I'm such a masochist

[knb2004]

According to Mr. Babtist Minister, I'm putting my soul in jeopardy.

See Question about swinging? - Yahoo! Answers for details. My handle is sxyNYCcpl

Mr. knb

[lustylearning]

I applaud you for using the power of reasoning to make your own decisions. I wish the rest of the world was so compelled...

[VegasLee]

I would be interested in why you made the post in the first place?

You went into the "normal" world where most have no clue about what this Lifestyle is about and asked them "what am I doing wrong?"

Can you tell me what you expected the answers to be?

I personally feel this is nothing more then flaunting your lifestyle in front of others that mostly have no desire to be in it. You are asking them to trash you and the lifestyle.

The old saying of "all press is good press" does not apply to much to this Lifestyle. It appears you are just trying to get other riled up over something they know nothing about.

Posting something like that here makes sense, people come here to learn.

I see you and your wife do have responsible answers but I am still trying to figure out the reasoning of the original post in that type of forum.

[knb2004]

Hi Lee-
You have a valid point, to an extent.

I did so because people go to YA asking questions, legitimate, curious questions about swinging and are met with, in many cases, knee jerk reactions from people who are not qualified to be answering the question, and I wanted to point that out. To be sure, YA is not the best place to get good answers to those questions, but newbies don't know that.

I'll also confess that I did it a bit to be "in your face" to the same people who are responsible for such negative, knee-jerk responses, and maybe, just maybe, put a hint of a doubt in their heads about their preconceptions. I've seen you say, on many occasions, that swinging is not for everyone, and you're absolutely right. But it IS for some people, and for those people to get advice that is just wrong from people who have no business even replying does them a disservice.

I have found myself becoming a bit militant towards the puritanical attitudes displayed by too many people in our society, not just in regards to swinger issues, but in general, and suppose I'm trying to make the world a better place.

Pissing up a rope, I know.

[VegasLee]

I admire that you would like to "save the world" on the Internet. I have been accused of that for many years.

I think the part that caught my eye was you asking "what am I doing wrong?"

To me it came off as yes, I am happy and I am a swinger but "maybe" I am doing something wrong so I am asking all you people that know nothing about this lifestyle to tell me if I am doing something wrong.

It is like you are expressing doubt about your own lifestyle choice.

Maybe I am looking at it wrong but I think many of those people that have no knowledge of our lifestyle may look at it the same way.

[knb2004]

Yikes, if my sarcasm missed you then perhaps I did a bad job of expressing myself. I'm hoping maybe you just read it too fast.

My point was this. Frequently, when people on YA inquire about swinging issues there are lots of answers like "Your wife will leave you." or "It will destroy your relationship." or "You'll get lots of STDs." Misinformed, irrational responses by people who don't have the foundation to have a legitimate opinion.

Therefore, the point of my original question was that, wow, we've been swinging for years and none of these bad things has happened to us. Perhaps we're swinging wrong. If I didn't do a good job of communicating that point then my question may have done more harm than good. OTOH, I would note that the responses I've received, excepting Mr. Baptist Minister, have been overwhelmingly positive. There were two others that could be percieved as negative, though in both cases they could have also been sarcastic attempts at humor so I'm careful about judging.

I have NO doubts about our choices, we are doing what is right for us. I hope my sarcasm came through, especially to those prudes to whom it was intended.

[VegasLee]

Yes, we have been told and heard all those things from people that have no clue. Many of them divorced a few times and/or cheating on their spouses but they know we are doing wrong. In 30 years I can't remember the number of stupid things people have told us.

Well, we are happy, she is still here and we have a great life. Guess they all can't be right all the time.

When I get really board and I am in other forums that people will ask about Swinging I post the url to Swingers Board. Have not had a forum take it down yet when I have done that.

I have found it is better to try to answer their questions in a forum that is not trying to send me to hell for my choices.

Sometimes the things we put in a forum does not translate well. Just the black and white nature of it.

You have done well with your responses though. Good job.

[WesternSwing]

You spent some time on that didn't you? I post on Yahoo! Answers also, but mostly answering questions about swinging and leaving The Swingers Board URL as a source so that others going there just beginning to look for answers to the open relationship question can easily find somewhere else to go that has real answers, not the knee-jerk ones you mention. Sometimes I lose my zest for it though, and for the most part just post my answer now and no longer address each out-of-this-world answer given by those that confuse self-righteousness with religion and morality. It just takes too much out of me, and they never go back to see what you said anyway. Most of the posters there are point-gamers anyway - they post short, stupid answers just to gain the 2-points and reach the next contributor level.

In fact, under an old ID and email I was banned from Yahoo Answers because my answer "violated community rules", which to this day YA won't tell me what about my post did, other than I figure some zealot didn't like my pro-open relationship stance and reported my post as being inappropriate.

[JustAskJulie]

I try to get on there at least once a week and answer swinger related questions, to give a different perspective. I find that typically swinger related questions get about a 50/50 response from the anti-swinger zealots vs actual swingers... and oddly the actual swingers tend to give much more thought out and thoughtFUL responses.

Of course, I always post the URL and my thought on doing so (aside from promoting the site) is like Lee said, it would be much better for them to ask their questions here where they can be accepted than on a forum where half the responses are just "you're going to hell".

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

I think the part that caught my eye was you asking "what am I doing wrong?"

To me it came off as yes, I am happy and I am a swinger but "maybe" I am doing something wrong so I am asking all you people that know nothing about this lifestyle to tell me if I am doing something wrong.

Lee noticed what I did, your final question.

Even I, as a swinger, thought you were serious with that question, so I imagine other non-swingers might see the same.

What I don't care for with any swingers post in a non-swinger forum is when a swinger takes the approach that their life is perfect and they make it sound like swinging is what has made it so. To me, your post came across like that. It sounded like you were bragging and see yourself as better than those who don't swing.

Through reading your posts here, I can see that isn't the case, but I wanted to point out how I took that Yahoo thread you started.

The concern I have with starting a thread like yours on Yahoo - or any other forum not swinger oriented - is that those who have no knowledge of swinging are likely to either be open to considering swinging because you make it sound like it is the answer to a better life, or those who are closed to the idea will only post their contempt; no further dialogue on swinging is of interest to them because their mind is set against swinging. The thread therefore is not an "open" discussion, rather, just two opposing stands on the subject.

I think the best way to get correct information out on swinging would be to not push the idea of swinging. If someone brings it up, help them with their inquiry, but lead them to the Swingers Board.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

no further dialogue on swinging is of interest to them because their mind is set against swinging. The thread therefore is not an "open" discussion, rather, just two opposing stands on the subject.

The problem I have with Yahoo Answers in general (and others that are set up in the same format) is that they really discourage any actual DIALOGUE between participants. It's just ask a question and get "answers", wheras an open discussion breeds more thought and therefore in the end more answers, and even more questions.

[sereneiders]

knb2004, I just gave you a recipe to correct your missbehaviors at Yahoo Answers.

I know what you wanted to accomplish. I am being a little more sarcastic than you are, and if I posted was just to provide some support.

In any case, Yahoo Answers isn't the best place to discuss this, preciselly because this requires discussion, and YA doesn't allow it. I'ts "post and forget".

And it isn't just about swinging. It really amazes me how irresponsible Yahoo is with this product. The same ignorant folks asking a question (for example, a girl asking about a STD diagnose or pregnancy risks) is the one picking THE answer, based on the very same ignorance plus their wishfull thinking, and that answer (and the whole product) is portrayed as a "collection of popular knowledge"... when the only they actually help achieve is to propagate and feed the ignorance and the prejudices.

Seriously, I am waiting to se Yahoo being sued by someone damaged by the advice he/she got from YA.

YA isn't about information, because information means just the amount synthesized data required to answer a question, and all the remaining data, even when accurate, becomes noise. YA is about noise portrayed as information.

As opposed, a board allows you to process the data, to discuss, reshape your oppinion, and synthesize as you see it fits your needs.

I believe Vega's critic has to do with this, addin't noise to the noise doesn't necesarily helps.

Even so, from time to time I find myself trying to "educate" someone at YA. I guess this have to do with our moral standards. Who knows.

[knb2004]

It seems I opened something of a tempest in a teapot. Quite a few members of this board have voiced support on my YA thread and I'm encouraged to see that.

I am disappointed that the intent of the message I was trying to convey was perhaps lost to poor communication skills on my part, hopefully the overall tenor of the posts that followed minimized any misunderstandings that may have occured.

YA, as several have opined, is not a good place for people to get information about the lifestyle. Despite this truth some people, usually fresh green newbies do go there. Like others, I try to answer questions with good information and post the url to send them here. Recently, I've begun being less verbose by simply saying that you won't likely get good answers on YA, go to the SB and ask there.

Beyond the issue of YA and more to general perceptions about swingers by the general community, I find myself frequently frustrated, not because many people can't accept our lifestyle, that will always be the case, but more because of the complete misconceptions that are simply accepted as fact by many. You'll see what I mean anytime we make a news story that includes public comments.

Like Lee, I guess I'll just keep trying to make the world a better place.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

when the only they actually help achieve is to propagate and feed the ignorance and the prejudices.


.

Oh, wait you forgot that it helps build the egos of those who's answers get selected as the "best". And it gives us a way to find those who need to be HERE and invite them over to a place where their questions can be answered in a better format.

KNB - I get what you were trying to do I just don't think it was the best way to do it. Keep at replying to the questions, but posting a question like that is only asking for attack from those who are against it, it doesn't serve in any way to help encourage those who are questioning.