Getting Past the Distractions....

[JustAskJulie]

The below quote came from a post in the "Same Room or Seperate Room" poll/thread, and as I was responding I realized that this question was worth it's own thread.

Originally Posted by couplewanting50

I admit that I need more practice in a group setting like that, but there needs to be no radio. Music, perhaps, mood music, is a possibility, but not radio, with commercials, jingles, voices, and so on.

That is why we came to really love separate room play. Just each of us with our new partner. Having said that, I would like to learn how to be better in the group room, as I think there is a lot of fun to be had there.

So.....how did you learn to deal with all of that? I would like to have some ideas, if you would share some.

Wow, that's a really great question. It's hard enough when it's just four people trying to focus and not get distracted but group rooms are even worse. We often assume it's just the men, but I will step up and admit that I've never been able to get off in a group room type setting for the same reason, just too easily distracted.

I'd love to hear from those who have figured out how to "tune out" the distractions in group settings.

[sweet_tna]

I'm the type of gal that if I'm really enjoying a book I'm reading, a brass band could march right through the room and I'd never notice them. So, if the person/people I'm playing with are good at what they're doing and I'm really into them, then my focus will be on them. I won't notice the "background noise."

Now if I'm not enjoying what's going on, then . . . "Houston, we have a problem."

=)

[Styles-N-Heidi]

Such a good question. Personally my only real issue with large group settings before was my performance, and my only recommendation would be ED medication. I have since became quite the exhibitionist. Heidi and myself love audiences and generally end up playing in voyeur areas of the swinger clubs we attend. Sometimes I reach climax sometimes I don't but I always enjoy myself regardless of the people around me, and climaxing isn't the most important part of the play to me it's the experience as a whole. I know this post of mine offered no real advice, the best I can give is if you can't orgasm then just enjoy the experience. I can always climax with Heidi and I will be sleeping in the same bed with her at the end of the night anyway.

[screaminggood]

I, too, enjoy the attention. I have noticed that when I play with a girl, we tend to go to the voyeurs-allowed room; the men I've been with seem to prefer the no-watching room.

[MtnSwing]

While I (Mr) loves the attention in a group setting Mrs is indifferent but game. Lately though. we've been playing with another couple and the female of this couple is sooooo loud that my wife couldn't concentrate with the noise. Even though we've always insisted on same room play we now play seperately with this couple.

I guess my point is that even people comfortabe in group settings can be thrown off by particularly vigorous and/or noisy partners.

The best advice I can give is to go slow. When I've had performance problems in the past sometimes just some slow kissing and fondling (or sexy talk) can help. It also helps you get used to the ambient noise and slowly tune it out. Too many people think they need to jump on the bed and instantly be super lover. It's YOUR experience. Make it what you want - and if that means sneaking out with one of the hotties for some quiet time so be it.

Move slow, take in the atmosphere and the energy, and have fun. Like others have stated I don't always cum but that's not why I'm there. I'd rather enjoy the experience and make sure my partners have a great time. Focus on the fun and everything else will take care of itself.

I hope this helps.

Mr

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by Styles-N-Heidi

Such a good question. Personally my only real issue with large group settings before was my performance, and my only recommendation would be ED medication. I have since became quite the exhibitionist. Heidi and myself love audiences and generally end up playing in voyeur areas of the swinger clubs we attend. Sometimes I reach climax sometimes I don't but I always enjoy myself regardless of the people around me, and climaxing isn't the most important part of the play to me it's the experience as a whole. I know this post of mine offered no real advice, the best I can give is if you can't orgasm then just enjoy the experience. I can always climax with Heidi and I will be sleeping in the same bed with her at the end of the night anyway.

Drugs like Viagra don't help a bit if your mind is not in it.

[lustylearning]

To me there's a different dynamic in the "group" room, versus the "foursome" room. In a three or four or more couple group, it's easier to blend in. There's almost too much going on to pay attention to anyone else The real challenge for me has been the two couple room. When we started playing, I was acutely aware of the sounds of the other couple, and it would only get worse when I would see my partner focusing on the other couple - I would worry that I wasn't doing enough. Over time I've learned to tune out the noise - it's a must when you're blessed with loud female counterparts It may have been the repeat couples that enabled my acclimation, but I'm only guessing.

[Styles-N-Heidi]

Originally Posted by couplewanting50

Drugs like Viagra don't help a bit if your mind is not in it.

I disagree. If I take cialis 24 hours later if my pants rub against it I pop an erection. It can happen at the most inoportune times. Drugs effect different people in different ways, while it may not help you a bit another man may not be able to keep it down if he wanted to, and even if it helps someone a little bit it's better than no help at all. The best and absolute only way to fully perform well in group play if you aren't comfortable with it is to practice. The more you play in large groups, the more comfortable you will become. Everything in this lifestyle takes getting used to I don't know to many naturals. I could of been Cialis's spokesman when I first started out but as I gained experience my comfort level went up. Now the only time I use Cialis is for large group play, because my nerves no longer are a factor.

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by Styles-N-Heidi

I disagree. If I take cialis 24 hours later if my pants rub against it I pop an erection. It can happen at the most inoportune times. Drugs effect different people in different ways, while it may not help you a bit another man may not be able to keep it down if he wanted to, and even if it helps someone a little bit it's better than no help at all. The best and absolute only way to fully perform well in group play if you aren't comfortable with it is to practice. The more you play in large groups, the more comfortable you will become. Everything in this lifestyle takes getting used to I don't know to many naturals. I could of been Cialis's spokesman when I first started out but as I gained experience my comfort level went up. Now the only time I use Cialis is for large group play, because my nerves no longer are a factor.

Erections are supported by emotional and physiological processes that must both be present. You are free to disagree, but your popped erection is a self-fulfilling prophesy, not anything pharmaceutically driven. Read the literature and you will see that these drugs to not cause erections.

If you have erections that easily, you likely don't need to be augmented by any drug at all. These drugs enhance the physiological side of the equation, and do nothing for the emotional, other than, perhaps, add positive, erotic expectation and mood.

I don't understand your very last sentence.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

We often assume it's just the men, but I will step up and admit that I've never been able to get off in a group room type setting for the same reason, just too easily distracted.

Hear hear! I am easily distracted in group settings...so while what you are doing might feel superb, I'm not going to get there. The distraction can be people walking through, a porn playing in the background, a noisy playmate, etc. And I do try to warn my playmates that even at the best of times, it takes me a while to get there (like 10-15 min)...particuarly since many of the female playmates we've come across seem to rocket off in less than 2 or 3 mintues. So if the guy is used to an extremely easily orgasmic female...well, I'm sure I could give him an inferiority complex...or to steal a line from another post, he might wonder why I'm not coming after 3 licks and throw it back on there being something 'wrong' with me.

So for the most part, I go into a play situation with very little expectation of reaching an orgasm. No, I'm not throwing down a challenge...if it happens great...if it doesn't, no biggie. But maybe that's just me.

I agree with most others that sometimes the 'new-ness' of a situation can lead to some stage fright, but like sweettna said...if it's good enough, then the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade could be marching by the bed and I'll never know. (Same with a book as well...totally get zoned in on it.)

[tribbles]

I was shy at first and also have trouble cumming at the best of times. After a few times in a group room I found that I was very turned on by others cumming and enjoyed the 'vibes'. So....I mentioned that to others and found many feel the same way. And I wanted to be able to be part of the whole experience - so the Mr and I went into group rooms and played together with the goal of me learning how to relax and cum.

Now I focus on how good it feels and how turned on others will be when I do cum. I'm giving that while I'm getting. And if I'm just part of giving, I focus on that person. If convos are going on, sometimes I even join in those when my mouth isn't busy elsewhere. Some of the best times have been those distractions that made us all start laughing in the middle of the play. It's not just about sex and cumming, it's really about FUN.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

To me there's a different dynamic in the "group" room, versus the "foursome" room. In a three or four or more couple group, it's easier to blend in. There's almost too much going on to pay attention to anyone else The real challenge for me has been the two couple room.

I wish that was the case for me. For me it's the opposite, when there are just the 4 of us there are fewer distractions for me.

As Sexcupid said, the littleest thing - someone walking through the room, a conversation (the worst), or a voyeur standing close enough to be noticed.

[Ellyanne77]

I am thinking you are talking about a full room of people like a play room at a club. Its very distracting and we have never actually played fully in a group setting like that and not sure if we ever will just something about it that I (the wife) don't enjoy. I love playing around just not full play in a group room.

[good times]

I haven't figured out how to tune out the distractions either, so I am hoping someone responds here with a simple method.

I do best one-on-one, that is why I prefer separate rooms. With four people I have more trouble staying focused, but can usually stay with it well enough. But in group room settings, forget it, I am usually pretty much a spectator.

[Mr. Sweet]

Well, if only it was like high school when you got the erection as class was letting out and it's "think about baseball, think about golf", think about anything but getting and pointing your way out of the classroom without raising a finger

I will say for me it's all about who I'm with...louder partners are great thing or even ones that just have that one thing that gets you. One of my first was a girl with an evil grin the just went right through you....that certainly kept me on track.

But alas, it's not always like that and the louder room and the more action going on around you makes it....more difficult

So where's the miracle answer to all of this?