Evolution of preferences

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Mike and I have been going to a local on-premise club since we started investigating the lifestyle last November. We played exclusively by ourselves in the public areas of the club (watch and be watched ) until we finally got comfortable. That happened in February. Soft swing with another couple. It was a bit... well, it wasn't what we expected.

Afterward, we both felt that maybe the fantasy was better than the reality. Now, it may have been the particular couple (not a whole lot of chemistry, and they were kind of agressive for my taste - first time and all). We've been to busy to make it back to play since then (going again this weekend).

Long story... well... long. We're not really sold on the whole experience. It got me to wondering, have your preferences changed since you first started swinging? Did you have an experience that left you going, "well, I'll never do THAT again," but later found someone(s) that made you revise that thought? I guess I'm just hoping that this was just a bad first experience and that, with the right couple,things might go the way I imagined them when we started.

~Lea

[WesternSwing]

We've never had any experiences that turned us off from swinging, but we have had experiences with people that without at doubt left us thinking "Well, that didn't turn out like we had hoped. We won't be coming back for seconds with them." I think this is because we got lucky and our first couple swapping experiences were all with people we really clicked with and the not so good ones came later, so we already had a taste of what it should be like.

My advice it so keep plugging along, be selective, and you'll find a couple that you really click with and it will be all you thought it should be and much more.

Mr. WS

[Additude]

WesternSwing gives good advise.

[socolais]

We've had experiences where we'd have to say the sex was less than fulfilling - but ya know, that's OK because it was still a fun time with the playmate and we'd do it again when the opportunity arrises. We've had good sex too. One of the cool things about swinging for us is we have tons of fun when we get back together after the party, so good sex/ bad sex won't matter after a few hours.

I think the distinction between the good and bad depends on our expectations. Sex with someone new is exciting just for the newness and the challenge of learning their hot buttons and feel their roaming fingers touch me in an exploring way.

It's all in the attitude....

[funfrkycpl]

It all depends on what made it a bad experience for you. If it was just because you didn't click with the other couple, we think it is worth trying again. If it was other things and had more to do with how you both felt about the experience, you may want to take a step back from the lifestyle. For some couples it is better left a fantasy.

It does sound like you enjoy being watched and watching others, that may be your niche in the lifestyle and as far as it goes for you.

[screaminggood]

It's not always difficult to find the playmate, but it is sometimes difficult to find the playmate that rocks your socks off! The difficulty for me is that sometimes what looks and acts good on the dance floor changes dramatically in the bed. On the other hand, the conservative, quiet person on the floor turned into one of my best experiences in the bed!!!

[good times]

We have had some bad experiences, won't be going back for seconds with them. Some mediocre experiences, usually like screaminggood said, great lead-in but poor follow through. And then we have had some experiences that just rocked our world. We have just come to the conclusion that you have to wade through a few of the "not so hot" to find the real good ones.

[Malachista]

And then there are expiriances, when someone who did not really fullfill you the first time they blow you away the second time.
and people who I wanted to play again with turned out worse the second time around....

I guess every playtime is unique

[iapr]

Our barometer isn't so much about what we think about the other people or what kind of sexual experience we had with them. Our barometer is what kind of experience we had together as couple and how we felt towards each other afterwards.

Hopefully NO sex is as good as that with your partner. Yes some people are very exciting and skilled lovers and some are complete duds. But what we come away with is how we enjoyed the experience between the two of us as a couple.

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Wow, thanks for all the responses. Mike and I always have a good time together. We've been talking about it a lot since I posted the other day. I think, for both of us, it was just that there was no real lead in... we talked a bit about rules and preferences during dinner, but when we got upstairs it was just, "okay, lets go!" What happened to foreplay??

I guess we'll just have to look for someone - er - someones more in tune with how we operate. On a side note, we had a lovely time with a very sexy unicorn later that night We just need to find that same chemistry with another couple, I guess.

[JustAskJulie]

You can't base things on one experience... if we did that we would be exactly where you are. Our story is almost identical... we played with each other at the club until we met a couple that we thought we hit it off with and decided to go to a private room and do a soft-swap. Things went ok, although I could tell hubby wasn't totally into it. Later I discovered that he was less than impressed with what was under the multiple layers of undergarments and that turned him off. Other things we found out later turned us off even more TO THEM, but not to the idea of swinging again. It just made us change the way we look at potential playmates. There's a little more examination and thought about what they may look like without their clothes on.

Looking at your second post it sounds like the thing that killed it was a lack of foreplay so you just have to look at things and figure out how you can beat that the next time. In a club situation there are so many things that SHOULD be part of foreplay.. flirting throughout the night, dancing, lap dancing, etc. And when you get to the room there is no reason that it should jump straight to sex without any additional foreplay.

[SexyRedmondCpl]

I wanted to follow up and just say that I think I may have jumped the gun with my first post We (finally) got the chance to go back to the club last night, after almost three months. After all my thinking about it, and talking with you all, we went with the expectation that we would play only with one another - we were in a bit of a time crunch anyway, as we were scheduled to help work the desk and close the club about 3 hours in.

Having made note of my love of exhibitionism in an earlier post, it shouldn't be a surprise that we chose a floor level bed. Mike knows my hot buttons, so he immediately pulled my dress off and began kissing my back. I don't know how long it had been (and certainly didn't care), but he turned me over and started going down on me. I was so lost in it that I didn't even notice that we were being watched, that is until the female of the couple started sucking on my breasts. It was a bit of a shock at first - again, didn't even know they were there - but I got over that quickly. Then her husband came up and started sucking on one while she worked on the other. It didn't take long before I came, and hard. And before I was back in enough control to open my eyes, the couple said a soft thank you and left.

On the ride home, Mike was joking about the ninja couple (I hadn't even seen them once through the whole thing, which sound weird, but it was really good). That triggered the memory of the sensation. I was wet instantly. We had a 20-some minute drive home still, but I couldn't wait. I grabbed his hand and placed it up my skirt. I hadn't put my panties back on after playtime, which made things easier considering that I was driving. I had to pull over about 10 minutes from home

Anyway, I'm glad to report that the first time was apparently a fluke. Even thinking about it just makes me so... I'm gonna go see what Mike's doing... and make him stop doing it for a bit

[watchem_wiggle]

Originally Posted by SexyRedmondCpl

Anyway, I'm glad to report that the first time was apparently a fluke. Even thinking about it just makes me so... I'm gonna go see what Mike's doing... and make him stop doing it for a bit

Hey guys, glad that worked out for ya (would love to hear how it's evolved since the ninja couple).

My wife and I just joined this board, after joining a club last week (after having looked at your profile, it turns out we joined your club) and attending the mid-week pot luck.

Our rule for ourselves was/is also that we'd only watch and play with ourselves for a while. We did just that. We started out semi hiding in one of the cubby holes, watching this one couple and making out/her playing with me...we soon started exploring every nook of the place, no longer covering up between playing and played as exposed as possible (turned out to be a huge turn on for both of us) and I'd say the highlight for me anyway was having sex in the vacinity of a 3 female 2 male group, a MFM and two other couples. I know the group looked up at us a dew times (especially when I spanked my wife's ass, probably not expecting that noise) and the husband in the MFM kept watching us....

Halfway through the night we had decided that we wouldn't mind having someone join us, however we're still not sure how to approach that....I guess we're still a bit afraid of rejection (neither one of us is exactly a supermodel, but then again neither are most people in the lifestyle....can't blame us for beign a little self concious this early on in our swinging life I guess)
So, I'd actually love to be surprised by a ninja couple....I think that would be great!


Anyway, I know that was a long winded way of saying "hi"...hehe