Are you a Swinger?

[two42lovers]

By figuring out (as a group) what words to use, and what they mean, we create a framework to hang ideas upon. To talk about ideas, we need a framework so our words and ideas can be understood by others. Absent agreed upon terminology and definitions, we aren't going to get far.

Some don't care about such things, and only concern themselves about what something means to them. Nothing wrong with that at all, but of course the point of this thread is to discuss the different catagories of recreational sex, and figure out what people mean when they use the various terms.

[Bama0468]

Well then let me define what I "feel" they mean.
swingers- a commited couple involved in sexual activities outside of their own marriage ( commitment)

Swingles- Singles looking for NSA sex ( I don't concider friends a string, but a perk) with other singles or commited couples.

Soft swingers- those into making out, fondling, may include fingering/stroking but intercourse is only conducted with the partner (I.E. their spouse) they came with.

Voyeurs- Like to watch others involved in sexual activities

Exhibitionists- those who like to BE watched by others

Full Swap- Commited couples that swap,trade, barter, borrow each others spouse for a wide variety of sexual activities INCLUDING intercourse. These also might include select swingles in their activities.

Open marriages- couples who ussually only play seperate with their playmates and those of their own choosing ( and I ammend my thoughts on this here and there as more Open marriage couples post what it is and how it works in their minds and lives) With or with out their partners knowledge before or after the event. HOWEVER as it pertains to a swing LS the partner is informed usually after the fact.

BD/SM- I don't know enough about this branch to make a semi educated personal definition of this.


Am sure there is more"branches" of the LS but I can not think of them at this point.

[CXXC]

Having a definitive category to which one can associate their activities is much like being able to track ones progress in a scale or personal algorithm.
Let us use the belt system in the martial arts as an example. We all start out with a white belt. By moving forward in technique, proficiency and style we are given a different color which co-ordinates with a certain rank or "degree".
This is a very simplified approach to label and determine where you are on the scale.
I would say that the lifestyle could adopt a similar system for the classification of activities. I am not at all saying that everyone should color-code their activities. However, that would eliminate the guesswork in the clubs. What I do suggest is that specific activities would be associated with a certain term.
There is much confusion as to what constitutes soft swinging. Is oral part of it or no? Do you do this with your partner there or not? This middle ground in swinging should be dissected and set guidelines determined for classification.
Again, man/womankind prefers to have things neatly packaged and labeled. It makes our understanding of concepts and activities easier to grasp.

Another two cents…I guess that makes four. Stop me when I make $1.00.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

By figuring out (as a group) what words to use, and what they mean, we create a framework to hang ideas upon. To talk about ideas, we need a framework so our words and ideas can be understood by others. Absent agreed upon terminology and definitions, we aren't going to get far.

Some don't care about such things, and only concern themselves about what something means to them. Nothing wrong with that at all, but of course the point of this thread is to discuss the different catagories of recreational sex, and figure out what people mean when they use the various terms.

Yes, some don't care, and some only care what it means to them. Others would love the structure a label system or framework would provide. Perhaps it could be helpful overall.

I just don't think that you will get consensus for many subsets of alternative sex arrangements. For instance, I do not agree with Bama's definition of open marriage. I thought I was in an open marriage, but his definition has enough characteristics that do not jive with my definition. And I could be in any of his other categories at any particular time, depending on what I feel like doing, if I or we decide (at times) to swing. So, I'd end up being an outlier because I just can't pin myself down to any particular category of his, and don't meet his definition for what I think I am right now.

And then we could get into the whole "who is deciding on the definition?" I mean, if you aren't in an open marriage or aren't a full swap couple or a voyeur, do you really have a basis to define it for those who are actually in an open marriage or a full swap couple or a voyeur?

Or we could discuss the fact that not all humans want to be labeled; quite a few would prefer to live and let live, and leave the labels and limitations imposed by a definition out of their life and expression thereof.

It is certainly more flexible to not have a detailed definition system, but to simply remain in a broad category such as "swinger" or the other broad categories that exist to allow for personal expansion of ones boundaries and beliefs.

[JustAskJulie]

Funny, I just looked and we don't have a definition for "Swinger" in the Dictionary here. Go figure! We do have a defination for swinging and that is:

SWINGING
An alternative lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social, recreational sexual activities with others, most often on a couple-to-couple basis, with full knowledge and mutual consent of both partners; single men and women are sometimes involved.

That is pretty much what I use to determine things as they apply to this site, specifically clubs that attempt to submit themselves... and the swinger stories. The rule on the stories has always been a couple must be involved somewhere (even if they are swinging seperately... or if the story is told from the perspective of a single who is playing with them). Beyond that, there is no set definition. Swinging is by most definitions a large fully encompassing term that encompasses many FORMS of swinging. So then the question becomes, What kind of swinger are you?

[two42lovers]

The rule on the stories has always been a couple must be involved

Interesting. Is that because if a couple isn't involved somehow, it's simply recreational sex, and you don't consider it "swinging" per se?

[bellady]

IMHO.... swinging is when a couple has recreational sex with other couple(s) or singles. When a husband or wife plays alone I consider that an open marriage. When singles play I assume they are just looking to have sex and do not have a SO to fill their needs. I don't really label them as swingers.

[CXXC]

I pose this thought:
As every organization in the world forms, there are sets of rules, regulations and definitions that are upheld within that organization. These defining characteristics enable the organization to flourish and even recruit new members in charters, chapters or clubs.
These organizations are recognized by the world for what they stand for and believe. Set standards and even naming conventions are used to assist in the creation and building of these organizations.
Before the group can be held with respect in the public eye it must have a clearly outlined definition, organization and convention to guide and educate its members. If there is no guide or definition, it is looked at as unstable and destined to fail.
The fact that there are approximately 4-8 million swingers in the world should teach us something. Without a definitive structure and naming convention, there is no way to account for its members.
One standard, one set of rules; one convention would end the discussion of what and add to the numbers of who. Yes, this would be a long and arduous process that committees and /or a council of representatives would have to oversee. However, I would guarantee that the number of members would increase simply by organization.
I believe that makes six cents. .94 to go.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by CXXC

However, I would guarantee that the number of members would increase simply by organization.
I believe that makes six cents. .94 to go.

Or it would fail because you can't get people to agree on what a "swinger" is.

There has been a world wide org. for over 30 years. Founded by Dr. Robert McGinley.

He held conventions and parties for over 30 years. Fought the government for many of those years. He found the same thing. Everyone wants this lifestyle to be what they want it to be and no one could agree on anything.

Has the "Lifestyle" grown in those 30 years? Yes it has, with each new group wanting it to be something different then what it was ten years before.

Does not matter what any of us are called. This Lifestyle is about what works for you as long as you are not hurting others in the process.

Long, LONG ago Swingers" "Recreational sex between consenting adults." Was so simple but times have changed. For some.

[Bama0468]

Lets suffice it to say that because its a LIFE Style that it evolves. Does life stay static? no, it evolves with each new generation, whether it be by thought,physical or deed. In effect you would have to make a living document to define things, would that could change with each ne "generation" that came along.

Swingers for the most part like the spontaniousness of the LS and to sit and say this is the rules you have to follow in order to be this or that would not set well and as Julie likes to put it, make it more Contrived.

[SEXYCUBANCOUPLE]

We are ( exhibitionists-voyours-fetishes-flirts-teasers- love attention-3somes w/ women only-soft swingers ) we are not full swap ..

[CXXC]

I fully understand that the swinging lifestyle is in constant flux and evolution. I also understand that the lifestyle was formed and an organization was created for it. However, I believe, foolishly as some think, that set standards, conventions and definitions would help the community grow and better govern itself. It would also aid in the recording of actual numbers based upon collected infromation from the populous.
I also understand that this would be a most difficult undertaking. That being said, I fear that this is a pipe dream not to be realized within my lifetime.
isn't that 8 cents now? Wow! This stuff is really adding up!

[Bama0468]

what good would a accurate number give us? more feedom to be open due to mass numbers? More acceptance? I do not think so, in comparison the gay comunity although small at the time, or at least percieved as such) gained and is gaining more acceptance due to making noise, coming out if you will, despite the hardships the forerunners endured.
However! I do not think this would help the swinger as we could not fall into a catagory to give us benifits as other minority groups have (obese, handicaped, etc).

As Lee said there have been and has been folks trying for YEARS and failing to get those in the LS to commit to a firm definition, we are a relativly small group here and we can not agree on a set definition, imagine trying globaly.

As long as there are diferences (which is one reason we all like the lifestyle) there will be no solid consensus ( unless Uncle sam gets involved, but do we really want him inserted into our sex life? I for one have no desire to be bent over and reemed by the government). what we likely should do is what we already do, stop over thinking and relish in our differences and enjoy each other company ( in any way that is pleasant and pleasurable) and do what the honorable club owners do, learn the rules of "society" and play by them while not breaking them (I.E. Lee and his lady can not play as long as they are running their biz, if they accepted money and then played that would throw them into, most likely, a prostition charge if the govenment so pushed.

It also comes to mind that it may be the fact that we can not be so finitely defined that keeps the "laws" from be created to stile us.

and since we are keeping tally... what that for me now....50cents? I am going broke!

[velbuzz]

Swingers as a couple. In our mind its recreational sex.... when we have the time

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

Interesting. Is that because if a couple isn't involved somehow, it's simply recreational sex, and you don't consider it "swinging" per se?

That is basically the determination I made when setting the ground rules for the stories section.