why have you rejected perfectly nice couples in the past?

[gnb4u]

First off this is not a whining or bitching "why doesn't anyone want me?" or "what are we doing wrong?" post. I am asking a legitimate question and I am looking for some honest answers. I tried to put this up as a poll but I can not find a way to initiate a new poll.

But I suppose a little introduction is in order first. I have been a long time lurker here and I have decided to finally step out of the shadows and gather some information.

What I am looking for is to find out some specific reasons why you have turned down or not responded to perfectly nice couples that are of your desired age range and are of your stated play preference. I must stress that I am looking for actual real life examples and not why you THINK you would reject someone.

The reason I am looking into this is I believe rejection is a ubiquitous part of the lifestyle landscape and I think if were to look into it more we can find some common themes and trends and we can all learn from each other and hopefully avoid some common mistakes and pitfalls.

Please do not just say to "get over it" or to "move on". This is not about me or anyone or any incident in particular.

So here is the question, What are some of the reasons you have rejected perfectly nice couples, of your age range and of your desired play preferences in the past? Any experiences and insights will be greatly appreciated. I am looking forward to your responses.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

So here is the question, What are some of the reasons you have rejected perfectly nice couples, of your age range and of your desired play preferences in the past?

We liked them, but we weren't sexually attracted to them.

[VegasLee]

Over the years we have not played with many perfectly nice couples that looked good.

Most of the time it is the attitude that they may have. They can be nice and still have a attitude that we did not care for.

I would say the second most reason is people that have way to many "rules" for us. Rules are ok but does not mean that we have to go along with them and play with them.

Third would be people that have wanted to "date". They want to meet for dinner, drinks and other things. We don't have the time or desire for all of that. We meet at the club, if we all like each other we play, if not there are many others there to play with. We keep it very simple.

That is the three reasons we have NOT played with people that we consider nice.

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

We liked them, but we weren't sexually attracted to them.

Could you please specify what it was that prevented you from becoming sexually attracted to them? In other words was the male or female not physically appealing? Did either of them appear disinterested or was rude or too aggressive etc etc?

As I stated in my OP I am looking for some trends and common themes. The more specific (but PLEASE no names, dates, places etc) the more we can find out.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

Could you please specify what it was that prevented you from becoming sexually attracted to them? In other words was the male or female not physically appealing?

It was just that. They weren't visually stimulating to us. We're not looking for knockouts, but there has to be something there for us to build on.
In this case, there wasn't.

I'm sure there are others that have felt the same way about us. Sometimes, the physical attraction just isn't there.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

Good question. First, consider this: the world is full of perfectly nice couples who, for whatever reason, just don't seem to be folks you want to play with. That doesn't make them less nice, less worthwhile, or even less attractive. It just means that for some reason, it doesn't work for you.

Next, we'd echo VegasLee's reasons.

Misc other reasons:
* Their schedule and ours don't work out. E.g., they can only play during the work day, but we've both got demanding careers and can't get away. Or they want us to drive to Virginia Beach to play the same weekend I'm teaching a class in Raleigh.
* They want a long "get to know you " period. Like VegasLee, we really don't have time. We want to meet, size each other up, and either play or not.
* They're into some flavors we're not. A big deterrent to us in recent months, as several couples and singles we've met express a desire for S&M (with apologies to the S&M fans here, that's just not what we're after). Another was adamant that L do him in a fitting room in a department store at a local mall.
* We don't feel good about their hygiene (foul breath, BO, dirty fingernails, whatever) or health.
* They were in it for them only. Yes, we're all in it for what we get out of it, but most of us derive pleasure from -- heck, thrive on -- pleasuring our playmates. The folks who just want to take, period, don't work for us.
* They're disrespectful of L. Yes, she loves being a slut and I love her enjoying her slut-dom, but by golly, you'd better treat her like the lady she is, or you'll get nowhere with us.

We're big on feeling the right vibes with folks. Sometimes, no matter how attractive they are, how interested they are, how nice they are, something about their vibe just doesn't feel right to play with. Whatever the reason, if we don't click, we don't click.

One last thought... we try no to "reject" anyone. Instead, if one of us isn't interested, our preference is to allow them to decide it's not right for them, or can't be scheduled, or whatever. We know that ultimately, we can just say "no" -- and sometimes we've had to -- but we'd prefer to allow it to be their decision.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

As I stated in my OP I am looking for some trends and common themes. The more specific (but PLEASE no names, dates, places etc) the more we can find out.

Honestly, the common theme or trend you are going to find is we are all people and have different tastes and attitudes about and towards other people.

Just because any of us does not play with a certain couple does not mean others won't play with that couple.

I am sure you have your idea of what your looking for and I am betting that there are many here that won't have those same idea's of the "perfect couple" to play with.

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Honestly, the common theme or trend you are going to find is we are all people and have different tastes and attitudes about and towards other people.

Just because any of us does not play with a certain couple does not mean others won't play with that couple.

I am sure you have your idea of what your looking for and I am betting that there are many here that won't have those same idea's of the "perfect couple" to play with.

You are correct in many ways of course but how can we find out how things work unless we ask "why?" I wish I could figure out how to post this as a poll and it might make a little more sense. What I am trying to do is gather some statistical data on why couples reject other couples and to break it down into who rejects who and for what reason. I have posted this on a couple other sites and even though the the sites were from different geographical areas the numbers were remarkably similar.

The reason I am doing this is to try to do a little Quality Management exercise. If we can study why couples commonly reject each other maybe there can be some quality improvement that can occur and people can improve their game increase there their odds for success. Knowledge is empowerment and what we understand we do not fear. If we can learn more about rejection we can better understand it and can possibly even take steps towards reducing it. I realize rejection will always be with us but if I can reduce the occurance of rejection by even one, then that is at least one more night of fun!!

[theboy]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

You are correct in many ways of course but how can we find out how things work unless we ask "why?" I wish I could figure out how to post this as a poll and it might make a little more sense. What I am trying to do is gather some statistical data on why couples reject other couples and to break it down into who rejects who and for what reason. I have posted this on a couple other sites and even though the the sites were from different geographical areas the numbers were remarkably similar.

A lot of the times it's because of things that I don't think would be easy to change.

There are some couples that we've hit it off with as friends as well as sex partners, but there's also those couples that while we're attracted to them, we don't really have much in common past the sex. Similarly, there are some people that we just don't find sexually appealing. At all.

These differences, I think, aren't things that can be changed to have a better hit rate. They're fundamental to the couple doing the searching.

You might do better to target and specify other things in the profile that might turn people off, such as poor grammar, bad pictures, or other similar issues rather than try to deal with things so hard to change in a couple.

[socolais]

Well, here's my data point contribution to the six sigma of swinging.

At a house party, a couple came on to us very strongly and quickly. My wife and I got the same vibe - they NEEDED to get laid. They were almost aggressive toward us. We didn't exactly tell them we weren't interested but we did invent quick excuses to find a different location. Had they been more laid back and flirty, they might have gotten us into the sack. I guess the option is still open for future parties, but on that day it was a "quiet rejection".

I applaud your effort to apply quality principles to the swinging domain and I hope you find the results revealing.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

The reason I am doing this is to try to do a little Quality Management exercise. If we can study why couples commonly reject each other maybe there can be some quality improvement that can occur and people can improve their game increase there their odds for success.

Better Swinging Through Six Sigma™
-It has a good ring to it.

I think you can still add a poll, but I think you should probably gather as much data on here as possible, then post as a separate thread for polling reasons. If you post a poll right now, you may skew the answers by leaving out reasons you haven't thought of.

Hell, this could have the makings of a master's thesis in and of itself.
But, in the end, to paraphrase Woody Allen, I think the answer lies in "The libido wants what the libido wants".

(Now I feel icky for paraphrasing Woody in relation to his nefarious deeds)

[JustAskJulie]

Generally... just a lack of attraction. In recent days though we've found a few cases where we might have been attracted to them if we'd met them but because the initial dealings were online and they were dragging on to long we ended up blowing them off. People who feel the need to email us and tell us their life stories or everything they did that day.... buh bye! Not to say that later on if we met them at a club we would turn them down, but we just don't want email buddies.

[Tia Vampire]

We have met quite a few couples that we were both attracted to, but they were not into what we are into. Next!
I hate meeting with couples that the girl is more interested in meeting me (the female) and blow my SO off. Please let us know before hand because it is a waste of our time. We rather meet with straight couple. If you are bi and going to included my SO, then that is a different story. Next!
The worst is a couples that do not want to use condoms. We run from them like fire from water. How could you not want to use a condom with a stranger. Yes, the couple may have unprotected sex with each other and you may think that it is safe, but what if there is a secret that they don't know about each other, such as they may be fooling around on each other and having unprotected sex with others. Sorry, we rather not take our chances. We are off to the next one. Next!
Teeth, teeth, teeth. We love a couple with pretty teeth. We met this hot couple last year, they were hot from the outside anyway. Neither one of them had a full set of pretty teeth. I'm talking about rotten and missing teeth. Alrighty then. Next!

[Bama0468]

How about I assist on both side with why I have and why I have been rejected...

Why we have- we met this couple on line, we enjoyed their company there, but in person they were this pokey couple, not a flirtatious touching actual POKING, in the arm, sides, legs... actually annoyed the hell out us ... So personal interaction or even lack there of can cause a rejection.

Why we have been- Have been told the Lady thought I looked like her brother or an ex, we were to fluffy and not hard bodied enough, we wouldn't play alone for the first time with a couple ( by alone I mean "can she come over tonight and we will set something up for you next week" ) we are in the same house at the least the first time.

there are some folks as Lee said that the rules get them, one rule my wife checks on with any playmate is kissing, She LOVES to kiss and if they have a no kiss rule it can count to the negative.

[good times]

Frankly, I think you are on an impossible mission here. The fact is, I have never rejected anyone that they could have reasonably done something different that would have made me not reject them. When we meet someone, we either find them physically attractive, or we don't. Not only is it highly unlikely that they could have done something different that would have changed our mind, but even if they could have, their is no way they could know that ahead of time. The reason for that is that their is just no universal standard for what makes one person attractive to any given other person. In other words, what I find hot, the next guy might not.

So, while I could list here a bunch of reasons why I have turned nice people down for sex, the fact of the matter is, they just didn't turn me on. As a friend of mine likes to say, some people just aren't in your strike zone. The reasons they are not in your strike zone doesn't matter. Just because they aren't in my strike zone, doesn't mean they won't be a perfect match for the next guy.

Actually, I think if someone tried to act in a way as to reduce the amount of rejections he would get, he would actually get rejected more often than if he would just be himself. Nothing is a bigger turn-off to most folks than somebody trying to be something they are not.