How good is sex with a first-time swing partner?

[Geoduck]

Hi,

We're a middle-aged couple seriously thinking about exploring swinging in various forms--MFM, MFMF, and FMF. We've lurked here for almost a year, and have learned a lot from many of the great threads, not to mention the fact that we've enjoyed some of the stories, which we've read to each other in bed as a prelude to hot sex.

The recent post by Spoomonkey, "Meaningful," brought a question to my mind. (I'm the man in the couple.)

It's been my experience that sex with a brand-new partner isn't as satisfying as sex with the same person a little later, after the newness has passed, whether that takes a night or a week, or more. In other words, once a couple having sex gets to know each other's physical likes, it's easier for that couple to be mutually good, maybe even great, lovers.

I've read many accounts of swingers who've had great fun and great sex with new swing partners. Is this because it's just non-committal, just-for-fun sex?

Or if you get to have swinger sex with the same couple several times, does the sex get better, as I'm used to with almost all on my one-on-one partners?

Am I missing something? My long-time gf feels the same way, BTW--sex is better with a lover after the first night.

Thanks,
Geo

[sweet_tna]

That's an excellent question, Geoduck. My hubby and I are very new to the lifestyle, and I have to say that I agree with you. Our second time with a couple (who was more experienced) was much better. We were all nervous the first time around, but once the nerves were gone and we knew what the other liked . . . facelick

"A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows." (Monica Piper)

[twohots4u2]

We agree that sex gets better with practice and familiarity. But, we have found that the excitement and stimulaiton of the swinging atmosphere overcomes the lack of familiarity about the other's likes and dislikes. But, we have not had repeated meetings or play with anyone yet. So, when we do we will let you know how it compares....

[2fromNM]

I dunno, I think that the post by "sereneriders" in the new swingers portion of the board is a good reason to keep everything in the recreational sex realm. We don't particularly want to be best buddies with our swing partners. When that happens, lines get blurred and emotions can develop that probably never would have developed without the frequent contact that comes with true friendships. Sex is better with familiarity, but thats a trade off we're willing to make. Even if the sex is bad, its still pretty good.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by 2fromNM

Even if the sex is bad, its still pretty good.

Only if you are a man....rotflmao

Our first experience was awful, to be quiet honest...and for me, I learned long ago not to put much stock in a first time performance (and that was when I was 18 years old)....some can be good, but most are mediocre, and a few are downright awful.



Good luck,

Maria

[Lovethenights]

Very interesting question and worthy of a well considered answer. What really excites me about the lifestyle (I'm the male part of our couple) is what happens with my wife, seeing and hearing her either being given sexual pleasure or watching her giving sexual pleasure. If I get some sexual enjoyment from the other man's wife or from a chance to play FMF, then that's lagniappe. That being the case, whether the playing is with someone new each time or a set of repeat playmates, the focus of my erotic pleasure will be my wife's activities and therefore always should remain about the same enjoyment, intensity, etc. I can't answer for her, as she's pretty tight-lipped about her lifestyle experiences. Since we've not done the repeated playing with one couple, it's hard to know for sure whether the ssex would get better or worse, although I can see it going in a triphasic pattern... Initially a little awkward and clumsy while you learned each other, then artful and expert where you both knew not only what your SO liked but also knew the other couple's buttons, and then after a period of "perfectly experienced sex," perhaps a little drift into excessive familiarity... Kind of like being married for 25 years!

[2fromNM]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Only if you are a man....rotflmao

Our first experience was awful, to be quiet honest...and for me, I learned long ago not to put much stock in a first time performance (and that was when I was 18 years old)....some can be good, but most are mediocre, and a few are downright awful.



Good luck,

Maria

Glad you saw the humor in that

[socolais]

The only poor performance in the encounters we've had,,,,, has been mine. I'm having difficulty relaxing and really enjoying the moments. I get so caught up in wanting to give her a really good time that I fail to do just that (newbie jitters). I see improvements with each encounter - I'm more able to concentrate on her rather than what I'm doing to her.

We haven't had repeat encounters, yet. So that makes this just a theory. I'm thinking I'll get better at "first contact" encounters and then it won't be a case of familiarity causing "better" sex, just "different" sex. Familiarity leads to familiar button pushing - I'm really digging these unfamiliar touches I get with playmates. It's like snowflakes and finger prints, no two sexual encounters are exactly alike and they don't arrange nicely on a one dimensional scale of "goodness".

Comfortable, predictable sex is good in it's own way, and that doesn't detract from the goodness of strange.

Thirty years of monogamy can lead to some bad habits....

[BiloxiCouple]

Aaaaanticiiiiipaaaaaation. Then

[GoNatural]

It has been my experience that the sex did improve after meeting more than once. Moth myself, and the woman were able to understand each other a bit better, and we were not as nervous. I did perform better after multiple meetings, and the woman was more comfortable with me.

Now, I must admit that "fantasy fulfillment" can really heighten the experience of a first time meeting. That is why some of the stories, that are actually real, or so hot. For example, Bob has fantasized for quite a few years about watching his wife have sex with another male, especially a well endowed male that is sexually skilled and long lasting. Well, Bob tells his wife about this fantasy. After "many moons", she becomes interested in the fantasy also. Finally, they deside to look for the right guy.

After a couple of months they find and meet with their fantasy fulfilling figure. They are luckier than most couples to have found such a guy, and he is real. In this situation, I believe that Bob's first experience with the swinging lifestyle will be HIGHLY satisfying. Now, I cannot speak for the woman, but it is likely that when a fantasy that requires a "specific kind" of partner is finally fulfilled, that she either experiences extreme pleasure, or is disapointed. Since most of this fantasy fulfillment is mental, chances are really good that this first time will be mindblowing, even if the actual sex isn't perfect. So much of it is in the mind.

[WeMayTryIt]

Originally Posted by socolais

Thirty years of monogamy can lead to some bad habits....

Well, we're a ways away from the 30 year mark (about 1/2 way), and this seems hard to overcome. Although I don't see them as "bad" habits--they're very, very good habits for us--they are habits none the less. With most of the women we've been with so far, it's been extremely difficult to know what to do. Most have been very hard to read. I'll start off with what I know works magic with my wife, and when I don't get the feedback I'm used to, I try to switch things up. Still, generally little feedback. Several times, the male half has later commented about how I made her cum, and I've thought, "Really? WHEN?!?" So in most of our experiences, it wasn't as good as I would have liked, just because I'm left thinking that I'm not nearly as good as my wife makes me think I am. Add to that the fact that my Mrs. cums at the drop of a hat, and it's a bit disconcerting when the new woman you're with isn't responding in a manner you're used to. I guess I've been spoiled, and now I'm having to really work at it!

[WesternSwing]

Good question. For me it has covered the spectrum from mind-blowing to "I shaved my balls for this?"

I think it has allot to do with 1) the chemistry between you, and 2) how skilled a lover they are to begin with.

Overall though, the newness always adds an edge of excitement to it that makes it pretty good. But as you said, it does get better the second or third time with a playmate. I think that is one reason Mrs. WS and I tend to continue playing with those we have chemistry with, because especially for her the familiarity and thus trust factor plays huge into her comfort level and what she'll do with a playmate.

Mr. WS

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Geoduck

It's been my experience that sex with a brand-new partner isn't as satisfying as sex with the same person a little later, after the newness has passed, whether that takes a night or a week, or more. In other words, once a couple having sex gets to know each other's physical likes, it's easier for that couple to be mutually good, maybe even great, lovers.

We had a single female playmate who had a "third time is the charm" theory. She said that sex with a playmate was never really as good as it could be until the third time with them.

It made sense to me.

Sadly, we never got past two The first two were so good, I was planning on wearing football pads for the third...

I am not sure there is a number to it, but there is a level of comfort that does come "eventually". It is easier to be yourself with a long time playmate, whereas someone you haven't been with often - or for some reason you are hesitant with - can cause you to hold back, think through every step, try not to cross some imaginary line.

That said, there are people with whom the first time works like it was German-engineered

Chemistry is a funny thing. I've had incredible experiences with women I've played with once and never seen again. But I've also seen chemistry increase like mad over time - when the sex started fairly "ho hum" but the friend-connection was good. What would I prefer? While there is something to be said for the rare "lightening strike", The comfort of long term friendship wins out every time.

Spoomonkey

[socolais]

Originally Posted by WeMayTryIt

With most of the women we've been with so far, it's been extremely difficult to know what to do. Most have been very hard to read. I'll start off with what I know works magic with my wife, and when I don't get the feedback I'm used to, I try to switch things up. Still, generally little feedback.

This describes my experiences very well. Perhaps the lack of familiarity between us leads her to not be as vocal or generally as responsive. Although, I did have one woman that I think was exagerating her feedback mostly for my benefit - I appreciated the effort but her acting skills were somewhat less than convincing. It was still not "usable information", every touch made her moan and groan the same. We still had fun and that's what really matters.

[WeMayTryIt]

Originally Posted by socolais

I did have one woman that I think was exagerating her feedback mostly for my benefit - I appreciated the effort but her acting skills were somewhat less than convincing. It was still not "usable information", every touch made her moan and groan the same.

We must have been with the same woman