Is an inactive swinger a swinger still?

[JustAskJulie]

Some of the discussions in the thread: "Is it a lifestyle or a hobby?" got me thinking....

If you are not actively swinging, are you still a swinger? What is it that makes someone a "swinger", anyway? We have so many different defintions of what swinging is, who it includes, what it includes... but what is it that determines if you are a swinger?

If you haven't played in a year but think you might again, are you still a swinger?

If you haven't played in 10 years and probably never will again but you still hang out and are friends with swingers because you like their attitude better than vanilla people, are you a swinger? Or just a wanna-be?

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

If you haven't played in 10 years and probably never will again but you still hang out and are friends with swingers because you like their attitude better than vanilla people, are you a swinger? Or just a wanna-be?

Maybe you would be a retired swinger.

[havefuninsun]

GREAT question! I think you're always a swinger.

I think being a swinger is how you look at sex and your relationship(s). I also think it has a lot to do with why you choose NOT to swing anymore ... I think some people try it, and it's very negative to them (maybe a lot of jealousy issues, etc.). These people are not swingers to me.

Because of our unbelievable schedules right now, we don't get to play often, but we consider ourselves swingers none-the-less.

[Pepper & Drew]

I say once a swinger, always a swinger. We took a break last winter, but we still hung out with our swinger friends. I think if we never swung again, we'd still think like swingers, feel like swingers, talk like swingers. I don't think you can unring the bell.

Pepper

[socolais]

I think we don't swing to become swingers - we swing BECAUSE we're swingers. Therefore, once a swinger, always a swinger,,,, but perhaps there can be a few exceptions......

[SCcpl40]

We don't think every couple can be on, all the time. Family, jobs, and work may change the frequency in which people can play. For us, once in the lifestyle, you'll find normal life boring!

[Spoomonkey]

For me, swinging is something I do - not something I am. I used to play football, but I doubt I'd call myself a football player now. I used to be a preacher, but now... Well... Come on

I am not going to try to define others, but for me I am a swinger when I am swinging. If I'm not swinging, I'm not a swinger. I may know a lot about the topic (as some of our inactive folks here do) but I don't think I'd carry the label personally.

Spoomonkey

[ViSexual]

I think that 'swinging' is an attitude.

It's certainly not something that most people have.

But, those of us who do, can't just turn it off and on..., it's just the way we are.

Even though we're not, currently, participating for whatever reasons, we're still swingers.

[willyoats]

My nomination for the correct label for an inactive, former swinger: "swunger"

It does not have a good "ring" to it, but it beats the heck out of "has-been".

It's also useful to have a legit label to use when confronted with an inquiry about whether or not you are a swinger. One of our kids blindsided my wife a few years ago with that question. It came out of the blue, but it happened a few weeks after we decided that we were going to stop swinging. My wife answered with what she thought was a truthful, but possibly evasive, "no". (She answered that way because I did not believe that our kids were old enough to handle such intimate knowledge of our sex lives. They are old enough now and they know all of our history.)

If our daughter had been more like a old congressman chasing commies and asked whether we were now, or ever had been, swingers, it would have been more difficult to find a truthfully evasive answer.

[oncewere]

Speaking as one who fits the description, I have to liken it in some ways to being a recovering alcoholic. I can resist the temptation but the yearning never goes away. In some ways it gets stronger. When your spouse isn't interested you just suck it up.

[VanHlebar]

Great question Julie! I am not a huge fan of the term "swinger" only because of the negative attitude that seems to be tagged with it. I sort of agree with Spoo in that I am a swinger when actually swinging but then the question is when am I swinging? I think I have been "swinging" most of my life. Not in a sexual sense, but in the attitude. I have never been one that was jealous of other guys hitting on my girlfriend or wife and well I have always been one to be "friendly" with other ladies even when I had a girlfriend and with my first wife.

I think that you can surely stop the swinging activities, but I am not so sure that you can stop the thought process if you will, at least I can't. MrsVan and I could stop playing with playmates, but there is no way that I could stop pointing out attractive guys or ladies to her, etc etc.

-Van

[BiloxiCouple]

Swinging is just not about the sex, it's an attitude.

I've said that before.

While I physically may not be able to do anything for a while, I am still mind---fucking you

[tribbles]

It might make a difference why someone isn't swinging right now. A year off could happen for many reasons but 10 years = retired swinger IMO.

[sweet_tna]

Hmmm . . . another one of those questions that really only matters how each of us defines the term. For me, we're actively swinging, ergo we're swingers. If we decide to hit the pause button at some point, I'd probably still consider us swingers.

But if we decide we're done for good and turn in our swinger cards, then I can't see us calling ourselves swingers.

=)

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Hmmm . . . another one of those questions that really only matters how each of us defines the term.

Excellent point. Everyone defines themselves differently in the lifestyle. As many types of swingers as there are (poly, full swap, voyours, MFM, FF, FMF, etc) there are ways to define yourself as well.

Whose really to say as a blanket statement that if you are inactive (for whatever reason) you are or aren't still a swinger? Is it based on attitude or activity? Then what would the attitude be and how much activity?

For me I don't define myself by everything I like, do or participate in. We have sex with other people when we get the chance and the stars are aligned ... but we also love to watch football, go to movies, dance, shop, travel, run, exercise. You get the point...sometimes I'm a football fan (FL Gators!) and sometimes I'm a swinger then other times I'm a runner in such events as the Indy 1/2 marathon.

So if you ask me on first meeting if I am..."whatever" I'd probably answer yes I am a swinger...football nut...runner. I'm not doing any of that at the moment the question is asked but I have been and done those things...so you decide.

Mrs Spoomonkey