They talk too much....

[Ellyanne77]

So I was thinking about this today after reading a post someone else posted. Here is our situation of the week/month:

We have this couple we met and we just think they are great. Nice sweet etc. When we first met them they talked about another couple a ton about how great they are and that they are all really good friends. We eventually met this other couple and are also friends but nothing more. They are our dance partners at the club and people we like to hang out with at the club but nothing more. The problem is that they talk about the other couple and the other couple talks about them...to us. Nothing too bad just seems that they tell each other everything. They even go out to dinner with their families etc. We aren't against this just not our thing.

We even had the other couple basically tell us they knew all the stuff we had done b/c they talked to the couple we spend time with...and vice versa. The last time we all met up at the club I was talking to one of the husbands and he told me that the other husband told him everything from our big night out. (Again we play with one but not the other).

So after all of this I made the decision that maybe we shouldn't hang out with either couple anymore. I have this whole don't kiss and tell thing. It bothers me to think that as soon as we get in our car to go home they call the other couple and tell them everything. We haven't seen either couple for a few weeks and in all reality I just could care less if we see them again.

So tell me have any of you run into this before? My thing is why did either couple have to ruin a good thing? Am I just being silly to care?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

The last time we all met up at the club I was talking to one of the husbands and he told me that the other husband told him everything from our big night out. (Again we play with one but not the other).

So after all of this I made the decision that maybe we shouldn't hang out with either couple anymore. I have this whole don't kiss and tell thing. It bothers me to think that as soon as we get in our car to go home they call the other couple and tell them everything.

I don't feel comfortable with kiss-and-tell people, either. It would creep me out.

I'd probably talk to the couple you have sex with, tell them how you feel about discretion, and say that you would sincerely appreciate it if they wouldn't talk to your mutual friends about your sexual encounters. You could say that it makes you uncomfortable to hear play-backs from these other people whom you don't even have sex with, and you don't talk about your encounters with other folks (including them).

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

We haven't seen either couple for a few weeks and in all reality I just could care less if we see them again.

If I really didn't care at all about even seeing them again, I guess I'd just blow the whole thing off.

[good times]

Yep, happens all the time. Is it right, probably not? But it is human nature and happens all the time.

My suggestion would be to tell both couples that you are uncomfortable with this and would prefer they didn't discuss you with each other. Will that stop them from discussing your activities? No, but at least they won't tell you they did it any more.

It sounds like these two couples are very good friends, even outside of swinging. Think about it, you probably discuss stuff with your closest friends that you wouldn't discuss with strangers. The only real foul I see here, is most folks would keep what they discuss with their close friends to themselves. Then again, they might just consider you such a close friend too. In that case, telling them not to do it would let them know that you don't want to here that stuff any more.

[sweet_tna]

I'm with Tybee and GT on this one. Let them know that being talked about makes you uncomfortable, and ask that they respect your privacy.

=)

[Additude]

It's about respect and privacy. You've been violated by their ignorance, and they make no excuses about it.

It's no one else's business. Their adults and they know that.

Now, if you say something to them, all they will do is tell their other friends "Not to say anything", but still tell them anyway.

[des1re06]

That's something we learned very early on was not to give names of other couples or talk about experiences.

We met a newbie couple recently, and all she did was talk about other couples they had met. I plan to talk with her about it the next time we meet. I don't think she's aware of how much of a turn off it is.

We were at the club this past weekend with members of our "house party group" and hubby asked about another couple who had split up. I told him right away that it was none of our business and not to talk about it. That let the other couples know right away that I didn't want gossip among the group about the couple who had split. Sometimes you have to stand up for your friends when they're not around.

Be honest with your friends. You really like them, but are uncomfortable with the amount of information being shared. Of course, that won't stop them from talking about you. It's ingrained in some people to gossip.

I hate gossip, always have. It's a sign of immaturity and lack of self-esteem, if people need to talk about others.

Mrs. D

[prettylady]

I have been on the wrong side of gossip before. Being a known figure in a small town you can't help but be noticed everywhere I go in this hick. I was out for dinner with a male friend the other week (psst, Dog wasn't there) The NEXT DAY I had someone come up to me and ask if Dog and I were still dating because they heard about me and Mr. soandso, who is married of course. We have been friends for 6 years, why can't we have dinner? That's not the first time my life has been topic at the water cooler. I have a real love hate relationship with this town.
I too hate talking about other people. You don't know what is truth and what is fabricated. It is always the lies that people want to hear and spread.

I would let your friends know that you are uncomfortable with your play being part of everyday chatter with others. If you need to drop them as "friends" then you must do what you must do.
Hope everything works out for the best
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

So tell me have any of you run into this before?

Luckily, we haven't.

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

My thing is why did either couple have to ruin a good thing?

They probably aren't even aware of the impact of their actions.

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

Am I just being silly to care?

It's never silly to want to avoid any situation that makes you uncomfortable.

[Ellyanne77]

Thanks for all the responses! I agree with the comments about the fact that they may not even realize what a turn off this is for me in particular. I really think that although we are going to play or hang out with people that others we have been with know its just not right to openly discuss the actions of the others. Not sure what we are going to do at this point but I really think I'm going to talk to hubby and figure out how we both feel about it all. Hopefully we can all see each other at the club and dance but nothing else just be cordial and have a great time.

[JustAskJulie]

I think it's more the naming of names. It would be one thing if they talked about you to this other couple without saying who you were exactly. But then if they only play with a few couples and you all tend to run in the same circles it would be obvious anyway that it was you.

You're going to end up seeing them one way or the other, I'd probably just back off on playing with them at all and if they ask why, tell them point blank that you were tired of hearing about your escapades from others after the fact.