I Just Can't Do This Anymore

[incognito]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Some of this just sounds like bad luck too.

I've only been with one non-orgasmic woman so to speak in all our swinging, and that one had 'mistake' written all over it.

How does that song go--"If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all" LOL. So far, every woman we've been with has explicitly told us before things got going that they're orgasmically challenged. I wonder how much of that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Oh boy, I think I'm going to get hammered for that one...but in fairness, that one did come from the wife.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by incognito

Shelly,
I do appreciate your input and know that you're not trying to be discouraging. I judge how good sex is by the degree to which the woman is enjoying herself. If she's not obviously really getting off, it's just not good for me, and I don't feel it's fair to her to be in such a situation. Maybe that's the wrong way to look at it, but that's the way I see things. If the female half of us is up for it, I think we'll try some MFM. Thanks again for all the input.

First off... Let me say that, My friend, we have ALL been there.. I have read each of the posts here, and need to point out one thing..

All too often, I , like you, need to see, feel, hear that the other woman is enjoying herself. For me, and as it sounds, you, knowing that the other person is enjoying what you are doing is an essential part of enjoying everything over all.

HOWEVER, you will run across other women who run the full range of excitement.. From those that as it sounds, like your wife, who maybe vocal, or respond quickly and physically.. to those who will basically seem like part of the floor or mattress.. Which leads to a major complex being built in YOUR HEAD

But that doesnt mean that they arent enjoying each and every movement, technique, lick or stroke.. It just means that they arent vocal, or giving off the same cues..

Cases in point, Two seperate women, from two seperate couples we had fun times with.. The first, a 26 yr old woman at the time, with asthuma.. Whos only response to each and every act, from a 20 minute toungue lashing that most women I have been with have been know to shake scream and beg for me to stop and fuck them.. was to breathe heavy.. to the point I stopped and asked if she needed her inhaler.. between the lack of obvious response and the heavy breathing.. forget having wood.. Christ I was worried we would have to call and ambulance!

The second, an older woman, 46, Who when i applied my a game, gave off a few moans, but shook like crazy.. with each lick.. then when it came to actually fucking, was again quiet, but was obviosly cumming, and passed out.. and here is the key part.. Made only quiet sounds, and when climax hit.. BOOM BOOM out goes the lights..

In either case, the women were quiet, and only after we were done.. in the latter case right after.. but still after we were done was I sure that they enjoyed what we did..

So here is the point, What you decide to do, is entirely up to both you and your wife, BUT, there is no need for you to obsess about this.. You may have fallen into a string of women that for one reason or another are the way they are.

Remember, while some women can ALLOW themselves to enjoy SEX and really get off on it, others come with thier own baggage..

From the "doing it for him"
to the "Good Girl Syndrome"

and any other range of things that HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU..

If this sounds like I am saying to you.. Its thier problem.. GOOD

Shit like this can send you to therapy when there is nothing wrong with you, but them.. The only problem I see is, you like me, taking thier lack of responce and losing your erection.. WHICH IS NORMAL.. However, step back and ask yourself two questions.. the first.. Is this woman getting jealous over the fact that thier MAN is obviouly being thoroughly enjoyed by your wife.. Hence thier distraction.. Which means you could be a SUPERMAN.. And still get nada..

OR..

And this is the bitch part of this question, are they "in the room" Are they playing or being played with.. are they doing EVERYTHING they can to excite stimulate and turn you ON?

Some women expect to be "taken" and litteraly again, become part of the mattress..

I am sure if you think bck to the encounters you have had thus far, the answers are there.. Sometimes, its not you, but the other person who has the ISSUE ..

[NumbskullsX2]

It sounds to me like you're already doing MFM, the other male's wife just happens to be there.

If you start doing only MFM, you'll just be avoiding the problem. And you'll miss out on half the fun you can have as a couple. "Half" of a swinging experience is enough for some coples but not for others, so maybe you need to to decide which kind of couple you are before you can decide what's right for you.

It sounds like you want to be involved in a positive way with the other woman. If I were you, I'd probably work on it some more.

[NumbskullsX2]

Oh, one more thing. You said

Originally Posted by incognito

Going from being with a woman who is easy to please to women who are essentially--from the male's standpoint--unpleasable is brutal.

Sometimes, when I'm a little slow to get started, a guy will start doing more, faster or whatever. That's not always the right thing to do! Sometimes it's better to slow down, or stop completely, for a little while. It's OK to take a break and relax for a bit and come back to it when our heads are in the right place.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by incognito

This strikes me as an odd thing to say. So is it an ego blow to know that pretty much any pussy/mouth can get your man hard...no matter the skill level (or lack thereof)? Maybe this isn't the case with your man, but I believe it to be the case with the vast majority of men. Sorry, not trying to be combative, just adding a little perspective.

No, what I mean if you have one of these overly responsive women, it doesn't take much to get them going....for most men, if this is how their wife is, when they are confronted with a partner that isn't as responsive, some take it as an ego blow. Ie: you think you aren't doing something right b/c they aren't rocketing off in 2 mintues....

However I think from reading some of the other posts in this thread you may be better suited to MFM play or you may want to consider separate room play if you play with couples.

Also, I agree with your wife as far as the self-fullfilling prophecy....anyone can get themselves in a mind set to not do something and then it doesn't happen. I do normally tell play partners that I may not orgasm, just so they know going in. I do enjoy what's going on, and I am some what vocal (maybe not screaming the rafters off...but at least some moans, sighs, leaning into a touch, etc)...but there are plenty out there that don't make noise (and that goes for men or women, I've come across a few silent guys and have been left wondering the same thing...but they assure me that they had a good time).

Maria

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by incognito

How does that song go--"If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all" LOL. So far, every woman we've been with has explicitly told us before things got going that they're orgasmically challenged. I wonder how much of that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Oh boy, I think I'm going to get hammered for that one...but in fairness, that one did come from the wife.

Now, I think that some people see the orgasm as the perverbial finish line. I do not. Alot of women will not orgasm when they are nervous, and most are nervous the first time they have sex with a new man. As for me, Diva is picky. However, I do not see it as if I don't have 5 orgasms he didn't do his "job". Then again, Jay and I are into eroticism and the entire enchilada vs. we had an orgasm. Lets face it, if all I'm in it for is the O I can give myself an AMAZING orgasm and still have time for dinner and a movie lol. I look at the entire time........I would rather be around an erotic, sensual man that took time turning me on and have 1 orgasm than one who pounded the shit out of me and I ended up having 2. Just my opinion.

[lizandtom]

...male 1/2 responding here. I first ask to OP are you meeting couples one by one through a site or at a swing club? Huge difference there; picking couples one by one, i.e. "lets meet over drinks and take it from there," many times excludes ALL the body language beforehand that might be a deciding factor for you of whether a match is there, while sizing potential play partners up at a lifestyle club cuts to the chase of who you might find reciprocally appealing; eye contact, a smile, going to say hi, a dance, a grope, a lot of grope, let's go to the bar and have a drink, wanna go play?

The point is, and I have dealt with this exact issue, you'll get brick hard if you have chemistry with another woman; condoms have little to do with it if you're hitting it off and the chemistry is there.

My wife can multi-orgasm very easily with almost any woman or man if she finds them the least bit appealing, yet if I don't sense the other woman is into me, no boner. The lesson learned very early on is (other than, yes it's ok to think with your Johnson in this case) IF YOU DON'T THINK THE OTHER WOMAN DOES IT FOR YOU AND VICE VERSA, DON'T ATTEMPT IT! WAIT FOR YOUR PITCH; it's quality over "eh, what the hell, we're here already;" moreso to save embarassing the other woman that she isn't doing it for you! Agreeing with many posters above, don't throw in the towel, just chill out and go with the flow, and if it's not working out, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE, she just wasn't right for you. NEXT. Nowadays if we're not meeting up with swing friends but we go to a club, because I'm the harder one to please my wife just asks, "which one on the dance floor do you want?" and that approach has resulted in many many successful times with very fine women for me, and men for her.

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by lizandtom

The point is, and I have dealt with this exact issue, you'll get brick hard if you have chemistry with another woman; condoms have little to do with it if you're hitting it off and the chemistry is there.

This is a really important point.