Tips for confidence? date coming up

[Ripley & Ender]

Ripley (F) here...
We've made a date with swinger friends of ours for a couple weeks from now. Depending on how things go this could be our first, er, "full-swing" experience (previous MFM threesome with another friend that went really well a few months ago).

I'm excited - it's been a long road getting here, a lot of insecurities to work through - and I'm also really nervous.
It's midwinter in Ohio, and my self-esteem is about as low as the cloud cover, mainly due to lack of sunshine. I'll be fine come summer. Right now I feel unattractive (would you like a side of cottage cheese with this ass? how do you like the feel of oral sex with these braces digging into you?) and, well, boring.

And despite all Ender's reassurances, I'm still battling fears that somehow I'll be left out, left behind, whatever. He's a natural swinger/polyamour. I'm...eh...a fraidy-cat. With our MFM, I was the same excited/scared combo and all the fear had been pretty much flushed out of me by the time I actually took the first step - just taking the first step, then everything else was easy and natural.

Is it normal, when you're getting started, to worry about someone else pleasing your partner and being more [fill in the blank] than you?

I am very comfortable with our friends and I'm looking forward to the whole thing. When I take my fears to their worst-case scenario and look at that, I know I'll be fine regardless.

My big worry is that somewhere in the middle of things I will see Ender having a good time from the other lady and I'll just turn into a horrible insecure nobody-loves-me mess. Nobody in the room at that point would deserve that!

[socolais]

I think the excitement and uncertainty make swinging especially fun for us beginners. There's always that nagging question in the back of my mind - what if I don't connect at the party and my wife does (and has a great time). Well, that hasn't happened yet so I stopped thinking about it. And even if it did (or visa versa) we'd still both have a fun time at the party and afterwards too. It's not like the objective of the evening is to get layed exactly (although that frequently happens), the objective is to have fun. As long as everyone respects everyone else involved, there's nothing to get shaken up about and no need for unpredictable (in a bad way) behavior. If something gets to be uncomfortable, just take a little break.

[sweet_tna]

I think we've all had those same concerns starting out--at least I have. Just try to RELAX and be yourselves. This couple obviously found you attractive enough to want to meet ya'll, so that's a good starting point. Assuming all goes well and everyone clicks, then hopefully, you'll all be excited enough that those concerns melt away.

My hubby spent years telling me how attractive/sexy he finds me, but it didn't wash with me, because he's my husband--he's "supposed" to think that. Realizing that other men found me attractive and sexy was a huge confidence booster, and it makes me a lot less nervous (notice I didn't say not nervous at all) when meeting new folks.

Just keep talking to your hubby about how you feel, move at your own pace, and have fun!

=)

[BCinIN]

Hi there,

Insecurity and nervousness are perfectly normal in the beginning. Communication between you and Ender is, as you probably know, the ultimate key to your working through it quickly and fully. Honest, heartfelt, voluntary reassurance goes a long way to stifle fears and reinforce confidence coming into the lifestyle--C and I spent a good two months talking about scenarios, asking each other "what if" questions, and discussing our relative outlooks on...well, on just about everything sexual and swinging-related there is to talk about, before we started making any dates or going to the club. It proved to be the best thing we ever did! Not only did we come out of that period in tip-top emotional shape, but we got to know each other a lot better than ever before, and had discovered enough about each other's fantasies and desires to boost our sex life (which was already the best either of us have ever had by a long shot) tremendously. This last detail may seem odd after ten years of marriage, but we found that it's surprising just how...for lack of a better word, productive, conversations about swinging can be, and also the number of other topics to which they lead. So many things we'd just never bothered to ask each other over the years...by the end of that two months, we'd asked each other everything we could think of, and in at least three different ways! Well, hey: we were excited. I can never overstate how awesome communication is.

The first encounter, I must say, in particular the nervousness associated with it, is extremely arousing. Savor every moment!

[Ed & Bunny]

Your not alone in your feelings. Bunny had all the same worries prior to our first swap. Then it happened. The only jealousy that popped up was that the other gal was getting a better ride than she was. But seeing me with her dindt bother Bunny in the least. So just relax and let things happen.

[CrazyCampers]

Yes, you are normal and the fact that you have these worries means that you will be just fine. If you were thinking anything else, then you should concerned because feeling nervous is all part of it, matter of fact, for us, the best part of it. Nothing beats meeting a new couple and being nervous about should I kiss them now or later, do they want a kiss even? We've been doing this a while now and it gets to be a little easier if not even routine after a while so kinda miss what it was like at the beginning feeling like a little kid.

Don't sweat it, braces on an adult woman...hmmm, I'm thinking I have a new fantasy to check off my list...coming up our way anytime in the near future?

my .02 watts

[fun4Ds]

Not to see things lightly but we look at each other for confidence. We trust each others oppinions. Its hard to believe we would be giving each other advice like we do but, one of our favorite things we say now is

" honey do I look fuckable"

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

" honey do I look fuckable"

Can I borrow that one?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Not to see things lightly but we look at each other for confidence. We trust each others oppinions. Its hard to believe we would be giving each other advice like we do but, one of our favorite things we say now is

" honey do I look fuckable"

I so loved this, fun4Ds!

For one, it is a great way to bring humor into preparing for the night out with your spouse. Humor relaxes you and loosens you up.

This brought to mind something we do after we get in our car to head out for a swing night.

The garage door goes up, we turn the ignition, then we look at each other with a big smile and give each other a slappin' high 5 and say,

"We're HOT!!!"

We laugh our heads off, feel more relaxed, and confident.

Ripley ~

My advice is don't get caught up in overthinking things. If you do you'll nearly always think the worst and get all frazzled.

Keep it light and in perspective and you and hubby will have a great time.

LM