question for the ladies- do you fear leading someone on?

[iapr]

Recently I had an interesting conversation with a gal who said that she has a real hang up about showing interest in guys because she fears that she will be accused of "leading them on" if she doesn't end up sealing the deal with them. At first I just assumed that was her excuse for not interacting with me much but the more she talked about it the more I could see that it is a real issue for her and it is impacting her ability to interact with people and to enjoy the experience with them to it's potential. She eventually struck me as sincere that she wished she could flirt and smooch and grabass around with everyone else but she feared that if she did that that people would expect sex and if she wasn't sure that she wanted to go to bed with them then she didn't want to grab ass with them and lead them on.

My question is not so much about her and her situation I was just using that as an expample, but rather I want to hear from you ladies here on if this is a fear of yours as well and if so how does it impact you and your actions when you are out in a lifestyle situation?
-Do you keep yourself from doing with others that which you would like to do for fear of leading them on and making them believe that there is going to be more?
-Do you feel comfortable enough with your own boundries and are comfortable enough with enforcing them that you are able to enjoy yourselves with other people to the fullest without worrying about if they have expectations.
-Is this a legitimate concern or was this really a very well disquised blow-off and "get outta my face" message?

And importantly is there anything we men can do to help lessen this concern and make people more comfortable in pursuing thier interests without fear of being accused of being a cocktease?

I think this is a interesting issue because many people greatly value the flirting and dirty dancing and sexual banter that takes place between people even though it does not necessarily lead to sex. To not partake in those activities out of fear for not wanting to be thought of as a tease seems kind of self defeating in many ways. What do you think??

[Ellyanne77]

I enjoy flirting and dancing for sure but like you said before it doesn't mean anything but flirting and dancing will happen. Do I avoid with some b/c i'm concerned with leading them on...absolutely. I love to flirt and be an "untouchable" to some. I do avoid dancing or flirty directly with someone I know I would not be interested in.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by iapr

My question is not so much about her and her situation I was just using that as an expample, but rather I want to hear from you ladies here on if this is a fear of yours as well and if so how does it impact you and your actions when you are out in a lifestyle situation?

-Do you keep yourself from doing with others that which you would like to do for fear of leading them on and making them believe that there is going to be more?

-Do you feel comfortable enough with your own boundries and are comfortable enough with enforcing them that you are able to enjoy yourselves with other people to the fullest without worrying about if they have expectations.

-Is this a legitimate concern or was this really a very well disquised blow-off and "get outta my face" message?

And importantly is there anything we men can do to help lessen this concern and make people more comfortable in pursuing thier interests without fear of being accused of being a cocktease?

I think this is a interesting issue because many people greatly value the flirting and dirty dancing and sexual banter that takes place between people even though it does not necessarily lead to sex. To not partake in those activities out of fear for not wanting to be thought of as a tease seems kind of self defeating in many ways. What do you think??

To a certain extent, yes...it also greatly depends on what type of environment we are in at the time. This kind of goes back to the thread I started a while back... Being nice, does not equal I want to play.

I will be nice and talk to everyone but in a swinging environment...unless you're someone that I'm interested in getting down and dirty with, I've found that it's better NOT to play grab-ass or bump and grind, with men or women. In swinging situations, where everyone is there for sex, I think there are those that view this as an invitation and not just as having fun.

When in a vanilla situation, grab-ass and bump and grinding isn't taken the same way...it's looked at as more just innocent flirting and fun, no expectations of anything happening later. There's probably hope that it might, but it really is looked at differently due to the environment.

I'm very comfortable with my boundaries and enforcing them but again, I don't want to lead anyone on so it's better to only play slap and tickle with those I would welcome. So, it is a legitimate concern for me and one I'm very conscious of.

As to what men could do to lessen this...I really have no idea but, accepting the flirting and teasing for what it is, just fun interactions and not expecting anything more to come from it unless I ask...You wanna fuck?

Teresa

[LFM2]

I think it goes back to going to a M&G or a club (or anywhere for that matter) with absolutely NO expectations. Do not expect to get laid by anyone. Here, the big party that we have bi-yearly is one huge flirt-fest. Everyone flirts with everyone and just because they've flirted with you doesn't mean they actually want to take you to their room. It just means they're having fun but not necessarily wanting to screw anyone.

It will be interesting for sure to read the rest of the posts here.

[SCcpl40]

A woman can enjoy all levels of flirtation and have complete control of the situation. She can decide on when, where, and how she wants to have sex. She has the option of changing her mind at the last minute. If however the man moves past the point where she asked him to stop, he's at risk of an unwanted sexual advance.

As with both genders there are dominate and submissive people. Anyone can take advantage of or be taken advantage of. Use common sense and only put yourself in situations where you have options.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by TNT

I will be nice and talk to everyone but in a swinging environment...unless you're someone that I'm interested in getting down and dirty with, I've found that it's better NOT to play grab-ass or bump and grind, with men or women. In swinging situations, where everyone is there for sex, I think there are those that view this as an invitation and not just as having fun.

, My answer is precisely the same as what Teresa said.

And importantly is there anything we men can do to help lessen this concern and make people more comfortable in pursuing thier interests without fear of being accused of being a cocktease?

All men (and women) are very different individuals. Some will read a friendly smile and a couple minutes of friendly conversation as an invitation, and would surely register flirty dancing and butt-patting as a sexual invitation. Others will understand that many people are just outgoing and friendly to a lot of people, they're just enjoying the ambience and fun of it all, and haven't necessarily picked you out (or anybody else) as their playmate at that point.

I do tend to curb my enthusiasm with people that I won't play with, if I'm getting that vibe that they're waiting/looking for a "go" sign, rather than just being in the moment, mingling in general.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

All men (and women) are very different individuals. Some will read a friendly smile and a couple minutes of friendly conversation as an invitation, and would surely register flirty dancing and butt-patting as a sexual invitation. Others will understand that many people are just outgoing and friendly to a lot of people, they're just enjoying the ambience and fun of it all, and haven't necessarily picked you out (or anybody else) as their playmate at that point.
.

To Tybee & TNT. I definately watch what I do around some people in swinging situations. We've found that when dealing with some newbies just talking to them is enough for them to think we want more. So, yes unless I'm interested or at least potentially interested I'm not going to bump and grind or play grab-ass with you. There are people I know and who know me that I can do those things with and I know they don't take it as anything more than innocent flirting... but unless I know you well enough to know how you will take it I find it best to avoid it.

[Ripley & Ender]

**disclaimer - I'm a still-very-fresh newbie. ONE MFM threesome.**

Yeah, it worries me. I'd like to get over that, because it looks like a lot of fun.

I'm a very serious person, though, and flirting is really hard for me UNTIL I've done more than flirt. I have no problem flirting with any of the men I've actually made out with and would do so again....

[sweet_tna]

I'm flirtatious by nature, and it would take a lot of the fun out of meeting others for me if I had to refrain from doing that. But most of my flirting is verbal and facial expressions. I don't tend to touch/tease unless I'm comfortable/interested enough in someone. So maybe that's the difference--to me, that's teasing, and I don't tease unless I'm prepared to follow through. YMMV

=)

[Tia Vampire]

My SO doesn't flirt at all with anyone. He's very scared of misleading someone. I'm more of the flirt and I flirt with everyone so that not just one couple feel that i'm interested in them.