Open-Minded Swingers

[BiloxiCouple]

I have been thinking about doing this type of thread for a while. We'll see where it goes.

Sometimes it is assumed that swingers are open-minded to everything. I doubt it. Swingers are people who are doing something outside of acceptable society norms. They are doing this for themselves and to get out of it what they want. If it doesn't fit within what they want they are probably only open-minded as long as it isn't near them. The worst of what they don't want can't even be in the same building as them. Makes sense to me.

There is a mentatility of people that when things don't go their way in swinging accuse us/ya'll of not being open-minded. Yuk. Like all arguements degenerating into a Nazi/Hitler insult. I am open-minded as long as it suits me. There are some things I don't do and some things I don't want to see. The things I don't want to see I am not open-minded about. That's my business continue on with yours somewhere else. I am not going to condemn you for it, just the way it is.

To sum it up for me, swingers are people. They screw up. They do the right thing. They get drunk and do stupid stuff and pass out. They pass judgement and people get pissed. They gossip and don't know when to shutup. They have fun with what they do. We have a right to our opinion just like the rest of the world.

Swingers are from the world of vanilla people and they act like it alot. Don't be scared have fun.

Remember when swinging was about having sex? -VegasLee

End of rant

[rpu3]

I think that people get confused about the definition of "open-minded". It means nothing more to me that being open to considering other ideas and viewpoints. It doesn't mean I necessarily accept a point of view, only that I'm willing to consider it before accepting or dismissing it.

When people come on this Board and decry our individual reactions as "I thought you were open-minded, but you said XYZ", I just get annoyed. It is open minded of me to read their viewpoint or opinion. However, being open-minded does not equate accepting their viewpoint or opinion as gospel. In fact, I think I'd be quite close-minded if I just blindly accepted a viewpoint or opinion.

I feel like people are behind a "you are supposed to be open-minded" argument because they have no logical argument to present as to WHY I am supposed to just accept said viewpoint or opinion. When I hear that comeback, I just think, "nope, you are actually being quite close-minded for not allowing me an opposing opinion or a preference or viewpoint."

I don't think swingers or other form of vanilla are more special, accepting, non-judgmental than anyone else. I've just found that I'll probably find a bit more acceptance in this group than straight vanilla groups. We all have our issues, hot buttons, trigger points, foibles, faulty thinking and whatnot. How we each get past it to have fun with our lives is the more interesting part and not really worth judging each other about.

Blah, blah, blah....

[SW_PA_Couple]

I agree what you have observed but have to add a few qualifications. The lifestyles people with whom we have developed close relationships do seem to be more open-minded. We have, however, on two different occasions of a first meeting been surprised with some rather impassioned political diatribes. A news report on a nearby television triggered an "anyone who doesn't support [insert name of famous politician] on this ought to be deported." We let the remark go without comment. They were uninteresting for other reasons so we did not invite a follow-up meeting. The other came right out of left field. The male half ended a rather lengthy lecture on the reasons that a particular ethnic group did actually score lower on IQ tests then started right in, without skipping a beat, on the particular defects of the religious convictions that JoAnn and I both hold. We could not hold back on this one. JoAnn calmly answered that we are both long-time, card-carrying members of this religious group. In order to make an excuse to leave the table, he pretended a heart-attack. It really was a show. Disturbing then, laughable now

Michael

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by rpu3

I think that people get confused about the definition of "open-minded". It means nothing more to me that being open to considering other ideas and viewpoints. It doesn't mean I necessarily accept a point of view, only that I'm willing to consider it before accepting or dismissing it.

I think there is a third option too. Being open-minded means a point of view, someone's actions, beliefs, etc. don't always have to be accepted or dismissed in a yes or no manner, one can be comfortable just not taking a position all. Judgemental types have a real problem with this. They feel the need to take a knee-jerk hard and fast stand on everything, anything less makes them feel uneasy for some reason. I think this is maybe what the generalization about swingers being open-minded is getting at, i.e. compared to the general population, a higher percentage don't feel as strong a need to always take a side, instead more live and let live, especially when it doesn't affect them directly.

Originally Posted by rpu3

When people come on this Board and decry our individual reactions as "I thought you were open-minded, but you said XYZ", I just get annoyed. ....

Very true. If you ask a question, but don't like the answer, that doesn't equal closed-mindedness from the respondent. It just means there is a difference of opinion, and after all, you asked the question to start with. Why ask it if you don't want to hear the answers?

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by rpu3

Blah, blah, blah....

That's the way I felt when I was trying to put it together

I personally like my little here and there on the Board. Give me a one-liner any day

Damn, I love being medicated

[JustAskJulie]

I like to believe that I am actually open-minded, but I don't believe that swingers in general (or any group in general) are open-minded just because they accept or do something outside of the norm.

For myself, typically I find it very easy to look at someone else's point of view and say "ok I can see how can feel that way" even if I don't agree with it, I can at least listen to their POV and consider it and put myself in their shoes to understand where they are coming from with it. To me being open-minded is being able to look at life from various perspectives and understand where other people are coming from.

There are a few exceptions some extreme cases of which we have seen find their way here (pedophiles/beastiality for example). Those are completely different situations where I just can't find a way to put myself in those people's shoes. So I guess there is a part of my mind that is closed.

[BiloxiCouple]

What triggered me into actually trying to do this post was another thread when someone said something to the effect,"You don't like what is being said and you are suppose to be open-minded?"

To rpu3 and any others concerned. My blah, blah, blah comment was not negatively directed at rpu3, it was directed at me and my state of mind of the original post and not feeling I was getting the info I wanted into the post. Thank rpu3 for putting so well what I was going through. I understand simple better

[sweet_tna]

I've also noticed that people who receive replies that disagree with them or that fail to condone a behavior they engage in/philosophy they ascribe to tend to fall back on the, "swingers should be open minded" complaint.

Because this is a forum for swingers, many of us have some of the same beliefs and personal preferences in common; and therefore find a bit more acceptance here than we're likely to find in the vanilla world.

But (for me) here's the thing. While swinging itself goes against the social norm, and many of us are open to new ideas, that does not mean we abandon all our own personal beliefs. We're still human--we still make judgements about what we believe is right or wrong, and we still have our personal preferences.

To each their own . . .

=)