Generational differences in swinging

[lustylearning]

After being in the lifestyle for a year and getting to know a variety of folks, we've sometimes found ourselves wondering whether or not there is a generation gap between swingers. It seems as though the 45 and up crowd has stricter boundaries and less tolerance for the 35 and under crowd. The intolerance we've seen reminds me of the old, "I had to walk 10 miles to get to school every morning" mentality - only in this case it sounds more like, "I remember when we had to write to people and wine and dine them." In fact, we've been amazed at how much of an "us and them" feel there is just below the surface...

Anyone else felt it?

[ncmd_couple]

Well, we are in the 45+ group and feel that the younger folks are on a different plane from us. Today is today, yesterday is yesterday. It is all what you bring to the table.

S

[tribbles]

We noticed a difference. The older set gets down to party earlier and faster than the younger set.

[JustAskJulie]

I think it has less to do with age and more with experience... how long they've been in the lifestyle. Just based on an age factor, I imagine that the way I look at early 20somethings is probably the same way you are seeing 45+ looking at you. I think once you've passed a certain age and you look back and see just how much you've changed since then, you look at people who are there and think of what they still have to learn as well.

The other factor is that for those who have been involved in the lifestyle 10 years or more, there is definately a "when I started swinging..... you had to walk 10 miles uphill" factor. I'm in my early 30's but I've been involved in swinging for (damn) over 10 years now. I remember when the first swinger ads sites started, this was actually one of them. Before the ad sites took off the main way to meet people was either word of mouth or through swinger magazines... and if you think it sucks to wait for a response to an email, try waiting for a response to SNAIL MAIL....lol. In the early days of ad sites, it was a complete 180 from the way they work now. Back then you had to pay to place an ad on the sites online, and then pay again to view them (with a few exceptions that were letting you view them for free, and pay to respond). When I created this site it was as an answer to that, it was started as the FIRST completely free swinger ad site. So much has changed since then.

I can look back and say all that. But at the same time, I look at where I am now with a new(ish) husband and basically starting over again in the lifestyle, going through all that newbies go through and being reminded of just what it's like.

[Styles-N-Heidi]

Hmmm. I am not sure if I have noticed a difference. The majority of our playmates are in their mid 20's to mid 30's and we all party like rockstars when we get together. However we do have a set of playmates that own Nympho's here in Louisiana that are a good bit older than us and from our discussions and when they get together with us and our playmates we all seem to be totally compatible and on the same level so to speak. You know I hate to sound like an oddball but the differences could be regional. Louisiana people seem to have a different way of living than everywhere else in the country. I hear people talk about the average age of swingers being in their 40's, but where I live swingers come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. Check out our certs on SLS we have never had a problem finding playmates in our age range.

To the older folks: We love you guys. We never discriminate and your guidance, willingness, stamina, and knowledge has been a blessing to Heidi and myself as we develop in the lifestyle.

-Styles

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

We're equal opportunity swingers. As long as folks have good vibes, are clean, and they want to play, we're game.

Heck, in theory, we're all doing this for the same reason, and that reason is not to talk about the latest MTV videos, or who the meanest math professor is. Limit conversation to topics of common interest, assess each each other as suitable playmates, and get down to the real fun.

[sweet_tna]

We haven't really run into this yet. Maybe it's because the parties and Meet & Greets we attend are frequented by couples closer to our own age.

And Julie, thanks for the reminder of how lucky we are that we have the convenience of ad sites and forums like this to bring us all together.

=)

[Styles-N-Heidi]

I am genuinely intrigued now do you think that states such as California, Louisiana, Arkansas, Florida generally have more variety as far as age than say Wisconsin, Utah, or Montana? :p I know this is a little off course and maybe even deserves it's on thread but have their been any studies conducted on possible regional difference and how general society in a particular area has an effect on the swinging population?

[tribbles]

I have not seen studies done but look at the number of clubs or advertised house parties in the different states, as well as where in the state. There is a difference there.

[havefuninsun]

Our experiences are not varied, but we've played with folks from 26-50 ... and we're somewhere in the middle there. In fact, the house party we attended had a wide range of ages, I think ... and everyone seemed to have a grand ol' time. I know for a fact that four of the couples there have all started this venture in the last two years -- maybe that's the difference you're seeing? It would be that all the couples there are new within the last two or three years (that I don't know). We also had a wide range of play styles there as well.

If I've noticed anything, it's that a lot of the 20-somethings don't want to meet anyone older than 30 ... they're not willing to adventure 10 years (or more) outside of their comfort zone. This is not true of ALL, but I'd say most. My guess is the "yuck" factor -- "that dude is as old as my DAD! OMG!!"

[MtnSwing]

We're mid-forties and have no rules in terms of ages of playmates. We meet most of our playmates at clubs where we have a few hours to dance, flirt and find someone to play with. We've spent a great deal of time with younger swingers and gotten close to playing - but as soon as someone closer to their age group arrives off they go.

We would love to include younger couples but we're also realists. If you're interested in us tell us. We've just learned to focus our energy on the people with the highest liklihood of a connection.

It has nothing to do with bias or prejuduce. We just know that younger swingers are more likely to seek out partners closer to their age and experience level.

If you see us at a party say hello. Let us know your interested and we'll see where it goes.

Mr

[Greg & Sheryl]

We see quite a few generational differences in swinging, although those differences may vary to some degree from region to region, as some have suggested. In our area, one of Colorado's oldest swing clubs recently disbanded largely due to generational differences. Realizing that their membership was aging itself out of existence, clubs leaders recruited some younger swinging to help lead the organization. Unfortunately, the younger swingers didn't see eye to eye with the older swingers, and the club eventually dissolved.

In Denver, the remaining clubs are split largely along generational lines. Of the city's two on-premise clubs, one is generally know as the "young" club while the other is the "old" club. Furthermore, we recently attended the party of a particular off-premise club for the first time to discover that the crowd there was much older than the crowd we were used to at another club where we normally hang out.

Being members of the 40+ group, we're not sure exactly how younger swingers perceive us, but our peers do hold some general beliefs about younger swingers (disclaimer:these are generalizations, so there are certainly many exceptions to these rules):

1. They have a greater tendency to socialize late into the night before starting any play, if they play at all.

2. They place a greater premium on beauty and fitness.

3. They are more prone to jealousy and drama.

We've also noticed that young female swingers are quite fond of getting dressed to the nines on the weekends so they can put on girl/girl shows on the dance floor for their men. A friends of ours dubbed these ladies, "show ponies."

Okay, young'uns...let us have it! What do you think of us old fogies?

[des1re06]

We see a difference in how the younger set party. Some couples tend to drink too much and then aren't ready to have sex until the early morning hours. That's just not our style. This is not always the case, but enough that it makes us watch closely how much they're drinking.

We (43, 48) tend to have a couple of drinks, but focus more on dancing and flirting more than drinking. Around midnight, we've either chosen our couple or single and are ready to play for a few hours. Then we'll hang out at the hot tub, and go back to the bedroom for another round.

We prefer to dance to more current music (Shake That Ass comes to mind), and find that some couples in our age group and older don't care for the loud, new music.

Our play group is in the 32-55 age range.

Mrs. D

[lustylearning]

Thank you all for the thoughtful feedback. Hubby and I are 41 and 38, and have played with 20 somethings to 50 somethings. Our experiences have been, thankfully, probably 97% positive. It is in watching the interactions between our friends that we've been somewhat taken aback.

We would agree that newness in the lifestyle is a strong consideration in examining differences between couples, probably just as important as age...

[iapr]

Hmmmm, while we have only been swinging a couple years I don't know if I agree with your assessment of seasoned swingers complaining of how they had to walk ten miles in blinding snowstorms uphill (both ways) in July. Most of the things I have heard from the more seasoned people is that actually having sex 'back in the day' was a lot easier back then than it is now.

Yes, the initial correspondence via snail mail and monthly swinger publications took longer to meet in person but when the time came to meet in person it was pretty well understood it was for a sexual experience and as long as noone got cold feet or there wasn't any actual disqualifications people got naked and down to business.

If I hear the more experienced swingers complaining today it is often about how the "new lifestylers" today are actually more timid about sex than their predacessors and how today there are more people that just want to dress up slutty and dirty dance and for the chicks to nipple-lick on each other and then call it good and go home.

If I hear old time "wife swappers" complain it is that people are more into the friendship thing and the flirting and teasing rather than getting naked and having a sexual experience.