Drama - What does it mean to you?

[des1re06]

So, there's been alot of discussion lately about "drama." I'm thinking there are alot of people causing the drama and they don't realize it.

For instance, our good friends were at the club this summer and told us they had invited a "new" couple. So, I french kissed her (as usual) and told her to have fun! The other couple saw the kissing, and got jealous. We weren't planning to do anything with our friends or intrude in any way. We were simply showing affection when leaving, just like we would any night. We really wished them a good time with their new guests. Well, the new guests continued to get angry the rest of the night because this couple is very popular, and lots of people were coming over and kissing them. Hee, hee, hee, so the newbies showed their ass and stormed off. The husband wrote them an email informing them that he didn't think they were ready for the LS.

Another couple we know were cursed out by a couple that we also know (both of us attended their house parties) because they weren't spending enough time with them. They went out with other couples. Oh the horror!!!

You see, I don't think either of these couples realize they were causing "drama." They were just being possessive of "their" playmates.

We tend to avoid possessive people like the plague, and will tell you if you meet us that we are not monogamous to you and we won't be contacting you on a regular basis. The occasional email, "hey how ya doing, wanna play this weekend" is different.

So, what is "drama" to you? Maybe those who are causing it can learn before they cause it again.

Mrs. D

[JW n Laci]

You see, I don't think either of these couples realize they were causing "drama." They were just being possessive of "their" playmates.

They were both possessive and dramatic, they could have been possessive without the drama. That's my opinion anyway.
Both possessiveness and drama are wrong but they're also separate from each other.
I also thnk that people who act this way know they are being dramatic, they just feel they have the right (for lack of a better word) to act that way at that time.

I avoid those type of people.

[des1re06]

True, I'm looking for more examples of "drama" so those who cause it can learn from it.

Mrs. D

[good times]

You covered the biggie for us, we know a lot of people, so when we go to the club we have the same thing happen that your friends did, and we have had this happen several times with new couples. Twice I have even had a woman break out in tears because, "I wasn't paying enough attention to her" too much drama.

The other biggie for us that is too much drama is when we go to play with a couple and they both aren't on the same page, rules wise, and one or both end up getting pissed off by something that the other one does, spoiling the fun. In the bedroom playing with another couple is not the time to be working out your limits.

[WesternSwing]

Again, I think jealousy is the big drama situation, especially with some newbie couples or those using swinging to "fix" a broken or dying relationship and all it does is cause more problems between them and they drag others into their unwittingly.

The other is couples that are not on the same page, or have to many rules. Somehow, someway, during the evening someone is going to get their feel-bad's hurt when the other breaks a rule or steps over the boundaries, especially when the other couple isn't clued-in on them.

Then the next thing you know, the husband is laying on a lawn a few houses down throwing a tantrum like a 5-year old. True story.

Mr. WS

[Darkblue]

We dont like the drama and sofar its happended to us for a few times and we dont like it, heres one of our tales..
We know a Brit couple (very nice they are) they are an experienced swinger couple and we had some fun with them at a club afterwards we were sat at the bar having a drink ect, when Susanne(my Wife) say some friends and she went to say hello and after a few minutes i said i would be back in a minute or two as i wanted to say hello as well, well after about ten minutes i returned and he was chatting up the bar maid which was ok with us and i said "aha i see your chatting up the barmaid!! cant say i blame you she is cute" to which he replied well Susanne isnt taking much notice so i might as well. it tuns out they wanted our full attention and was pissed off because they wont get that as we know far too many at the club we go to and we do not think that anyone has exclusive rights over us or over what we do., so now the wife has decided fine if thats the way they want it, she will now not play with then.i do agree with her and this kind of drama we dont need.
Same as being asked if i had fallen in love with another guys wife because we were flirting over MSN such drama is only caused by newbies or those who have their own issues..but thats another tale..

Steve

[Pepper & Drew]

Drama comes in many forms. We were on vacation and met a couple that we thought was great. On the second night, during some playing, she apparently felt that her hubby was paying too much attention to another woman. That led to a big finger-pointing, lawyer-calling, scene-causing fight between the two of them. We later found out that they were on the verge of divorce and that they started swinging to "fix" their relationship. Gee, thanks.

Pretty much, if there are tears, finger pointing, or someone has to be carried out not of their own power, that spells drama for us.

Pepper

[ShellyM]

Yes its unfortunate but the vast majority of couples we have met are pains in the asses lol. I don't know why, but its true. We have attempted to be more pro-active in both our profile and how we talk with people. We do not have the "no drama" clause in our profile, but it is absolutely succinct and clear that we will not put up with couples that do not know why they are here or do not know if they want to be here. I simply do not have the patience for it. When I think of drama and possessiveness I agree that they are 2 separate issues. Drama are issues that the couple has within themselves. Jealousy, feeling threatened, body image issues, etc. all fall in that category. Possessiveness is when you find a great couple. No issues, no drama, both attractive, you click. To me its only natural that you want to cleave onto that couple (because the pickings are so slim usually LOL). I do not think people do this maliciously but because they truly have fun with you and don't want to share lol.

[Tia Vampire]

We heard about this couple in a group that we were in that like to try to break up couples just to say they caused it and then blame it on the couple. After a few parties, we seen this to be true and we quit that group. So for us drama is, of course jealousy, possession, and those that just like to show their ass in a crowd. You get that alot with people that like to be watched. We avoid them big time too. They seem to be the problems at other parties that we have gone to. Instead of explaining that they like to be watch and not touched or hit on, they always show their ass.

[DBL D]

Hi Des1re06,

Well, we know what drama is and I must say that we probably have caused our fair share of it too. Always a little embarrassed when that realization strikes home.

So, having been on that side of it, I would say that there is a time when you might want to pull the other couple aside, together or separately, and let them know how things work. If they are a nice couple and look like they are just going through growing pains, I would give them a break. If they are a couple using swinging to repair their marriage, it is a no go. Just like any of ones rules, you can't really argue with them about it, but you can try to direct them so they know that what they are doing isn't what most are looking for in a couple.

Play time should be fun. Go to a horror movie if you want drama.

Male D

[ShellyM]

Well in fairness, a certain amount of "drama" is to be expected from a new couple. For instance, if Jay and I know we are going to be a couple's first play couple we go in expecting not to swap. Things are moved at a much slower pace and pretty at their comfort levels. However! When I get annoyed is when a couple professes not to have drama, or that they are experienced. Then your panties are at your ankles and all hell breaks loose. I do agree with D...but from our experience people get embarassed and defensive when you talk to them about their drama. So usually we will stop all play and go from there.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Hi Des1re06,

Well, we know what drama is and I must say that we probably have caused our fair share of it too. Always a little embarrassed when that realization strikes home.

We humbly admit that we too might have been the source of "drama" from time to time. Not for the reasons described in these recent responses but maybe others. Sometimes we don't even know what we've done wrong. But we have also learned to shrug it off. We always strive to be sensitive to people's feelings but we work under the belief that we're all adults and this is not a high-school dance.

Example of drama enacted in our presence -- woman breaks into tears, pleads with her husband, "I can't do this. I'm sorry, I just can't do this."

Example of drama we've precipitated -- We meet a couple on a Friday evening. On Saturday morning their on-line profile has been changed to read, "We quit." Don't think we will even know what happened.

[pervgeeks]

Our ideas of drama:

1. Possessiveness. Please. I have my husband and he has me. We are the ones in love and in a relationship. We owe playmates respect and honesty, not some sort of exclusivity.

2. Breaking our boundaries. My husband is strait and although not homophobic, he's not into sex with men. He has no curiousity either and we are clear about it, but he has been hit on by more than one "strait" guy. Not into pain, pushiness, unsafe sex either.

3. People who don't communicate together.

4. People who lie, are posers, or just generally phoney about their preferences or are just general fakers all together.

[Vjklander]

And they wonder why I'm the strong silent type.

[des1re06]

try to break up couples just to say they caused it and then blame it on the couple.

This is just plain wrong! Somebody is going to end up hurting these two, and they're going to deserve it.

the vast majority of couples we have met are pains in the asses lol

Awww, that's too bad. Didn't you say you're moving out of that area soon? Hopefully, your new area will have some fun couples.


Mrs. D