lifestyle. Dear straight guy: guess what? Mr. bi doesn't do everybody either ... he can resist you, I just know he can.

[JustAskJulie]

do they also think all gay people will do anyone?

No just other gays! LOL.

Seriously.

Thank YOU! You expressed my thoughts so much better than I could.

When I get those emails, and when I send those emails, the first stage is an exploratory stage. To determine if there's a connection. I don't necessarily think, at first, there will be a hookup (a lot of the time I hope so! LOL).

I'm glad I'm not the only one. For a bit I was worried I had just spent too much time HERE and had missed some obvious fact.

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

Mr. bi doesn't do everybody either ... he can resist you, I just know he can.

Hehehe... nicely put

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

A lot of attitudes folks have about swingers, if they find out you swing, is they'll fuck anyone.

Do us swingers think that too? Did the recipient of Julie's email take the fact that they received an email that she'll fuck anyone?

Many vanillas do have that attitude. A vanilla friend and I were having a discussion recently about live sex shows that can be found in some European counties and the comment was made "I guess the people that do that for a living are swingers." I was like "ummm, no, they are paid performers, just like porn stars here in the U.S. I don't think swinging works quite like that."

Maybe some swingers do have the swingers fuck anyone attitude, but I would hazard to guess they aren't very successful swingers.

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

Then I was thinking about the response threads that reminded us all that sites like SLS are hookup sites, and if you receive an email on those sites, the implication is that you may want to hook up with them. Interesting. When I get those emails, and when I send those emails, the first stage is an exploratory stage. To determine if there's a connection. I don't necessarily think, at first, there will be a hookup (a lot of the time I hope so! LOL).

I think this all boils down to what I said in Julie's thread - people hear what they want to hear, and what they do hear has passed through their own personal filter. It they are comfortable with getting right to it, then they are going to interpret an email as let's hook-up. If their style runs more to the Friends First type, then they are going to hear it only as interest in taking the first baby step in a perhaps long process of developing a friendship then MAYBE hooking up. There is a comfort range we all have somewhere in that continuum, but we all don't have the same range. What may be too pushy or moving too fast for some may be too slow or too much of a project for others.

[sweet_tna]

For starters, I'm gonna' clarify my response to Julie in the "Hello doesn't equal I want to fuck you" thread. It hasn't occurred to me to try sending out a friendly "hello" email prior to an event. I generally do that on the event forums on sls when a new person posts. My reasoning for this is that unless I'm an organizer of the event, I figure that email would be perceived as an indication of interest in hooking up.

For the record, I also stated that I would not necessarily get that impression myself if I had received that email.

Do I believe Julie, or the majority of members on this board will just fuck anyone? NO. However, there are people of that ilk in the lifestyle, and in all other walks of life (gay, bi, vanillas, politicians . . . ). Unfortunately, those bad apples do tend to at least give the perception that the rest of the bunch is spoiled.

That said, what is it that ultimately brings us together on this site? Sex.

I'm reminded of a chat I had with a playmate in the days leading up to our first date. We had agreed that if we all clicked, then we were all willing to play on the first date. They were new and only comfortable with soft swap, which was fine with Mr. Sweet and me.

Mr. Y asked me if I thought I might like to have sex with him that night, if all worked out (full swap). I told him I thought it was very sweet of him to ask, but that I couldn't help be amused. After all, they sought us out on a swinger's website (I thought) because they were interested in having sex with us at some point.

Was I feeding into this perception that swingers are out to fuck anyone that will have them? (I certainly hope not)

=)

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

As most non swingers, and even some swingers, think that swingers will do anyone, do they also think all gay people will do anyone? With those attitudes and thought processes, does it then mean that all hetero people will do any other hetero? Do all vanillas do any vanilla? Will bi women do anyone?

many people do think that gay people will do anyone of the same sex. it's one aspect that causes homophobia in people (the silly thought process of "i'm scared of gay guys because if i bend over in front of them they may rape me".)

Vanilla's don't have this stigma attached. why? because they think each other "normal", despite that couple liking it doggy, that one with the lights on, and that one enjoys porn.

the reason I think that swingers, like Gays, are seen as "they'll fuck anyone", is that being a swinger, and being gay, is attaching an identity to a person based on sexuality.

a vanilla may be identified as a "teacher" a "mother" a "friendly guy" or whatever, but those labels are not sexual. we swingers, just like gay guys and girls, may be any or all of the labels given to "vanilla's", but because people who aren't sexually open can't move on from the sexual aspect of the identity, they assume it overwrites all aspects of that persons life.

in my opinion, the difference between the "vanilla's" and "swingers" "sl*ts" "players" and the openly gay is that Vanilla's are obsessed with sex, but try to repress it. we are openly sexual.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by ktimephoenix

many people do think that gay people will do anyone of the same sex. it's one aspect that causes homophobia in people (the silly thought process of "i'm scared of gay guys because if i bend over in front of them they may rape me".)

I'll agree with that. It's always been funny to me that those that are very homophobic are still vain enough to think a gay guy would think they're "hot".

Originally Posted by ktimephoenix

in my opinion, the difference between the "vanilla's" and "swingers" "sl*ts" "players" and the openly gay is that Vanilla's are obsessed with sex, but try to repress it. we are openly sexual.

I can't completely agree with this.
I know quite a few vanillas that appear to have a very satisfying sex life.
(If I'm understanding your statement correctly)

[funcpl4life]

Quoth havefuninsun: "This also parlays into the attitude towards bi-males in the lifestyle. Dear straight guy: guess what? Mr. bi doesn't do everybody either ... he can resist you, I just know he can."

Thank You. People don't believe me when I say it. Maybe they will when you say it.
1) I can't explain my criteria but maybe 1 in 50-100 guys is hot to me.
2) I don't want to do anyone male or female that doesn't want to do me. That holds 0.00000 interest.
YMMV
Mr.FC4L

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

I was just re-reading Julie's thread on "just because I say hello doesn't mean I want to fuck you." A lot of attitudes folks have about swingers, if they find out you swing, is they'll fuck anyone.

I'm glad you put your thoughts in this thread. I hear what you are saying, but I like to understand people as well .

Do us swingers think that too? Did the recipient of Julie's email take the fact that they received an email that she'll fuck anyone?

No, I don't think so. I could never imagine that as swingers, we will fuck anyone or everyone. We are in a long term, loving, relationship. Would we be here in our relationship if we would fuck anyone ? I would like to think NOT. We give that respect and benefit to anyone in the lifestyle. We cant judge what others intentions are, without knowing them. If its a couple, we presume they are just like us.

Then I was thinking about the response threads that reminded us all that sites like SLS are hookup sites, and if you receive an email on those sites, the implication is that you may want to hook up with them.

Yes, A site like sls is a hook up site. The difference is, most couples don't fuck anyone or everyone. We just have a different option now in our lives, to have sex with other people... together. We like that option

Hooking up,with compatible people for sex, is the #1 reason we are on Swinglifestyle. Other wise we would be on JUST FRIENDS IN INDIANA.

Interesting. When I get those emails, and when I send those emails, the first stage is an exploratory stage. To determine if there's a connection. I don't necessarily think, at first, there will be a hookup (a lot of the time I hope so! LOL). I look at SLS as a directory of like-minded folks who accept swinging.

Well, we have some things in common We hope for the best also, but we do have our guards up for the worst.... Why shouldn't we ? We are experienced enough to know that we are not compatible with everyone.

Exploring stage, I like that idea

As most non swingers, and even some swingers, think that swingers will do anyone, do they also think all gay people will do anyone? With those attitudes and thought processes, does it then mean that all hetero people will do any other hetero? Do all vanillas do any vanilla? Will bi women do anyone?

I cant help but think anyone who lives with those beliefs, are going to receive their own enlightenment.... whether they like the answer or not.

I like to think of "us" as progressive thinkers. After all, we've all thought through sex and having sex outside of our relationships. That, I think, is pretty deep.

It is deep..... Deeply erotic

So why do we still get caught up in such close-minded attitudes? Why do we find ourselves thinking that swingers will fuck anything or that gay people will fuck anything?

I don't think we do, I would like to think we know better.

This also parlays into the attitude toward bi-males in the lifestyle. Dear straight guy: guess what? Mr. bi doesn't do everybody either ... he can resist you, I just know he can

.

Thats the thing, what we didn't know in the beginning, we do know now. Many people just don't understand. What we know, what we have learned in life, thats just different from others.

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I can't completely agree with this.
I know quite a few vanillas that appear to have a very satisfying sex life.
(If I'm understanding your statement correctly)

I'm sure that some have very satisfying sex lifes. more likely than not they won't be the ones that believe that swingers will fuck anything that moves.

my thoughts aren't that "vanila's" don't have good sex lives, but that they are more likely to either try to repress sexual urges/feelings/obsessions with sex, or have downright issues when it comes to sex (i.e. the wife that uses sex as a barganing chip or for powerbroking in a relationship). they are more likely to be "OMG that's sexual/wrong/ whatever"

it takes either a healthy, open sexuality to swing, or things go wrong pretty quickly IMO.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

Do us swingers think that too? Did the recipient of Julie's email take the fact that they received an email that she'll fuck anyone?
Then I was thinking about the response threads that reminded us all that sites like SLS are hookup sites, and if you receive an email on those sites, the implication is that you may want to hook up with them.

Well, I think it depends on the swinger. Dave and I have no expectations when we send emails or get them. I do however believe that some swingers think "WooHoo!" I got one on the line Martha, we're gonna get laid!" Funny about Dave and I though, we like being laid like any other couple, but we do have each other and we don't have to get laid everytime we meet someone or see another couple at a get together. We're very content with "us".

Interesting. When I get those emails, and when I send those emails, the first stage is an exploratory stage. To determine if there's a connection. I don't necessarily think, at first, there will be a hookup (a lot of the time I hope so! LOL). I look at SLS as a directory of like-minded folks who accept swinging.

This is us as well. We can always hope!

As most non-swingers, and even some swingers, think that swingers will do anyone, do they also think all gay people will do anyone? With those attitudes and thought processes, does it then mean that all hetero people will do any other hetero? Do all vanillas do any vanilla? Will bi women do anyone?

Well, I know one vanilla person that would do anybody in a heartbeat.

Why do we find ourselves thinking that swingers will fuck anything or that gay people will fuck anything?

This is such backwards thinking, to me. I really didn't know that gay people would fuck anything. Am I naive?

This also parlays into the attitude towards bi-males in the lifestyle. Dear straight guy: guess what? Mr. bi doesn't do everybody either ... he can resist you, I just know he can.

Yep. Being a bi-sensual female, there have been plenty of women I've resisted. Is there really a thought that men -- bi ones, can't resist sex, even if they're attacking a straight guy? Good gawd!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by funcpl4life

Quoth havefuninsun: "This also parlays into the attitude towards bi-males in the lifestyle. Dear straight guy: guess what? Mr. bi doesn't do everybody either ... he can resist you, I just know he can."

Thank You. People don't believe me when I say it. Maybe they will when you say it.
1) I can't explain my criteria but maybe 1 in 50-100 guys is hot to me.
2) I don't want to do anyone male or female that doesn't want to do me. That holds 0.00000 interest.
YMMV
Mr.FC4L

Possibly diverging topic a bit, but your post made me think about something. Could it be that many people have this thought about bi-males because it almost seems to be the truth when it comes to bi-females? I know it's not, because as I read your post I found myself thinking that pretty well describes me when it comes to being bi. I'm more into guys and VERY occasionally I find a female that I just really want to have or I get in a mood where I just REALLY want a female. But, so many times in this lifestyle I've encountered women where it's like "oh you're bi... well come on then!" as if just the fact that I'm bi means I need to hop in the pile with all the other bi women without any thought to attraction or desire.

[ownerspet]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

So why do we still get caught up in such close-minded attitudes?

Ok, I have two possible reasons:

1. I have to say that most people have been geared towards certain perceptions that are often created by society in general. Because of the norms or values of society, we often create expectations of people, based on the activities they engage in or how they choose to live their life. Let's take an example from a story I once heard about a hooker once. The perception when people think of hooker is really negative. But, if I told you that it was a mother of 3 just doing anything and everything she knew how to do to provide for the kids you might think differently. This is just one example of a term that society has developed and imposed a perception in most people's head, that causes us to automatically make an assumption. There are several others that I probably could discuss, and there are several others that if you think about them also acheive some preconceived perception in your head that limits your open mindedness in your view of the world around you.

2. In some cases self-created perceptions are created by individuals out of their own desires. If someone wants something or someone bad enough, no matter how much that someone may not be "in to them"; that person because of who the other parties are and the fact that the other parties engage in activities that the person also enjoys with others sometimes, they automatically assume the party that they are interested in not only has some mutual interest, but that the interest is also on the same level.

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

Why do we find ourselves thinking that swingers will fuck anything or that gay people will fuck anything?

1. I have to defer back to the fact that society has created expectations of people who live in certain lifestyles. It seems that the public and media is notorious for looking at something and twisting it as far towards the negative side as possible. Many of the general society, have this negative or feeling of taboo-ness towards swingers especially and gay people. So as a result, they often equate not having the same lifestyle or sexual beliefs as a "a bad lifestyle, belief, or practice." Then it is often exagerated in some people's head that if someone will do one thing that they don't agree with, then they will do most things or anything they don't agree with. So ultimately some people, because they don't agree with the activities involved in the swinger lifestyle, bisexual lifestyle, or homosexual lifestyle, have a tendency to assume we will do anything and everything as long as it tickles our fancy at the moment in time.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

so many times in this lifestyle I've encountered women where it's like "oh you're bi... well come on then!" as if just the fact that I'm bi means I need to hop in the pile with all the other bi women without any thought to attraction or desire.

I know exactly what you mean here, Julie. I think that's one of the reasons I still have my "training wheels" on . . . I don't want to worry that because I enjoy playing with women occasionally that I have to hop in that pileup too.

=)

[crazycouple425]

It just goes to show how much ignorance there is in the world. Especialy when people don't understand something or fear it. If people would just take a little time and do some research on it, who knows what they would find? They're missing out in more ways than they know. I know we were until recently .