Closet Swingers

[oddcouple]

We've been swinging for a little while, but it is with a select ring of couples that we were introduced to by close friends (who we first started swinging with). We keep our identity and lifestyle very, very quite (discreet, secretive, whatever). Not something you want the kids, family, business associates, clients, etc., finding out about. Is that normal? Or do people around you know your into the lifestyle? Or do you stay in the closet like we do? Our ring of
friends are like us, business owners and somewhat high profile in the community.
Just some thoughts....

Makes it very hard to expand out of our network, which is just getting too small.

[MRnMSbhaven]

There are a select few that we have been able to trust with our "I'd tell you but then have to kill you" secret. We are not at a point in our life where our lifestyle can become public knowledge and be safe (too many busy bodies with opinions and loose lips around here).

We aren't neccesarily worried for ourselves but knowledge could bring serious problems for others around us (namely our children) and that is never an option. We look forward to the day (in a few years) when we can live as openly as we would like.

We don't limit ourselves however. We attend parties, clubs, and meet ups. If we happen to run into others that we know on a vanilla basis (it has happed) we assume that we all would prefer to keep it as our little secret.

Ms. B

[incognito989]

Originally Posted by oddcouple

We've been swinging for a little while, but it is with a select ring of couples that we were introduced to by close friends (who we first started swinging with). We keep our identity and lifestyle very, very quite (discreet, secretive, whatever). Not something you want the kids, family, business associates, clients, etc., finding out about. Is that normal?

Oh absolutely. Swingers seem to use the term 'vanilla' to describe those that are not in the lifestyle. And I think there's varying amounts that people are 'in' the lifestlye as well.

Some treat it as a hobby, do it once a month or whatever, and that's it.

Others treat it as a full-blown lifestyle and live it (nearly) every day.

How much you want to immerse yourself in the 'non-vanilla' world varies greatly. Me? I treat it as a hobby of sorts - it doesn't define who I am, or what I do, and so I have almost a separate life away from my vanilla friends.

Originally Posted by oddcouple

Makes it very hard to expand out of our network, which is just getting too small.

Maybe you should try to expand your non-vanilla friend base? Place a discreet ad on swinglifestyle.com without showing your faces, if that's a concern. Go to local events, or if that makes you feel weird, go to some not so local events so you can be physically far from your hometown that others will recognize you.

The answer, for most, isn't to tell the vanilla friends what they're up to, I don't think, although there will be some people that do that. It's to expand the non-vanilla parts till you're happy with the group that you're with.

[good times]

Among our vanilla friends we are pretty much in the closet. Although, most of our vanilla friends suspect we are a bit different, they don't ask, because I suspect they don't really want to know.

Among the local swinging community, we are very well known. Mostly because we are regular attendees of the local swingers clubs, and have been for many years.

We have been to a great club in Nashville (Menages), and I know of a few with good reputations in other cities in Tennessee, so I would suggest giving them a try, if you haven't already, to expand your circle of swinging friends.

[Tia Vampire]

Swinging is also a hobby for us. Our closest vanilla friends know that we are swingers and are alright with it. So far we have not heard any rediculous rumors. My mother know that we are swingers. She thinks I have lost my mind. As for the rest of the world, such as work, and friends of friend's, we try to stay pretty low key.

[fun4Ds]

we hide our lifestyle from vanilla friends/people, pretty well.

come to think of it hummm, our vanilla friends have kind of been disappearing. i wonder why we don't hang out with them as much?

oh,i know. its because our swinger friends are way, more COOL .

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

we hide our lifestyle from vanilla friends/people, pretty well.

come to think of it hummm, our vanilla friends have kind of been disappearing. i wonder why we don't hang out with them as much?

oh,i know. its because our swinger friends are way, more COOL .

It's probably because you have to censor what you say if your vanilla friends don't know about your extra-curricular activities. There are jokes you can't say, stories you can't tell, flirting you can't do....

To answer the OP's question, while I wouldn't say we were out, we're not necessarily in the closet. We are fairly known in local swinger circles, but it's not like I go into work and talk about the house party we had over the weekend.

Just stick with people that have as much to lose as you do if pictures or whathaveyou should get in the wrong hands, and you should be fine.

Pepper

[sexcupid]

We don't broadcast our activities to all and sundry...but a few 'nilla folks know. No biggie.

My mother probably suspects...but she's been in need of a 'rock my world' kind of fuck for a few years now and would probably want to tag along to the club. lol

Maria

[Miss_Piggy]

I think we were more open about things in the beginning. We told a number of close friends and people seemed relatively ok about it. But I think that the fact that we were so honest and easy going about the subject lead people to believe that we didn't care who knew. We went though multiple rounds of gossip that was at times quite hurtful. A number of friends have fallen away in the process. More recently we have been doing a lot of traveling and moving from city to city. The result has been that we don't really have as many close friends as we used to. I also think it's actually easier on our new friendships with us not telling.

[ncmd_couple]

Well, that kind of depends...

Both of us live quite a distance from work. So, we really have two lives, our work life, and our personal life. We haven't kept things secret in our personal life. Very secret in our work life. Yes, my mother knows, and she has no problem with it. My Dad is jealous!!

S

[cplnuswing]

Very much in the closet for all the usual reasons. In fact, we seem to have to turn away 1 out of every 3 contacts because they are too close to home for our comfort. Very much small town rural South where we live, so for most, gossip is not just a hobby, it is a way of life.

Being in the closet is ok, we kind of like the "if they only knew" aspect of it being that way But, sometimes the temptation is there when vanilla friends ask "what did y'all do this weekend?" The Mrs has a friend who knows we are up to something, just not sure what, and is starting to ask a few sly questions, so we may not be quite as good at covering our tracks as we think. Of all our vanilla friends, we have voted her "most likely to be a swinger" and she would be all ears to hear about it, and would love the clubs, but she also can't keep a secret, so not going to happen.

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by oddcouple

Or do people around you know your into the lifestyle? Or do you stay in the closet like we do? Our ring of
friends are like us, business owners and somewhat high profile in the community.
Just some thoughts....

Makes it very hard to expand out of our network, which is just getting too small.

We are not in the closet, ask anyone around here that knows us.

If you are worried about someone knowing about you they already do to a point, your ring of friends. The bad part is once in a while one of them blabs. Since you are truly worried about being found out, I would suggest going to another town (club/social) and maybe using fake names (incognito). It's been done. This will expand your circle. If you use a swingers personals, be discrete with your pictures and maybe use an adjoining town as your hometown.

Unless you are a politician or religious icon, I have figured out most people don't actually care and may be somewhat interested. The only other people that are really worried about it is you.

[BruceAnn]

We are closet swingers. No one knows, friends, family etc and we want to keep it that way.

There is an exception now, a couple we are friends with but they are from out of town.

We only swing occationnally though, havent for a while.

[fun4Ds]

oh my gawd

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

oh my gawd

No kidding...she is a total perv...but lacking in opportunities. God knows I have heard about her last marriage and that she could count on one hand the number of times they had sex (yipes! TMI mom, TMI...lol)...and that's been over for a few years and I know she would have told me if she actually had had sex. Yeah, sometimes she overshares....guess she figures now that I'm a 'grown up' I can handle it?

Maybe for next Christmas/birthday we should pitch in and get her a Sybian. rotflmao Ok, that was pretty bad. Sorry.

Maria