why have you rejected perfectly nice couples in the past?

[two42lovers]

Think of that like this. We get rejected a lot but we reject others a lot too. A lot of those reasons we reject others are simple things like bad breath or dirty nails or unkempt hair and people not taking the time or energy to even trying to be nice or charming. Those are simple things but yet they occur again and again and again.

Anybody who has trouble with personal hygiene would do well to figure that out regardless if they are swinging or not. Those kinds of things are pretty basic, but they are important, irrespective of swinging. As far as improving your "game" and learning from others, absolutely. But that's not really a discussion about why people reject people, it's more about what skills make for a great play partner and savvy player. We think the kind of mentoring you are talking about is going on every day here on SB, every time people take time to post and share what they've experienced or learned.

Everyone can always improve and go from where they are to a better place, but nothing is going to make someone physically attractive to another person if they are not. The best you can do is smile and be confident. Playing isn't just about physical attraction, there is also the question of chemistry. We either enjoy someone's company, or we don't. It's about personalities meshing. Only way to change it would be bite your tongue (sometimes a good thing) or to pretend to be someone you are not (never good.)

[Pepper & Drew]

I can think of a few perfectly nice couples that we've "rejected." The reason? No chemistry. It's something that's undefinable.

The first couple we knew through other friends of ours. She was attractive. He was attractive. They were fun to hang out with. We're about the same age. We have a lot in common. And there was ZERO chemistry. I felt as excited about getting with them as I am to clean my kitchen. There was nothing that either one of them did or said to in any way that turned me off. It just wasn't happening.

Another couple was really fun to hang out with. I was into the girl and the guy. Drew was not attracted to her. At all. She is a good-looking girl, had all her teeth, didn't have bad breath and was a genuinely nice person. But, when the attraction's not there, it's not there.

There have been guys that I've been really attracted to. Not because they had beautiful, rippling muscles. Not because they had finely chiseled features. Not because of the size of any appendage, or anything else. It was attraction. Chemistry.

There was nothing that either couple I talked about above could have done to improve their odds of playing with others. Besides that, isn't this supposed to be fun? If I've got to do a whole lot of self improvement in order to increase my odds of scoring, I'm just fine not scoring as much.

Pepper

[Bama0468]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

... Besides that, isn't this supposed to be fun? If I've got to do a whole lot of self improvement in order to increase my odds of scoring, I'm just fine not scoring as much.

Pepper

Here here !!! I have been various sizes , real thin to well now I am Fluffy but no where near where I was way back, I was plenty lucky and played with no matter the size, cause my personality ....

[screaminggood]

Two reasons:

--Fake breasts. We both enjoy real breasts but have no desire to kiss basketballs.

--Wrong word choice. Sometimes something will come out of a mouth that is just a turn-off to one of us.

[Bama0468]

[quote=screaminggood;319535]Two reasons:

--Fake breasts. We both enjoy real breasts but have no desire to kiss basketballs.

QUOTE]



I gotta say I have only been with one fake breasted person ( that I know of) and she had no feeling there, made for not so much fun.

[lovelygirl2]

I also think there is a big difference between who we reject on email vs who we reject in person. We've rejected people via email and then met them out and totally changed our minds.

My biggest reason for rejecting a couple is when the male half just doesn't flirt. Or talk. Or anything. Feels like too many men send in their wife to get them laid and then just go a long for the ride.

We've also rejected for bad teeth. Drives me crazy. Crooked is fine - a complete lack of attention to hygiene makes me gag.

If one of the people is disrepectful or flat out ignores one of us, it's also a no.

We rejected a couple in email because all their pics involved handcuffs - and not a single one of them looked like they knew how to use them. More like a look at us, we have handcuffs. lol

Other email rejections are ones that are just - look at our profile, if interested email us back. And then the profile says NOTHING or there are absolutely no pics.

Too many rules in a profile will also get a no. I don't like negative people. If your profile has more we won'ts, or we don'ts than it does we will or we are, then it's gonna be a no. We'd prefer to be with positive upbeat people who don't take themselves too seriously. Tell us who you are, not who you aren't, or who you don't like.

And on that note... We DO respond to people who tell us something about themselves in an email. We DO respond if they can tell us something about why they are writing to us and not just throwing out darts and hoping it sticks.

We DO like couples who are having fun, even when no one else is talking to them at that moment.

We like couples who look like they love each other and aren't just looking for a distraction from each other. You know the ones that will be just as content playing the two of them as they will in a group. We like people who don't take themselves or the LS too seriously.

We had a couple turn a no into a yes when the husband leaned in and kissed me lightly and my knees buckled (yes, he asked first)

Basically, we like people who are happy, smiling, and having fun.

[Bama0468]

Alrighty I have went through and quoted the reason given thus far, there are a couple doubles, However the main ones seem to be

Hygene
Chemistry
Attraction
Rules
Time (I.E. Emailing, phone calls,Scheduling etc.)
Fake boobs
word choice (conversation)
Safe sex practices
DRAMA
Appearance (Bad teeth, bunions, hairy this and thats)
Changing up ( saying they want one thing and then when the time comes they want something else)

Disrespect
type of play (BDSM etc)
Resemblance to relative or old BF/GF
Coming off desperite and needy

The quotes are at the bottom here if I Missed a few

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

... we weren't sexually attracted to them.....They weren't visually stimulating to us. We're not looking for knockouts, but there has to be something there for us to build on.
In this case, there wasn't.

[quote=VegasLee;318539]

Most of the time it is the attitude that they may have. They can be nice and still have a attitude that we did not care for.

I would say the second most reason is people that have way to many "rules" for us. Rules are ok but does not mean that we have to go along with them and play with them.

Third would be people that have wanted to "date". They want to meet for dinner, drinks and other things. We don't have the time or desire for all of that. We meet at the club, if we all like each other we play, if not there are many others there to play with. We keep it very simple.

QUOTE]

Originally Posted by Hot Raleigh Cpl

.

Misc other reasons:
* Their schedule and ours don't work out. E.g., they can only play during the work day, but we've both got demanding careers and can't get away. Or they want us to drive to Virginia Beach to play the same weekend I'm teaching a class in Raleigh.
* They want a long "get to know you " period. Like VegasLee, we really don't have time. We want to meet, size each other up, and either play or not.
* They're into some flavors we're not. A big deterrent to us in recent months, as several couples and singles we've met express a desire for S&M (with apologies to the S&M fans here, that's just not what we're after). Another was adamant that L do him in a fitting room in a department store at a local mall.
* We don't feel good about their hygiene (foul breath, BO, dirty fingernails, whatever) or health.
* They were in it for them only. Yes, we're all in it for what we get out of it, but most of us derive pleasure from -- heck, thrive on -- pleasuring our playmates. The folks who just want to take, period, don't work for us.
* They're disrespectful of L. Yes, she loves being a slut and I love her enjoying her slut-dom, but by golly, you'd better treat her like the lady she is, or you'll get nowhere with us.

We're big on feeling the right vibes with folks. Sometimes, no matter how attractive they are, how interested they are, how nice they are, something about their vibe just doesn't feel right to play with. Whatever the reason, if we don't click, we don't click.

One last thought... we try no to "reject" anyone. Instead, if one of us isn't interested, our preference is to allow them to decide it's not right for them, or can't be scheduled, or whatever. We know that ultimately, we can just say "no" -- and sometimes we've had to -- but we'd prefer to allow it to be their decision.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

Originally Posted by socolais

...
At a house party, a couple came on to us very strongly and quickly. My wife and I got the same vibe - they NEEDED to get laid. They were almost aggressive toward us. We didn't exactly tell them we weren't interested but we did invent quick excuses to find a different location. Had they been more laid back and flirty, they might have gotten us into the sack. I guess the option is still open for future parties, but on that day it was a "quiet rejection"...

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

We have met quite a few couples that we were both attracted to, but they were not into what we are into. Next!
I hate meeting with couples that the girl is more interested in meeting me (the female) and blow my SO off. Please let us know before hand because it is a waste of our time. We rather meet with straight couple. If you are bi and going to included my SO, then that is a different story.
Next!
The worst is a couples that do not want to use condoms. We run from them like fire from water. How could you not want to use a condom with a stranger. Yes, the couple may have unprotected sex with each other and you may think that it is safe, but what if there is a secret that they don't know about each other, such as they may be fooling around on each other and having unprotected sex with others. Sorry, we rather not take our chances. We are off to the next one. Next!
Teeth, teeth, teeth. We love a couple with pretty teeth. We met this hot couple last year, they were hot from the outside anyway. Neither one of them had a full set of pretty teeth. I'm talking about rotten and missing teeth. Alrighty then. Next!

Originally Posted by Bama0468

How about I assist on both side with why I have and why I have been rejected...

Why we have- we met this couple on line, we enjoyed their company there, but in person they were this pokey couple, not a flirtatious touching actual POKING, in the arm, sides, legs... actually annoyed the hell out us ... So personal interaction or even lack there of can cause a rejection.

Why we have been- Have been told the Lady thought I looked like her brother or an ex, we were to fluffy and not hard bodied enough, we wouldn't play alone for the first time with a couple ( by alone I mean "can she come over tonight and we will set something up for you next week" ) we are in the same house at the least the first time.

there are some folks as Lee said that the rules get them, one rule my wife checks on with any playmate is kissing, She LOVES to kiss and if they have a no kiss rule it can count to the negative.

Originally Posted by pervgeeks

For us:

1. No physical attraction.

2. Women who seemed pushed into it.

3. Men who are disrespectful toward me.

4. People who lack honesty (such as men who claim to be strait, but aren't).

5. Different ways of playing (heavy in the BDSM scene, or on the other hand people who only want women to play or just want to watch.

6. If a nice friendship develops, fine, but people needing to be our BFF before we play or expect to be our BFF if we do play- uh, buh, buh.

Originally Posted by tribbles

I hope by play preference you mean we see no 'red' flags, like impending drama or a rule like no kissing?

Probably the only time that would happen would be if we had already agreed to go to a party and ONLY play together...an US only night out.

We also would tell them that is the reason and that we hope to meet up soon and offer our email so we can plan a different party to meet at.

Originally Posted by arvcpl

.

Some of the reasons we have rejected people in the past are -

One very nice couple the male reminded my wife of an old boyfriend.

A couple different times all seemed well untill my wife got close to the other guy and he had bad breath.

We have had several people that were nice and attractive but they were looking for long term friendships and were wanting to do vanilla things on a weekly or more basis.

There have been several couples that were really only wanting F/F play even though they initially said they weren't.

There have been lots of times the female half was nice but the male half just sat there and couldn't or didn't want to talk to either of us.

And we have had about a million and half couples that appeared somewhat interested but my wife did not find the male half physically attractive.

And by comparison there was one couple that the male was attractive and nice and my wife liked him but the female couldn't keep her mouth shut for for more than a couple seconds and drove everyone nuts.

We have also not responded to many peoples emails because their profile pics were gross. Gross as in graphic sex and close-up pics.

Hope this helps.

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

Me - Bad teeth, hairy backs, can't hold a conversation

HIm - Bunions (or ugly feet in general)

People who bring a lot of drama or are "forcing" their partners to do this are not "nice" in our book, so they don't qualify as "perfectly nice couples"

Originally Posted by Pensacolapair

Some specific reasons we have said, "No Thanks":

- One member fully (sometimes overly) engaged, the other just along for the ride
- Those who consider "Hi, nice shoes..wanna F**k?" to be the upper limit for conversation.
- Those who need their libido jump-started by liquor or drugs.. and proceed to indulge beyond the ability to perform or enjoy themselves.
- One's 'hot'..the other's not, but they seriously think the 'hot' one more than makes up for it
- Obvious differences, ie; stated preferences, play style, safe-sex, etc. We actually read other's profiles and heed what's in them - we are constantly amazed at how many people don't!

Unfortunatly, many people take rejection personally..or perhaps more accurately, as being about something negative on their part. It can, in fact, be as simple as you just don't make the other folk's hearts beat faster!

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

I can think of a few perfectly nice couples that we've "rejected." The reason? No chemistry. It's something that's undefinable.

The first couple we knew through other friends of ours. She was attractive. He was attractive. They were fun to hang out with. We're about the same age. We have a lot in common. And there was ZERO chemistry. I felt as excited about getting with them as I am to clean my kitchen. There was nothing that either one of them did or said to in any way that turned me off. It just wasn't happening.

Another couple was really fun to hang out with. I was into the girl and the guy. Drew was not attracted to her. At all. She is a good-looking girl, had all her teeth, didn't have bad breath and was a genuinely nice person. But, when the attraction's not there, it's not there.
There have been guys that I've been really attracted to. Not because they had beautiful, rippling muscles. Not because they had finely chiseled features. Not because of the size of any appendage, or anything else. It was attraction. Chemistry.

There was nothing that either couple I talked about above could have done to improve their odds of playing with others. Besides that, isn't this supposed to be fun? If I've got to do a whole lot of self improvement in order to increase my odds of scoring, I'm just fine not scoring as much.

Pepper

Originally Posted by screaminggood

Two reasons:

--Fake breasts. We both enjoy real breasts but have no desire to kiss basketballs.

--Wrong word choice. Sometimes something will come out of a mouth that is just a turn-off to one of us.

[gnb4u]

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I know this is not really a very popular topic and I usually do prefer to post about light hearted and fun topics and I will do so soon once I am done with this little project.

I am going to start another thread and share some info that I gathered from a few other websites for some discussion. Then I PROMISE I will do some posting on some fun stuff.

[iapr]

I have seen this poll on another site along with the discussions and I wanted to mention how maybe this is reflective of some of the difference between how we valure male appearance vs females. How many hours does a female spend before going to a party vs that of a male? Maybe things should flip a little there and the guys should spend 4 hours beautifying and the females take a 5 minute shower and then get dressed and ready to go in 20 minutes.