When was the turning point?

[elfman36]

I'm curious to ask those who may have went through this...

Usually it's the wife or female half that is the determining factor on when to begin this lifestyle.
What was the point that made her/you say "Okay! Let's do it, I'm excited, etc;?"
I'm curious as to when the actual moment caused the woman to "Cross Over to the Other Side" so to speak.

Thanks,

Elf

[sweet_tna]

Excellent question, Elf. For me, the groundwork was laid when our friends told us they'd started swinging. I'd never even considered it before, but that got me to really thinking a LOT about it. The actual turning point came a month or so later after a night of cards and a naughty board game with the same friends. We didn't play with them then, but I made up my mind to give the swinging thing a try--whether we played with our friends or not.

My honey, of course, was all for it.

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[willyoats]

We grew up and married at a time when it was still not well accepted to sleep around. When I closed in on 50 years old, I began to rue the fact that I had been intimate with only one woman (notwithstanding the fact that she is really a terrific sex partner).

I shared the feeling that I did not want to go to my grave having had only one woman. My wife, being the woman that she is, understood this and was supportive of the idea of swinging (instead of an affair, which is much more difficult). So, I investigated and found (the now defunct) Club Sensitity in Florida, which held regular introductory sessions for newbies so that they could decide whether the lifestyle was right for them.

When she agreed to go with me to and found that I enjoyed it so much, that was the tipping point. We were hooked and had wonderful experiences with great people for many years.

[Hagar]

We had talked about swinging and a friend/co-worker mentioned it to me after the two couples had been out. I had noticed that his wife had danced really close.
Both wives rejected the idea when we approached them seriously. They came over for dinner and some margaritas. We put on an Adult movie and I noticed his wife was getting really excited. My wife got up, took his hand and led him upstairs to the bed room. His wife and I immediately got undressed and she proceeded to give me a fantastic blow job. After a few minutes she climbed onto my cock on the sofa. Her wet pussy was fantastic. I spread her legs and performed oral sex until she had her first orgasm. I then slid my hard cock into her and fucked until both of us were sated. We looked up and her husband was standing the door watching. That was the beginning of our swinging and a great friendship. I believe my wife turned the tide.

Mr and Mrs hagar

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by elfman36

I'm curious to ask those who may have went through this...

Usually it's the wife or female half that is the determining factor on when to begin this lifestyle.
What was the point that made her/you say "Okay! Let's do it, I'm excited, etc;?"
I'm curious as to when the actual moment caused the woman to "Cross Over to the Other Side" so to speak.

Thanks,

Elf

Well in truth, it was I that introduced the idea. We took everything very slowly.

[elfman36]

[b]Thanks for the stories so far.
I'm really wondering about the psychological aspect of it in regards to the actual tipping point that made the ladies out there think to themselves that this might be fun, it's an actual safe activity that I don't have to be jealous or worry about things.
As I said, usually it's the wife that needs to work through the emotions of "Aren't I good enough?", "What if he leaves me?", "This is too immoral and I just can't have 'indiscriminate' sex..." - You all know the various reasons that need to be thought out before the lifestyle is embraced.
That's what I'm curious too...
Usually, once the woman tries it and realizes that all her previous fears were pretty much unfounded and then sees that she's actually the one in control, they actually are the ones that are liberated to the point of not believing this could be so much fun! (Am I making any sense?)
So that's kind of where I headed; What was that mental tipping point that made you decide to 'go for it'? What caused you to say to yourself: "I can do this at least once!"

Thanks,

Elf

[sweet_tna]

The following is copied from my reply to another similar post in the Introductions forum:

I totally understand having some inhibitions. Would anyone find me attractive (especially with the "extra padding")? I've only been with one other man besides my hubby--am I really any good in bed? What if Mr. Sweet finds someone better looking/better in bed than me? Those were my concerns.

So Mr. Sweet and I talked about it. And talked about it. And talked some more. Then we went to our first M&G, at the invitation of our friends (the ones who told us about the lifestyle). It was quite an experience, and before we knew it, we were playing with our friends.

Like the other posters said, you never know how you'll react until something happens. But I can tell you from my experience (which is VERY recent) that if swinging is for you, those inhibitions will hit the floor, right next to your panties.

[ownerspet]

Take it from someone not heavily experienced, and a very sexually geared guy (so you may want to discount my response, as women and men have minds that work totally different in many cases). I thought about it, we went to a few socials, vist a club regularly now, and have local freinds.

Before we went, I didn't know what to expect in the mix of people. So I sort of thought that we were going to either be running into people that their life just revolved around sex, maybe unattractive people, maybe cheating spouses, (my mind speculated on every possibility that just isn't true for the majority). Yes you will run into a few of these at times as I've seen, but for the most part they are normal. After we went, I saw that there are normal people out there doing this from every walk of life/background and that there is a mix of people of all ages and attractiveness levels that was set aside in my mind (just like a vannilla club).

Then, just because a person starts with one objection, doesn't mean later they can't have another objection that they didn't think of originally. So the next thing in my mind was probably the whole, if we get into something that sounds good upfront only to find out that one of us is uncomfortable. The question is "How does the uncomfortable partner tell the comfortable (enjoying himself or herself partner) that this is not working for them without tearing the relationship apart. Keep in mind there was no pressure involved in this time period of this 18 months, and I met many open minded people that were nice as could be. It may be a slow process for someone making a decision to go outside of what has been presented to them as acceptable quote/unquote normal behaviors. So answer all questions, enfact encourage questions!!! Moving on.

With me the let's move forward moment probably came when my wife indicated to me that whatever we're (meaning me and her, not just one or the other) not comfortable with we wouldn't do it because it's about what we want. So that made me realize that we have a solid relationship, and it's not about what she wants, it's not about what I want. It is about what we want.

It sounded selfish (the attitude of it's what we want) saying that, but swingers in alot of cases are married, and just because they are swingers doesn't mean they are just free for all sex addicts or even want to watch their mates with just anyone. So it was put out there: If we or BOTH of us weren't comfortable with something we wouldn't be engaging in what ever the "something".

Thats probably the deal maker for me. But just because I think it's ok now, doesn't mean I won't have concerns down the road, but they don't have to be the deal breaker for swinging. Our marriage comes first, and communication is key to ANY relationship wether you and your partner choose to bring other in or not.

Thats my piece....Now go forward cautiously as you do not want to tear anything apart just because you are considering the lifestyle.

[pervgeeks]

For us, it was my idea (I'm the wife). He's just enjoying himself a hell of a lot being married to me.

Truth is, I have no idea how to talk someone into something. Reassure them that you love them, this is something fun to share together, but if they're not on board even a little bit (Mr Pervgeek knew from our first date I was bi and had no intention of giving up that part of me), I wouldn't know what to do.

Good luck to you.

[WesternSwing]

What made Mrs. WS want to really pursue swinging was the first time she kisses a girl. We were at a party, not technically a swinger party, kind of a mixed crowd, and this attractive woman came out of nowhere and asked if she could kiss Mrs. WS. From that moment on Mrs. WS had to explore her bi-side. We ended-up hooking-up with this couple for our first full swap weeks later and we are still friends with them to this day.

There definitely wasn't ever any convincing having to be done on my part. We'd always talked about the "what ifs", we had just never actively pursued it. When the moment was right though, and it presented itself, we were ready to go for it.

Mr. WS

[Drusilla]

So guess I'm the freak wife who is trying to convince a relunctant/not real open to it hubby... *sigh*

Oh what I wouldn't give to have him trying to convince me....LOL

[NandT]

Well there was no real "turning point" except for the time the two of us went to visit a friend about 2 hours awaywhose girlfriend had just dumped him. We went out to a bar, dancing and drinking; the other guy & I drank quite a bit; my wife only occassionaly drinks, plus she was driving. When back at his house he wanted us to go in his hot tub, so the three of us did. He & I were naked but my wife was wearing her bathing suit. (Come to think of it, why did she bring her bathing suit???) I told her to take it off, then I just took it off myself. The next thing we know us two guys are all over her and both of us went down on her, she did me and gave him a hand job.
Later I asked her if she was ok with everything, and she said, "I wouldn't have done anything I really didn't want to do!" None of this was planned (Still that bathing suit thing.....!!!) so that made it more OK for her; she prefers spontaneity rather than planned.
Since then we've done soft-swinging with him again, and with a few couples; once with him and his new girlfrend!)
So I would have to say that the turning point was this first time that it "just happened!"

[ncmd_couple]

When was the turning point?

I worked with a woman for almost 12 years. I was very attracted to her and we actually did kiss a few times but she had a partner and is still living with her. I was always curious about them. I started having sex at a relatively young age and had some very good teachers. I always had willing partners, some married, some not.

When I met Mr_ncmd_couple he was very open about his sexual desires and we talked a number of times about going to a club. But we never did any more than fill out an application.

He had a woman whom he dated for a while who now works for him who was Bi. As I was Bi-curious, he arraigned to have us meet for a FMF session.

This was my first one. I was very nervous. I had great orgasms but couldn't bring myself to go down on her. We did have a good time. She spent the night. In the morning he left and took her to her car and I just lost it. I figured they were discussing the night before and possibly planning other 'events.' I confronted him and her and asked that they not do anything without my knowledge. At least that's how I remembered it. I was jealous.

He never really mentioned it again. Neither did I.

Around September last year we had another falling out you might say. I had a friend who lived in TX. Her family is here and she decided to leave her husband because of problems they were having and she wanted to move home. Mr_ncmd_couple suggested we fly to TX and drive her and her belongings back here. She could live with us until she found a job and a place of her own.

She was here almost a year. One evening when Mr_ncmd_couple had a few beers he wanted to go into her bedroom and ask her to sleep with us. I was pretty pissed.

She had been with a few of my ex-boyfriends in the past and this made me very unhappy. It was time for her to go.

She eventually moved, but only next door.

I was away on a trip to visit my daughter and Mr_ncmd_couple took her out on the bike. I didn't know anything about it until she mentioned it to me herself in an e-mail while I was still away. She seemed to be gloating over it and made sure I knew he spent the day with her.

My jealously stepped in once again and when I got home he knew I was pissed. I never did give him a chance to explain. I didn't want to hear it.

Sometime after that he started becoming distant. He was always an online guy and had many women friends he talked to but I sensed something else. I asked him a number of times who he was talking to and he always said no one or he'd close the chat window when I came into the room.

Needless to say I was very unhappy. Tried talking to him to no avail.

Than he got a job offer out of state and accepted it without even talking to me. We'd been living together almost 5 years at that time. I was very hurt. It was a good opportunity for him and I knew that but also believed partners discuss things that effect each other before making decisions like that.

Mr_ncmd_couple's Mother lives in NY and he always liked to go up there for some alone time. There is a pond and 13 acres. This one weekend in particular in February he decided he was going to visit. Not only was he going to visit but he was getting a hotel room. Very unusual. I asked him why he didn't invite me to go along and he said he needed some alone time. He also left a day earlier than usual.

He took another woman to NY. He met her online, he had actually joined a dating site. All of this without my knowledge. She lives in AZ and she flew out here. He took her to his favorite strip club and they spent the night here in MD than they drove to NY together.

He came home on Sunday. We went out for dinner and I never mentioned to him that I knew he was with someone else. Just a feeling I had which turned out to be true.

I confronted him via online chat on Monday morning. He kept denying it but finally gave in and admitted it as well as their possible plans for her to move to TN and work for him.

When I asked him why he did all this behind my back and never tried to talk to me about his desires, he said he didn't think I was interested.

He was so wrong, and admitted so. We spent the next few days doing some intense talking. We decided that it was time to have our first Club experience. We both enjoyed it immensely.

The job for TN hasn't come through yet. He still speaks to the woman from AZ (I flew out there and met her and had sex with her. We wanted to see if the 3 of us were actually going to be able to get along.)

I think Mr_ncmd_couple and my relationship is much stronger. We are much more open with each other than we have ever been. We have been going to the clubs only since April but we both are happy. We have had a few bumps in the road but we are still pretty new at this and still learning.

He loves this woman in AZ, not the same kind of love he has for me, but love just the same.

Us having recreational sex is really fun. I'm not comfortable with the fact that he does want to see her again. It's my belief that making love with someone you love is very different than swinging.

Keep the lines of communication open always.

Hopefully for us it's "No more drama."

[socolais]

Our turning point is still fresh in my memory.

I was the one to mention the possibility of swinging to my wife. I had been searching for something sexually adventurous for us for several years. I stumbled upon swinging and it took quite a while for me to wrap my mind around how recreational sex with others could be fun and not interfere with the relationship we've nurtured for the past 30 years. Sometimes when I get an idea, I get a little compulsive about it. I was excited about the possibility of "kicking our sex up a notch" and sharing an adventure with her while at the same time I was unsure how swinging would change us. I became convinced that swinging would be a good thing for us, she was still reluctant.

We made an online profile and emailed with several couples then I learned about a house party that was described as "beginner friendly". We went to the party just to observe and perhaps play only with each other. The sexual atmosphere was exciting and the casual acceptance of fun sex was interesting for us. It really struck us as remarkable that most of the folks at the party appeared "normal" or at least pretty close. We got into the hot tub and watched a couple playing right there in the water. We also watched through the doorway for several minutes while another couple squeaked the bed springs on an old Army cot.

In the following weeks, we met with several couples from the party and talked about how they got started and why. When we were saying our good-by, there was always a little kissing. Each meeting got us closer to accepting this activity for ourselves but the real turning point was when one of the ladies kissed me more passionately than I was expecting. It was then that I fully understood I can easily separate sex from love. I was sexually excited by the kiss and the implied invitation in her eyes. The energy that I felt made me want my wife more than usual. After my wife and I shared that energetic lovemaking, she wanted to get some of that fresh energy for herself.

The next month at the same house party, we had our first swinging experience. I got with the good kisser and my wife got with a couple for a threesome. We nearly killed each other with vigorous lovemaking after that - and the feeling is still going strong.....

[prettylady]

Finding the right couple was my turning point.
I was all for the idea, I was just having a hard time getting to "the moment of truth".
I went to a meet up and met a whole lot of fantastic people, I enjoyed their company and saw how much they all adored their spouse. I was overwhelming to see, wonderful as well it was a kind of love and devotion that I had seen in only one other couple, that being my parents....I wonder.
Anyway shortly after the meet up I thought I was ready, we had an encounter that left me feeling uncomfortable with what just happened, it took along time before I would talk about swinging again. Then we met the perfect couple, they were experienced and more importantly they were understanding. We went slow, he was a perfect gentleman towards me and she was a doll at making sure she was not moving to fast with my man, although she made it VERY clear she was ready for phase two and when phase two came I was nervous but I felt safe.
Dog was there right beside me looking at me with so much love(and lust) in his eyes. Then the couple all smiles, some jokes, and alot of comforting comments.
I can't tell you what it was exacly that triggered the "turning point" all I know is when Mister laid me back and started to kiss me I felt safe and really f**king horney.
I am not a swinger in a huge capacity. I have some close friends who we play with, but picking up at clubs and one nighters are still a little beyound my comfort zone.
I say introduce her to the lifestyle, give her a couple of chances to get use to the atomosphere. Let me tell you the first time I went to a club I spent most my time with my eyes on the ground, the second time with my face squarly planted in Dog chest, the third time Dancing up a storm, the forth time up stairs having one hell of a good time.
Dabble and talk. Let her get comfortable, flirt, tease, have some sexy dances, then if she needs to, pull back and do it again another night.
If she wants to do this she will come around quicker then you think, then it maybe you suddenly stubbling. That is what happened to Dog, he planted the seed, I found my way here asked questions then told Dog "lets do this". Then he started to falter a little.
This is a great place to start, great people and great advice.
Good luck my friend,
Your friend,
Prettylady
A little smily happy today, but I am feeling much better after a bout with Pneumonia(sp?) So I guess it is ok.