Are you a Swinger?

[Chris&Amelia]

Why do we insist on segregating ourselves like this? I think that Swingers tend to be a pretty broad term, as so much it's really any committed couple who engages in sexual activity with other person(s) with the full knowledge and consent of everybody involved.

Yeah, that's boring. I think so too.

That being said... full-swap couple. If, if we're gonna do this, we're gonna get the most out of it that we can! We would like to cultivate a friendship with the others if we jibe with them... but, hey, sometimes you wanna just get laid.

[xyzzy07]

Full swap couple, but it's sometimes hard to have all four be interested. Last weekend we hooked up with the mythical single woman at a party (never thought it would happen). It was fun but the wife missed having a guy.

I agree with a lot of the posters that many people come to the clubs just to flirt. At one party we were supposed to add stickers to a namebadge to indicate what we were looking for. Good idea, but it didn't work. The main problem was that the stickers were tiny and there were too many possibilities. Not only could you not see them in the dim light, but who could remember what they all meant!

Anyway, it's fun just to go to the parties even when things don't work out perfectly.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Something I am noticing in the responses so far is just about everyone has posted they are a "swinger" meaning they swap.

Daily we see many people post in these forums that they go to watch or be seen but don't swapped or have not swapped yet. Kind of wondering why those people are not posting here?

I know for a fact since I see over 800 people a week at the club that MOST are not swingers. Most are either soft swinging, watching or there to be watched.

Don't forget all the "swingers" whose primary activity is girl-on-girl with no real swapping. (This is not us: we are definitely full swap.)

As far as whether singles are swingers or other such questions, I have my own internal, somewhat squishy definitions for them. But honestly, I am too tired to split semantic hairs with others. Live and let live. Just tell me what you do, and don't do, and we'll go from there.

As far as why the people who go to watch or be seen aren't posting here, I think it's because they don't want to be smacked down... they know they will be accused of not being "real" swingers, but they like to think of themselves that way. If there is one thing people are touchy about, it's their self-identification.

[VegasLee]

Ok, one of the main reasons for bringing this topic up is just what we are seeing in the responses here.

About 30 responses and most of them are very different.

One was

We're swingers. Can't it just be that simple?

As seen here the way our minds work I guess it is no longer "just that simple."

Last Saturday night. At a party with over 300 people at it. With that number of people made it "harder" then need be because you had to wade through the 200+ that are not swingers. They do not play with others. They are there for many of the reasons listed here by everyone. Sorting them becomes time consuming and interesting to say the least. Why sort them? Because we wanted to find the ones that play! (was not a simple task) I noticed that some others have this same problem. The sorting can get discouraging for some.

Some here have pointed out that "couples" are swingers, singles are not yet they party with single women. As Laura pointed out, there are some couples that only play with single women and nothing else and many of those couples don't feel they are Swingers since they only play with Single Women.

Seems by the responses so far it even has some of the single men wondering if they are Swingers or not by the way some have defined Swingers. Are the single women Swingers but the Single men are not?

Some feel that being an exhibitionist or voyeur is part of being a Swinger yet we all know that all voyeurs and exhibitionists are not Swingers. (Is there a math problem in that one? )

I see in one post that not all couples can be Swingers. Only "committed married to each other couples" can be Swingers. They have defined what "couple" is to them. Even the "actions" of what that couple does has been defined as to whether they are a Swinger or not.

Some feel by defining "Swingers" we are "segregating" ourselves yet they limited their view of Swingers to "committed couples."

All the responses have been great here so far. Many because it shows just how differently people look at this "Lifestyle" and these are the people in the Lifestyle. Think about how the "outside" world looks at us since they don't really know what we are really about.

Being in the Adult business most of my life something I learned many years ago from fighting with the federal government and spending way to much on attorneys is definitions. The Federal government considered male-female sex or male-male sex pornography, they did NOT classify Female-Female sex as pornography.

In my view, all of your definitions are correct for you. That is all that matters in your life. I hate labels on people. Don't feel there is a need but as we have seen everyone does label people and define things in their own way here. I am sure there are many more that have not posted their view on what a Swinger is.

I like the simple term as it started out many years ago, "Recreational Sex Between Consenting Adults." No mention of couples, singles, male, female. Just simple fun for all that where involved. Yes, the old perfect world syndrome that has long gone away in our perfect world.

Would still like to hear from the 100's of others here that have their views on Swingers!

[screaminggood]

Hi Vegas Lee,

What am I? A WILD WOMAN?! I was recently asked if I was a swinger by a vanilla man who was coming on to me...and I denied it because his intrepretation was that a swinger will go into a room and do anyone and everyone. I'm definitely not that...although if I could get a trusted friend or spouse to stack the room for me....well, that's different right?!

While we've tried the "true" swinger swapping spouses once, I didn't really like it, but I tend to think it's more because that particular couple wasn't what we thought they were, so I wouldn't rule it out in our future but it's not my priority.

Where does that leave us? I usually describe myself as a "bi-fem with a very happy husband!" I definitely enjoy females, oops, but wait, I'm also all over this board acknowledging that I love a good single man, too. I prefer FMF, MFM, FM, I haven't gotten to the FFFFF or FMMM....but I'm working on them!!!

[two42lovers]

Is there a difference between sex and swinging? If a single woman and a single man are in a non-exclusive sexual relationship, are they swinging? Two women? Two men? If so, everyone on Earth who has ever had sex is a swinger...

What makes it swinging? Seems like the key element is being in a committed relationship and giving one another permission to have sex with others. If you don't need permission, it's not swinging. By this way of thinking, two singles having sex is not swinging. This is not semantics. A single can have sex with whomever they wish. A person in a committed relationship needs permission - without permission they are cheaters. Granting permission is what makes it swinging.

A single who plays with a committed couple (or half of the couple) could be called a swinger, because s/he needs permission from both halves of the couple. By the same logic, a single who has sex with a cheater is themself a cheater. If we are to say s/he isn't the cheater, but only helping the cheater cheat, then a single isn't a swinger, but is only helping the swingers swing. (lol!)

[Chris&Amelia]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

If we are to say s/he isn't the cheater, but only helping the cheater cheat, then a single isn't a swinger, but is only helping the swingers swing. (lol!)

Say that five times real quick.

But you do bring up a very interesting aspect about it, that I completely overlooked. "Permission". I've been knocking this around in my noggin and this does seem to be the key. The one constant that is common of all "Swingers".

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

Is there a difference between sex and swinging? If a single woman and a single man are in a non-exclusive sexual relationship, are they swinging? Two women? Two men? If so, everyone on Earth who has ever had sex is a swinger...

What makes it swinging? Seems like the key element is being in a committed relationship and giving one another permission to have sex with others. If you don't need permission, it's not swinging. By this way of thinking, two singles having sex is not swinging. This is not semantics. A single can have sex with whomever they wish. A person in a committed relationship needs permission - without permission they are cheaters. Granting permission is what makes it swinging.

A single who plays with a committed couple (or half of the couple) could be called a swinger, because s/he needs permission from both halves of the couple. By the same logic, a single who has sex with a cheater is themself a cheater. If we are to say s/he isn't the cheater, but only helping the cheater cheat, then a single isn't a swinger, but is only helping the swingers swing. (lol!)

I prefer the terms knowledge and consent in this case (for me, "permission" lends an air of power to the relationship). Either way, you do make an excellent point.

=)

[perkygl]

I agree....we just like to have sex...lifestyle is something that applies to our spending habits.

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

I prefer the terms knowledge and consent in this case (for me, "permission" lends an air of power to the relationship). Either way, you do make an excellent point.
=)

Agreed, this is the key for most, and maybe the best dividing line. Lest it be too neat and clean though, what about a couple where one gives the other consent to do whatever they want as long as they tell them about it but has no interest themselves. How about the same scenario where the one doesn't even want to know about it but are fine with it happening. Are both members of the couple swingers, even though only one actually participates in the physical act but the the gives consent without participating in any way?

Just to put ourselves in a category, we're a full swap couple to whom swinging is a hobby. We are learning though not to self-define ourselves too strongly since that leads to expectations, instead better to have no expectations other than having fun, go with the flow, and see where things lead.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by cplnuswing

Agreed, this is the key for most, and maybe the best dividing line. Lest it be too neat and clean though, what about a couple where one gives the other consent to do whatever they want as long as they tell them about it but has no interest themselves. How about the same scenario where the one doesn't even want to know about it but are fine with it happening. Are both members of the couple swingers, even though only one actually participates in the physical act but the the gives consent without participating in any way?

Just to put ourselves in a category, we're a full swap couple to whom swinging is a hobby. We are learning though not to self-define ourselves too strongly since that leads to expectations, instead better to have no expectations other than having fun, go with the flow, and see where things lead.

That, my friend, is the kind of hair splitting I prefer to avoid. And for the record, we're pretty much in the same "category" as you.

=)

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

That, my friend, is the kind of hair splitting I prefer to avoid. And for the record, we're pretty much in the same "category" as you.

=)

That was my point

Anytime you try to define something like this in nice little neat boxes, it can get out of hand, really to no end or purpose. We all know what we are or are not in our minds, and that is what matters, not how we fit into the box in someone else's mind.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

A single who plays with a committed couple (or half of the couple) could be called a swinger, because s/he needs permission from both halves of the couple.

I might not be a swinger, but apparently I'm an enabler.



Thrax

[rpu3]

How do you define yourself within the Lifestyle?
How do you define the terms that are used in today’s Lifestyle?
Are there other “fetishes” that you believe are common within today’s Lifestyle?

I am what I am and nothing more, lifestyle or not. Maybe I'm a swinger to some, maybe not to others and even that could be just whatever I am at that particular time.

I've spent so much time trying to figure out what I am and if I fit with "the lifestyle" in I'd exhausted myself. I don't really need a label or definition as much as I thought I did, and it probably isn't too necessary for me to try to define others. I'm more relieved at times to see words like VegasLee's:

All of us have our own views and ways we define the Lifestyle and our personal experiences within this Lifestyle. Does not make any of them right or wrong, just different and that is a good thing.

[two42lovers]

what about a couple where one gives the other consent to do whatever they want as long as they tell them about it but has no interest themselves. How about the same scenario where the one doesn't even want to know about it but are fine with it happening. Are both members of the couple swingers, even though only one actually participates in the physical act but the the gives consent without participating in any way?

Strictly speaking, no. Only the one who plays is swinging, the other is giving consent. In cases where one partner is actually there watching, but otherwise doesn't participate, it does get to be a pretty fine line -lol- but I guess I'd say if they are in the room watching, they are part of it. If they are not there, they're not.