A different swinging purgatory

[JustAskJulie]

The title of this thread had been coming back to me quite a bit lately. I remembered the basis of it, but going back and reading it, it didn't quite fit our situation.

It's interesting to me to read different posts from different age groups. When I was in my early 20's I was swinging with couples in thier 30s and beyond. Now I'm in my 30s and to be honest I can't imagine swinging with most of the "kids" that I encounter in their 20's. What throws the wrench in it for us is that we are in our early/mid 30's and we don't have kids. We don't fit in with the younger couples who don't have kids, but because don't have kids (don't like kids and don't really want to hear about your kids) we find it hard to fit with the couples in our age group (and even somewhat older) as well.

We have no issue swinging with couples into their late 40's and even 50s so long as we find them attractive (and there are some hotties out there in those age ranges. Reading the thread I linked above the couple posting had an issue with playing with older couples. With us, as long as you don't remind us of our parents we aren't going to have an issue.

All that said, I'd say we find ourselves in a very different swinging pergatory, which may add to our reasons for preferring to only meet at clubs and socials... the mid-30s without kids group. It's just one more reason to not meet over dinner... we don't want to spend the entire dinner hearing about your kids. And too often, if we spend a lot of time talking to couples our age with kids we discover we have nothing outside of swinging in common (because we don't have kids).

[mrs good times]

We have the same problem you do Julie because we don't have kids either. Even being in our 40's most of the couples we meet still have kids at home and I think it has a lot to do with couples working on their careers first and starting families so much later now.

Like you meeting at clubs works best for us because we can be spontaneous and most couples cannot. We decide we are going to the club about an hour before we head out the door. Trying to work around schedules and babysitters is not worth the effort to us because we don't have too. Meeting at the clubs, all of those problems have been taken care of, at least for the night.

[sweet_tna]

I don't know what to tell you, Julie. Mr. Sweet and I do have kids. And while it's not ALL we talk about with playmates, it does come up in conversation. It's hard not to talk about something that's such a huge part of your life.

That said, we'd never decline to talk to/play with/befriend a couple without kids. While I'm sure you're not alone out there, it probably does make it a challenge for you to find couples that "fit" your situation.

=)

[two4youinswva]

We can dig where you're coming from, even though we aren't in the same situation.

We are parents. But we don't really like kids, other than our own.

We pretty much assume no one gives a rat's ass about our lives as parents, no matter how cute, talented, and generally awesome we may think our progeny are.

So, we're all about avoiding parent talk and how Junior won the DAR essay contest and is president of the Audio Visual team.

I feel for you though. That's ALL some folks want to talk about, and it ain't sexy, IMHO.

[fun4Ds]

Well we have kids and even grand kids now. We love being with family oriented folks. Mrs.fun could go on for hours as allot of women feel a comfortable ground sharing photos and a few stories.

We found for me personally, talking about family takes away from the mood. We don't mind a little chit chat but lets face it, Ill be the first to change the subject. I can go from most conversations like cars, hobbies, places of interest or current events. to lets get naked.... but not family.

We do well, because we can relate in many ways. We feel some even pick us because we understand having the kids around, but we also are more apt to be able to meet at a spur of the moment since ours are grown now.

We are not in purgatory by any means in our 40's We are being hit on a little more by the younger crowd, because we feel we are less drama than people their own ages. At least thats what we hear.

[prettylady]

My kids are such a big part of my life that I relish the times where I don't have to keep them on the for front of my mind. When in a swing situation, that is my adult time.
If a relationship grows to the point were you care about my kids activities I will share, but not all night.
Like Mr Fun says going from talking about my baby girl to lets do the nasty just makes me go ick! How do you successfully transition from one to the other without looking like some kind of sicko.
Besides I have lots of people who love to hear about my kids. I can get my bragging done then
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Ellyanne77]

I wondered why were not getting a lot of 2nd dates. I guess the other couples were not as interested in the photo albums and ribbons from field day that we always carry with us as we thought. Hmmm good to know.... Note to self: Stop wearing #1 dad shirt to the clubs.
J/K Julie we have kids and really don't much care to have a lot of chat about the ins and outs of our family life.

[lustylearning]

I'll second that! Ugghhhh... we hate doing dinner. We'll meet you for coffee or at a meet n greet or at a club, but we learned that for us, dinner is a lousy way to do a first meet - forced into a situation where you know nothing about each other and must small talk for two hours. God help you if you don't have much in common. On the other hand, if we can dance and share a drink, it's not as important that we don't have a whole lot of vanilla stuff in common.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

We are parents. But we don't really like kids, other than our own.

That pretty much describes us...except, sometimes we don't even like our own


Surprisingly most of the people that Ted and I get along great with don't have children (or have grown children).


It's a fine line balancing children and swinging. I strive hard not to talk about our children when we're out with playmates, basically because when we started I didn't want anyone to know anything about our kids, it was my way of feeling like I was protecting them in case we met any weirdos. Even now with them being mostly grown, I'm still leery about mentioning our children. Over the years there are those we have gotten to know, that have learned things about our children and a few who have met them but, it's not the norm that I blurt out things about them.

In your case, I can see where ya'll are kind of stuck there in the middle...no kids, yet most in your age range have kids...those who are older than you who have grown kids (or no kids) might look at you two and think that you're not at the same spot in life as them, therefore you wouldn't have much in common with them. I think ya'll are doing the right thing by meeting people at the clubs...it saves a lot of headaches on your part.



Teresa

[nicebeaver]

I would have to echo prettylady. We have a daughter and the other couple we have been playing with have young children. I think our adult time is a great release from being parents during the day and all week long. We don't ever talk about the kids "after hours". This is our time to have fun. (In fact, I think I forgot we had kids once or twice) until the next morning.
We talk about music, film, sex and other things of interest, even though our kids are certainly the highest priority in our lives.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by nicebeaver

We talk about music, film, sex and other things of interest, even though our kids are certainly the highest priority in our lives.

And so it should be.

We encountered a couple who, although their own children were grown and out of their house, had nothing more to discuss with us than their grandchildren.

To take a small sidetrack, is the term DINKS still in common use? Do people still recognize what it means?

Michael

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

To take a small sidetrack, is the term DINKS still in common use? Do people still recognize what it means?

Um, is that the "Double Income, No Kids" thing?

[good times]

I had to think about this one for a bit, and yea, it is a drag to go to dinner and have to listen to endless kid stories. But I would much rather go to dinner with parents than people who ride motorcycles. What is it about motorcycle people that makes them think I want to hear about their bikes, or even know they own one for that matter?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

I wondered why were not getting a lot of 2nd dates. I guess the other couples were not as interested in the photo albums and ribbons from field day that we always carry with us as we thought.

Gawd you made me laugh with that.

Thank you!

LM

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by good times

What is it about motorcycle people that makes them think I want to hear about their bikes, or even know they own one for that matter?

I think you are simply meeting the wrong motor-cycle owners.