"My spouse couldn't make it..."

[personal416]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

If there was chemistry we'd probably say something like "Oh, that sucks. Can we call him/her and get their expressed permission for you to be here solo?" Then we'd see what their reaction is.

We had a strange one recently. A single guy suggested we meet during the day in a "public place like the park". Ummm... No. This screamed "MARRIED AND CHEATING."

That would be a nice response! Nice redirection, allows you to be suspicious without shutting the door, and it gives them a legitimate opportunity to validate what they said if the "missing person" is just a phone call away.

[Pensacolapair]

As is evident as a consistant theme throughout many threads, there are couples who prefer to meet others via ad sites and couples who prefer Meet n Greets/Lifestyle Clubs. Admittedly, behavior of this type makes a strong case for the latter!

However, we've never had this move that far down the road...where we actually went to meet a couple and had just the guy show up. The reason for that, quite simply, is that until we have established that there is a 'her' (via phone or webcam), arranging a meet is way down on the list. Our insistance on this relatively simple procedure has proven to be a pretty good first line of defense against the less-than-honest and 'fantasy folk'. The excuses given by those who have a problem with it run the gamut from invalid to outright hilarious, but regardless of which it is, for us it makes passing on said prospect an easy decision.

People often read threads like this, shake their heads and ask, "Why do people keep pulling stuff like that?" Um...because, sometimes, it works!

[Tia Vampire]

This just happened to us Wednesday 5/14/08. We were suppose to meet up with this fantastic couple for dinner and my hubby was called into work. I wanted to meet the couple anyway and was thinking about taking a vanilla friend of ours, but felt that they would think I was not being trueful to them, so I ended up not meeting up with them at all and I didn't give them a call. I feel so awful because this was something that was planned a few days ahead of time and at the last minute we had to back out. I know, shame, shame on us, but it is not something we wanted to do or have happen.

[Pensacolapair]

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

This just happened to us Wednesday 5/14/08. We were suppose to meet up with this fantastic couple for dinner and my hubby was called into work. I wanted to meet the couple anyway and was thinking about taking a vanilla friend of ours, but felt that they would think I was not being trueful to them, so I ended up not meeting up with them at all and I didn't give them a call. I feel so awful because this was something that was planned a few days ahead of time and at the last minute we had to back out. I know, shame, shame on us, but it is not something we wanted to do or have happen.

We don't see this situation as being the same. we think what the OP outlined was a situation where all previous contact had been via the internet..the fact that there was a 'her' had not been verified, and 'he' showed up alone. From your post, we get the impression that you had spoken to this couple before and all of you were comfortable that everyone is who they say they are.

Face it: Life Happens..and it happens to all of us. We have had cases where legitimate couples had to cancel plans with us, and we've had occasions when we had to cancel plans. However, in each case we've been involved in the fact that something had come up was always communicated as soon as possible to the other party...which usually resulted in a simple rescheduling and subsequent meet.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

so I ended up not meeting up with them at all and I didn't give them a call.

You didn't just leave them sitting at a restaurant waiting on you, did you?



Teresa

[Tia Vampire]

I hope not. The plan was if I decided to bring my vanilla friend, I would call to let them know that I was still coming. Since my SO could not make it, I did not want to misrepesent us, so I didn't bother going. They already knew that there was a chance of us not showing up because of SO being called in.

[Lightenup]

We actually had this happen on an initial meeting when we first started using internet sites. He showed up alone and said his wife was stuck at work and would try to join us later if she could. It was mighty suspicious but we were new to the ways of meeting potential partners over the internet and, honestly, just didn't know how to get out quickly with minimal embarrassment.

We sat down, ordered drinks and began the nervous introductory small talk. Mrs L is nudging me under the table and looking at the exit. I'm wondering what we've gotten into and trying to decide if his nervous banter was shyness, embarrassment or a cover for creepiness.

About 30 minutes later he got up to take a call and as we were about to make a break for it he came back to the table to tell us his wife was on her way and would be there in about 10 minutes.

She arrived. We stayed and talked for about 2 hours. They called the next day and we setup a 'date night' for the next weekend.

[SW_PA_Couple]

This story does not relate to a private first meeting about which the original poster asked. But it is about people showing up at a house party without their mates. Two men came to a house party yesterday evening with slightly different version of the classic excuse, "my wife/girlfriend could not make it." Note that these men and their respective wife-girlfriend were known to most of the guests in some way or another -- they were there by invitation but not as an invited single. The host and hostess have made it clear in the invitation that this was a couples event. Story does not stop there. Both men began to act like mad dogs in a meat house. Both exhibited behaviour that I am sure they would not have exhibited had their female moderators been present. This, incidentally and interestingly, seemed to disgust some of the female guests and delight others. To compound this crime, it was known to one of the guest couples that one of these guys had been engaged in a week-long argument with his wife as to whether or not he should go alone to this party. When I heard that I almost flipped.

Anyway, do y'all think these two should have been turned away at the door?

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

Anyway, do y'all think these two should have been turned away at the door?

Absolutely, especially if it were a COUPLES night.

our local house party runs "bring a friend" nights, where couples can bring a single guy that they know. but the Onus is on the couple who arrived with the single to ensure he behaves himself. misbehaviour from him is considered misbehaviour on their part.

if the two guys were well known, and it was a "bring a friend" situation, then sure, have one of the couples that knew them vouch for them... but if a couples only night, turn them away. we prefer couples only nights purely because we know the ratio's will be 50:50, where as a bring a friend night usually ends up with 2 guys to a girl...

[Alura]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

Anyway, do y'all think these two should have been turned away at the door?

Absolutely, positively, without a doubt.

Mr. Alura

[knb2004]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

Anyway, do y'all think these two should have been turned away at the door?

Absolutely, in fact were I to attend a party that was ostensably for couples yet allowed single males (especially of the type you describe), it would likely be the last time I went to that particular party.

[two42lovers]

Never had only half of a couple show, but I think it's because we always talk to both halves of a couple on the phone before we meet. We don't actually set a meeting until we talk. "Give us a call when the two of you can both talk, so we can all chat a bit and make plans on when/where to meet. We're both home after 5."

Letting "select" singles into couples parties is pretty common, especially if they are well known by the couples in attendance, or part of a couple where both halves do in fact play but one cannot attend. A lot of women like having extra guys at a party. The way we deal with unequal numbers is by only allowing unpaired solos who are with a couple.

It's more than just walking in the door together. When the sex starts, the solo is required to start the evening by playing with the couple s/he came with - of course they might include others, too. That way no one else at the party is left out without a partner. (We found if a solo guy comes as part of a threesome but starts one-on-one with someone they didn't come with, someone else will not have a partner to start the evening with. Later as the evening progresses, it doesn't really matter.)