What would you recommend?

[sexcupid]

Recently we joined the yahoo group for one of the local groups that hosts the hotel parties we've been attending. This has increased the 'random chatters' I get on my messenger, but basically if they are looking at the group members and see someone online then they send a message and id where they 'found' me.

Well, of the last 3...2 have been 'single' males (you know, the married kind) and 1 is a pot smoker.

Now, I do want to say that I am a fairly tolerant person. You make the choices that suit you. If they happen to mesh with our choices, superb. If not, well let's move on. I also am, for the most part, polite to a fault. I don't want to hurt or offend anyone's feelings...but don't want to be a push over either.

My problem with Mr. 420 is that it seems like every time I'm chatting with him he's just sitting around smoking and watching tv....during what I would consider 'regular business hours'. He is part of a couple at least...but I don't know...that just makes me a bit uncomfortable.

One of the 'single' guys has it flat out listed in his profile, he's married, wife doesn't know, etc. Has some absolutely glowing certifications. He messages now and then, but have told him we are not 'on the market' for a single male. He does attend some of the parties and we'll be cordial if we run into him.

The second one's SLS profile is specifically looking for 'day time play' and his yahoo profile lists him as married...so I called him out on it. Wife doesn't know, doesn't want to swing, etc. The SLS profile is 2 years old. Said he hasn't had much luck? Um, duh? Anyway, he asks if we are available next week to meet. He has a female friend that he couples up with on occasion. I politely declined the invite and told him why (not looking for single males, particuarly of the married variety) but that if he did want to continue to chat now and then, that would be fine. He did give a polite response to that so we'll see where it goes.

Ok, with all the story telling out of the way...I have almost been motivated to add to our profile. (Where is my soapbox smilie when I need him? lol ) We do state we are not looking for single males, and we seldom have them contact us so I have seen no need to actually 'block' them. The part I have debated on adding involves the caveat of 'we are not looking for marrieds playing as singles' (nor are we looking for drug users...do what you like, just don't do it around me)...but I don't want to come across as too preachy in our profile. It's supposed to be fun, not a downer.

Any advice?

[SCcpl40]

We live in the South and have gnats which are as pesky as single males who lack any social skills. You see them, hear them, but you learn not to pay any attention to them.

[tribbles]

I'd put Not 420 friendly in my profile and I'd add please to single guys or married guys playing single.

[two42lovers]

Seems like you have two very different issues. Married men who are cheaters, and marijuana.

Nothing wrong with letting people know your preferences in your profile, but you are right, it can reflect negatively on you. (i.e. we don't want this, we don't want that, if you are one of those don't write or we'll block you -lol!) In our profile we choose to not write to people we aren't interested in, or write about stuff we don't want. Much better to write to the people we want to reach, about the things we do enjoy. It's always strange to see something like "no single males" in all caps pasted multiple times in a profile. We typically will not write those couples. Anytime a profile is overly negative (i.e. "we're tired of the flakes" or "no one answers when we email", etc,) we take it as a red flag.

The marijuana issue is a little different. Writing "no drugs" is a bit vague - better to say something like "we don't want to be anywhere near alcohol, marijuana, or illegal drugs". Marijuana is legal in California and other states (if prescribed by a doctor) so if you are comfortable with legal drinking, but not comfortable with legal marijuana it's probably a good idea to say so.

[JustAskJulie]

Actually, I think the issue here IS that you are being too nice. Why are you still talking to these guys? Because you are too nice. You have no interest in them and never will but you are basically leading them to think that they might someday have a shot if they just keep talking to you long enough. Since you are willing to talk to them, you must be somewhat interested... RIGHT? That's what they are thinking.

As Barney Fife would say "Nip it in the Bud" (no pun intended...lol).

It's not about what you have in your profile it comes down to you allowing the chit chat to continue and it's because you are too nice. Putting something in your profile might help but I've found when it comes to Yahoo that it really doesn't matter. Ignore is your best option, followed by don't respond to their messages. Followed by telling them to Go the f away.

[Additude]

The part I have debated on adding involves the caveat of 'we are not looking for marrieds playing as singles' (nor are we looking for drug users...do what you like, just don't do it around me)...

Why do you want to put something like that in your profile?

That makes you look bad, because if I'm not mistaken, many others like myself (Adults), understand that "marrieds playing as singles" (which in itself has many facets, so I think you mean "marrieds playing as singles where the wife doesn't know and approve") and "drug users" are obvious detractors.

"No Singles" or "No Cheating Singles" is fine and "No Illegal Drugs" is fine.....you don't have to express your personal view(s) to the world in your swingers profile.

I think it would make your profile appear as if you had an "Attitude".

[fun4Ds]

Maria, I get where your coming from. I am thinking like Julie said, your too nice, to the ones that you are not interested in. I think we have left our profile open with out saying we are anti pot smokers and don't want Mr. hiding behind wifes back either in our profile. We don't get bothered much.

We just accept the chats without adding them, or allowing them to add us to their messenger list. The messenger system works like that .

We chat, and ask the questions like are you doing this behind your wifes back ? Can we contact her ? Then let people know we don't mind if your a toker just don't be bringing it out to us. We chat about those type things before we add them to our list. If we get bothered by this, we do use the Iggy list when necessary. (Also important) make sure you put them on your Iggy list before you delete them from your list. Other wise, they still see you log in and out.

Those kind of things would be mentioned in the chat long before we actually add someone, or let them see when we are on line in our messenger list..

I'm just wondering if you have in your yahoo profile the box where you can allow others to see me on line checked ? Its separate from the messenger list. So in the groups you subscribe too, if any yahoo member were to see your profile, they know if your on line with a smiley.

Here is an example : We have friends on our messenger list that go invisible. Then if they are on our e-mail list we could look at our address book and there we would see them actually on line, even if they show invisible on the messenger list.

Now if anyone checks the members list in any groups we belong too, they would see either a yellow smiley or a Grey smiley, whether you logged into the group or not you show (On Line) if your just checking your mail. That may be why your getting such off character requests to start a chat.

Like I say, we stopped people from contacting us on a wild guess we would chat, by going to our yahoo profile and checking the box, to not show members when we are on line.

[SW_PA_Couple]

I would recommend, Maria, as Attitude recommends, that you avoid anything negative in an on-line profile. As far as Yahoo specifically is concerned, it matters not what you say in your profile. If you have a Yahoo profile or join any kind of Yahoo group, you will now and forever receive bothersome messages.

Michael

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

I would recommend, Maria, as Attitude recommends, that you avoid anything negative in an on-line profile. As far as Yahoo specifically is concerned, it matters not what you say in your profile. If you have a Yahoo profile or join any kind of Yahoo group, you will now and forever receive bothersome messages.

Michael

This is one reason why I never even turn Yahoo on anymore. Every time I do I have tons of messages waiting, usually with multiples from the same people saying nothing more than "HI". Um, if you've messaged me 3 times and I haven't responded what makes you think time #10 is going to be any different? It got to the point where even in invisible mode it was just too much of a pain in the butt, having to wade through the "offline" messages even.

[screaminggood]

We put in ours that we are "non-smokers, D/DF and require the same." "Drug/Disease Free"....a nice way to let people know what we don't want. I still get an occasional smoker but I just tell them, "no smokers, thanks anyway."

[sexcupid]

In our profile we do have DDF listed...as well as the fact we are looking for no single males.

fun4ds, thanks for the tips for Yahoo.

And today, I was actually what I would consider borderline rude to a random, not-quite-divorced male chatter and he went buh-bye. I'm so proud of myself. rotflmao

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

This is one reason why I never even turn Yahoo on anymore. Every time I do I have tons of messages waiting, usually with multiples from the same people saying nothing more than "HI". Um, if you've messaged me 3 times and I haven't responded what makes you think time #10 is going to be any different? It got to the point where even in invisible mode it was just too much of a pain in the butt, having to wade through the "offline" messages even.

We have long term friends we chat with on Yahoo, so that isn't an option for us. We go invisible and if we do get unwanted messages, we click on th ignore option. This effectively blocks any further messages from that user.

If someone can't bother to email us first, we can't be bothered with them.