Tell me what you like...Sorry, I don't do that

[LikeMinds321]

Here's the scene:

You're swinging with your play partner and you're ready to do something more, but don't know your partner well enough to know what to move on to. So you ask your partner to tell you what else they like - what they would like you to do. Only problem is, what they requested, you don't do, and you have to tell them.

I've had to tell guys this, it didn't bother me, but I wonder how the guys took it. Did they feel rejected or maybe irritated that I asked what more they wanted, but then I couldn't deliver? Those moments didn't stop us from continuing to play, but I have to think it was a bump in the road for them, just a little.

I've not been on the receiving end of this, in that, no guy has asked me what (else) I'd like and then said no to me because it was something he wasn't into.

If anyone has some experience with this or insight you could provide, I'd like to hear it.

LM

[VegasLee]

I have never had anyone in person ask "What do you like." The only ones that have done that are the Internet trolls trying to get cheap thrills with us.

If someone had and it was not something we are into we would be honest, sorry, not into that and just go on with the fun. Really would not think anymore about it from either side.

I don't like to clog my mind with to much thought when having fun.

[iapr]

It's all in the wording and in the context. If I were to make an offer or ask for something that was not wished, what would determine whether I would have an issue with it would be if the rejection were directed at me as a person or directed to the act.

I would not be bothered by a rejection for an act in the slightest and I would appreciate that the person would respect me enough to not let me make them uncomfortable. If on the other hand they were rejecting me personally as a person then of course I would be somewhat hurt.

for instance if I made a suggestion of doing a Peruvian Buttercup and someone just said, "no" and left it at that I would not know if they were interested in anything and would be hesitant to suggest or go further with anything else. If they replied with, "I am not ready yet." or "I am not comfortable with that" or something along those lines I would not be able to tell if it were the act that they were not interested in or ME that they were not interested in.


On the other hand if someone replied with something along the lines of, "i ve never really been into that but I would really like to do a Xenon Galatic Swirl!" then I would be able to tell that it was the act that they weren't into but was still interested in doing things with me.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

I have never had anyone in person ask "What do you like." The only ones that have done that are the Internet trolls trying to get cheap thrills with us.

To clarify, I'm not talking about online communication.

I mean when you're in the midst of play, when you're already enjoying someone.

There are times when men don't direct much or they seem to tip toe carefully with play and I feel that if I don't ask them to speak up and tell me what more they would enjoy or like to do, they'd never explore any further. These are the times I tend to ask for input from them.

LM

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by iapr

It's all in the wording and in the context. If I were to make an offer or ask for something that was not wished, what would determine whether I would have an issue with it would be if the rejection were directed at me as a person or directed to the act.

I'm glad you said this because I was hoping someone would.

How you reject an idea is so important. If after being invited to suggest something, a person made a disgusted face and said, "Eeewww, NO WAY!" that would be wrong.


Peruvian Buttercup and Xenon Galatic Swirl!

Now you have me curious. Please tell me more!

LM

[JustAskJulie]

LM, maybe you can give a more concrete example of something that someone said they'd like to do but you had to turn down.

[socolais]

A very good topic!! I like it when we talk durring playtime and give each other feedback on what we like and much of what we're thinking. A lot of fun positive talk really softens the blow when one of us declines a specific request. I had a request declined once and I wasn't really surprised that she declined, but I think she pretty much lost interest in the activities about then. We had been having fun for a good while and the activity level had slowed down a bit. I noticed that I was starting to get a little soft and I suggested a little sucking would be nice. She responded that she didn't like the taste of condoms (I can understand that). Looking back, perhaps that was a little selfish of me. I've of course noticed the condom taste when going back down after some protected thrusting, and while it's clearly not my favorite sensation, my mind is more on the fun not the condom taste that lasts for only a few seconds.

So while I don't necessarily object to performing oral on her with a little bit of condom taste, I'll leave the option open to her. I think "flavored condoms" are even worse tasting than just lubricated.

This situation helps me really appreciate the couples we've decided that condoms are not necessary.

I don't mind when my request may be declined, actually I like knowing for sure that she has the confidence to say no. I guess I still haven't made up my mind about unbalanced play.

[good times]

I think it is a matter of how it is asked or stated that determines whether it bothers me or not.

I have been in the position of being asked to do something I wasn't willing to do, and have also had someone refuse to do something that I wanted, on several occasions. Usually it is no problem and we proceeded on as if nothing happened. On a couple of occasions though it totally turned me off to the whole play session.

On one occasion it was because a woman refused to do something that I consider a normal, and required part of any play time (kissing).

The other time I can remember is when we were just starting and a woman asked me in an almost bored sort of way, "what do you want me to do?". If she had asked the same question in a more enthusiastic way it would have been totally different, in fact, that usually gets me even more exited. But as it was, it totally turned me off and we went no further.

So, for me, I would say that it doesn't bother me at all as long as the person does it in the right way.

[sweet_tna]

Hmmm, I haven't really run into this one. But in such a case, I'd probably redirect with another suggestion. Example:

Me: What else would you like me to do for you?
He: How about a little anal action?
Me: It's not in my repertoire, darlin'--but how 'bout I ride you like a bucking bronco'?

I would think this would smooth things over nicely.

=)

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

LM, maybe you can give a more concrete example of something that someone said they'd like to do but you had to turn down.

He said he liked his asshole licked.

I had an inviting smile at the time I asked, waiting for his reply, and I kept smiling upon hearing it and said, "Oh, so you like rimming. I've heard a number of people do. But I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with trying that yet."

We continued to play finding other things to do.


I enjoy licking a nice butt, but I haven't any interest in sliding down the "crack."

And no, I didn't say that to him.

LM

[Spoomonkey]

If it were me (and such are the things of my most sweaty dreams, LM ) I would assume that just as you were getting to know me by asking, I was getting to know you by answering. We are going to have to enjoy the moment - and should their be other moments in the future, we are going to have to get to a place where we both enjoy what is going on.

Like anything else - that involves give and take.

So you don't "rim". Fair enough. We'll find other ways to enjoy each other. That is part of the fun.

It may be cliche, but the fun is in discovering.

Spoomonkey

[Additude]

I say, Re-phrase your question.....your asking a loaded question and you already are aware of the consequences.

Instead of "What would you like me to do"? try, "So, tell me....what do you like sexually"? I am sure they will tell you immediately what they would like you to do, but now you can say, "I'm not into that...what else do you like"?

So unless your into everything and have no qualms, just ask your question differently.

[Tia Vampire]

Same room play- only missionary, doggy, and of course oral
Seperate rooms- I'm down for anything normal.

There are some things he would not like to see me do with other men. It seems to be easier to get over embarressing positions when it is just you and the other guy.

I enjoy exploring, so I do not think there is any nomal thing a person can ask me to do that I would say no to. SO is total opposite.

[Ellyanne77]

Damn...I wish i had an unusual fetish. I need broaden my horizons more. Maybe I'll take an inflatable sheep with me to the club next time, and see who wanders my way.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

Damn...I wish i had an unusual fetish. I need broaden my horizons more. Maybe I'll take an inflatable sheep with me to the club next time, and see who wanders my way.

=)