married swinging versus bf/gf swinging

[audiguyvdubgirl]

Is there a big difference? Do those of you who swing as a married couple or non-married couple have different rules when it comes to swinging? It may not be a big deal, but I was just curious. As a married couple do you mainly play together or do you have the option of playing separately at a party, eventually reconnecting to continue the experience? My partner is more into the the idea of playing together with another couple versus individual swing. As for myself, I'm cool with either aspect, and feel either could be would be really fun, but I certainly would never go against her idea of how we should swing.

Regrettably, we have yet to swing, but have attended parties. We're looking for a couple or couples that we could develop a relationship with as opposed to just going to a party and hooking up with someone (although that could be fun). Despite living in San Francisco, it has been difficult at best, to find that elusive couple.

[VegasLee]

You will find that some don't want to party with unmarried couples and others will. With us personally it is more about the people then anything else.

We are different then many, Laura parties at the party with who she wants, I party with who I want. We always know who the other is with and where they are at in the party. Sometimes we do end up with a couple but over the years have found it is to hard to find four people that all like each other so we don't tend to go that way often.

What we do works for us. You will find the same for you. What works for you is what you need to stay with. You will find your game in time. Does not happen over night.

[screaminggood]

We are a MWC. We only party together...because participating and watching each other enjoy themselves is what excites us. We're in it for great sex but not like when we were single; the lifestyle is kind of like a live vibrator...a marital aid in the bedroom.
And please don't be offended, but the rest of you are my "toys."

Just like a good vacation, a good evening can develop the memories that make us smile at each other with that knowing glint.

[havefuninsun]

We were a bf/gf swing couple, now we're a married swing couple. Nothing has changed with how we swing, EXCEPT that we're always evolving ... but it has nothing to do with being married or not. We're as committed married as we were single.

Not much help, huh? LOL

[sweet_tna]

I'm married, but Mr. Sweet and I will play with any couple we make a good connection with--married or not.

You'll have to figure out what your preferences are, and work with them.

=)

[Styles-N-Heidi]

We are a bf/gf swing couple and I personally don't see how things could be different. We are very much in love and I am very protective over Heidi and very observative of her level of comfort when playing with new partners. We are working towards marriage just like any other couple that sees a future together, but I must admit being unmarried does seem to throw up a red flag with some people until they get to see how close we are some jump to the assumptions that gf/bf couples are just using each other as a kickstand in the lifestyle. We have never been turned down because we weren't married. There have been some that have expressed concerns but after they see the connection we share and our interaction with each other they see that we really are as we say we are. In love.

The only thing I see changing as someone else stated previously is our growth in the lifestyle. We evolve constantly and take every new experience as a learning experience. That is one thing that will never change.

[audiguyvdubgirl]

Thank you all for your responses. It's interesting to get each couples view on swinging. As for the marriage thing, I know it's sort of a crap shoot to swing with unmarried couples for the reasons listed above, but I think the same could be applied to married couples as well. My gf and I are both of the opinion that we don't need a piece of paper to prove the validity of our love for one another and if we ever get the chance to swing, we'll be seen as exciting and trustworthy as a couple who are married. Considering that we have both been in marriages that ultimately didn't work out, we both feel and are quite content with not being married. For us; been there, done that. I think marriage is great, but speaking for myself, I wouldn't do it again and don't want to. Anyway, for the purposes of swinging, I can understand how one can get the impression that the unmarried couple is only in it for all of the wrong reasons. In any case, I think most of you all are wise enough to discern that married or unmarried, it just depends on the individuals. Again, thank you all for your lending me your eyes...Peace.

[JustAskJulie]

What your rules are shouldn't have anything to do with whether or not you are married. I've seen similar questions asked before it always makes me wonder if the couple asking really views themselves as a long-term couple. If you do look at yourself as a long -term couple (the only difference is a piece of paper) then whether or not you are married should NOT affect the boundaries you set for yourself as a couple.

The fact that you ask that would make me question whether or not you were a seriously committed couple to the extent that we would play with you. As to whether or not we require that people we play with be married, not really. We do try to get a feel for how the couple interacts together as a couple and whether or not they really seem to be a committed couple. Of course, every situation is different. If we met you for drinks and chatted we'd obviously get to know a lot more about you than we would if we met you at a club and just talked for a short bit before playing. In the latter case we may not ever know if you are married unless you volunteer the info.

[audiguyvdubgirl]

The fact that you ask that would make me question whether or not you were a seriously committed couple to the extent that we would play with you.

I only asked out of curiosity, not to put our relationship on display or to give anyone a sense of what our relationship is like. The question was just to understand how couples approach swinging. We're fine, but we're new to the swing community just within the past 5-6 mothns and again, we have yet to swing with anyone (not by choice, just haven't made that connection with anyone). We're still having discourse about what we'd do in a situation where we actually get to swing. The difference between her and I is that I'm the more adventurous one and am not one to really care about boundaries. After all, I ran Bay To Breakers (a 7.46 mile race naked). That's not even a big deal, but she would and could never do that. 1)She's not THAT outgoing and 2)she's in a position career wise where if she were to do something like that, the repercussions could be detrimental to her job.

Anyway, the most we've done was to have same room sex with other people who were doing the same thing. I only asked because even though swinging is swinging, married or not, some couples have their own set of boundaries as to what they will participate in. That's all I was interested in finding out. Of course, I went off on a tangent regarding the whole marriage thing.

[audiguyvdubgirl]

What your rules are shouldn't have anything to do with whether or not you are married. I've seen similar questions asked before it always makes me wonder if the couple asking really views themselves as a long-term couple...

Oh, and as far as whether or not we see other as a long-term couple, well, that remains to be seen Julie. We just take each day as it comes. So far we've been together for a year and a half and it's been great.

[Sico_tiko]

I thing there is no big difference between married couples and non maried couples in swinging as i think both have there own restrictions and stuff.

[Chris&Amelia]

We're both married, but our first couple to take our "vanilla cherry" was a boyfriend and girlfriend. Amelia has never expressed a preference to me about the matter, but I think that I slightly prefer married couples. But, really, if we connect, it doesn't really matter if they're good people.

[Pepper & Drew]

Nope, in our case, the couple doesn't have to be married. In fact, some of our closest friends are getting married later this year. As an aside, that's going to be a hell of bachelor/bachelorette party.

Anywho, as long as they're committed, it's all good.

Pepper

[foozballnow]

We found that people needed to see us more often before they took us seriously. We were unmarried and very young, 22 and 21. We have since been married but that was only recently. We have our own circle of friends now so when people see that we know people they take us more seriously. We just wish people wouldnt look at us like we are too young. Aren't we all here to have fun?

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by foozballnow

We found that people needed to see us more often before they took us seriously. We were unmarried and very young, 22 and 21. We have since been married but that was only recently. We have our own circle of friends now so when people see that we know people they take us more seriously. We just wish people wouldnt look at us like we are too young. Aren't we all here to have fun?

Not to hijack the thread, but you've got to realize that to the majority of swingers are of the age group that they have children that are close to your age. Age isn't all that important to everyone, but some people have a hard time taking their kids seriously, and therefore wouldn't take you seriously either. I'm only 31, but honestly, I have no real desire to be with someone 10years younger than I. It's just a preference. And I could understand why some couples turned us down when I was 25.

But cheer up! You'll get older.

Pepper