Good sex dependant on lifestyle participation

[bethncole]

I've noticed lately that my interest in having sex is directly connected to us participating in the lifestyle. If we go for more than a few weeks without anything happening hotwife/swinger related - I lose interest in having sex with my wife in particualr and with anybody in general.

Does anybody else feel this way?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by bethncole

Does anybody else feel this way?

Not at all.

I think swinging - and good experiences - really make our sex life explode, and when we aren't swinging we settle into our "once a day" routine. As routines go, that's not a bad one at all. But to lose interest in sex with my wife? Nah...

I may build up more interest in having sex with a play mate if it has been a while, but I definitely don't lose interest in Mrs Spoo...

Spoomonkey

[ShellyM]

OP, its really not supposed to be that way in my opinion. Swinging is supposed to enhance a sex life that is already hot on it's own, not stimulate a sex life completely. Jay and I have a great sex like on our own. Is this one reason why the lifestyle is frustrating at times? Yes, I must say that it is......I have been with other men and wondered what the hell am I doing, this sex is mediocre and the sex with my husband is fantastic. So lifestyle wise it has been rough. But I would rather be bored in the lifestyle because I'm sexually spoiled with my husband than the other way around, needing the lifestyle to keep my interest in sex up. I'm not saying you are wrong...I'm saying that this may become an issue. What happens if your wife decides that the lifestyle is no longer for her, does your sex life completely die off? So I think you need to work on building up your sex life with your wife, making that hot....and using the lifestyle as an enhancement vs. a necessity.
Shelly

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by bethncole

Does anybody else feel this way?

I don't feel that way.

Our general sex life patterns don't change because of our activity or inactivity in alternative sex lifestyles. Regular life pressures might affect our sex life but not lifestyle activities.

Your post makes me kind of laugh, because if I become angry or frustrated at lifestyle-related issues or people, my common refrain is, "I don't need this - I have a perfectly good sex life at home." And it's true - having sex with other people is not necessary to me and while we may have some hot sex because of experiences in the lifestyle, it's not necessary to do the lifestyle for us to have hot sex. We still can generate that on our own.

[des1re06]

Heck no!

Irregardless of whether we swing or not, I want my wife more every day.

From the viewpoint of a 48 year old male, my sex drive has increased tenfold just by my wife's being open and dressing sexy. It has nothing to do with whether we swing, and many times we don't even swap at events. I'm happy with just her.

Mr. D

[lovinher]

If it ever comes to that we are done with swinging.

[prettylady]

Nothing and nobody can take my intrest off my Dog.
If you make yours and your SOs sex life a priority, you will find when you do swing it is going to ROCK YOUR WORLD!!
I really enjoy swinging, but when all is said and done, Dog is who I want to make love to everyday for the rest of our lives. Dog wants to die making love to me....I don't find that overly sexy, but I appreciate the sentament.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[bethncole]

Hmmm. Didn't expect to have this thread turn into people rushing to defend their own sex lives. Though one can make a point that "if your sex life is so awesome - why are you swinging in the first place?". Most people, I thought, swing to make it even better and if you have a choice between "great" and "even better" - wouldn't you want "even better" all the time?

[WesternSwing]

I don't think "lose interest" if we don't swing, but swinging definitely turbocharges our sex life and we do have sex more frequently as a couple when we are actively swinging as opposed to when we take breaks.

Mr. WS

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by bethncole

Hmmm. Didn't expect to have this thread turn into people rushing to defend their own sex lives. Though one can make a point that "if your sex life is so awesome - why are you swinging in the first place?". Most people, I thought, swing to make it even better and if you have a choice between "great" and "even better" - wouldn't you want "even better" all the time?

We had a great and abundant sex life before we started swinging, and swinging even added some more zip. But do we swing because we are dissatisfied with each other sexually? No. We swing because different people offer different things sexually to us. It's definitely not "better', just different and therefore fun. Nothing more, nothing less.

Swinging was more of a natural evolution of our relationship and sex together. We got to a point in our relationship where we were both comfortable and secure enough with each other to be able to discuss our sexual fantasies without fear of rejection because the other got jealous. We discovered we both had some similar fantasies and we were secure enough to be able to help the other realize them and have a great time doing it ourself.

Besides, the "best" part is sharing this with each other.

Mr. WS

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by bethncole

Hmmm. Didn't expect to have this thread turn into people rushing to defend their own sex lives. Though one can make a point that "if your sex life is so awesome - why are you swinging in the first place?". Most people, I thought, swing to make it even better and if you have a choice between "great" and "even better" - wouldn't you want "even better" all the time?

I did see a lot of people that didn't agree with your initial post, but I sure didn't see a lot of defensive talk.

There is an entire thread (entitled Why?????) that deals with your question that actually spun off of or was inspired by this thread.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by bethncole in their last post

Most people, I thought, swing to make it even better and if you have a choice between "great" and "even better" - wouldn't you want "even better" all the time?

To be fair, your first post wasn't "swinging makes sex better". It was "no swinging leaves our sex life barely breathing."

Originally Posted by bethncole in their first post

If we go for more than a few weeks without anything happening hotwife/swinger related - I lose interest in having sex with my wife in particualr and with anybody in general.

Losing interest in having sex with your wife "in particular" is - unless I am reading something incorrectly - miles away from "our sex life is great, but swinging makes it 'even better.'" If you ask me, what you described in your first post is hardly a "great" sex life. It actually sounds like there might be a problem, IMHO.

Just like Lovinher said, if it ever came to that for us, we'd quit the lifestyle. At the end of the day, what we have at home is pretty great - and if it ever became dependent on swinging, we'd back away from swinging and fix us.

As a couple who swings, we do start from "great". And we do - constantly - defend our own sex lives. Nurturing our relationship is something that matters to us. Swinging certainly enhances things - making things as you say "even better" in some ways - but our ability and freedom to swing starts at home.

Spoomonkey

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by bethncole

Hmmm. Didn't expect to have this thread turn into people rushing to defend their own sex lives. Though one can make a point that "if your sex life is so awesome - why are you swinging in the first place?". Most people, I thought, swing to make it even better and if you have a choice between "great" and "even better" - wouldn't you want "even better" all the time?

I don't think anyone is defending their sex life. I did read quite a few that state that their sex life is great no matter if they swing or not. Everyone might have a different reason why they swing. I know why we do, which might or might not be the same as any of the other posters here on this board.

Mr. LFM and I don't need to make our sex life better. It's the best I've ever had and more than I could wish for. If our sex life was lacking, I better be keeping my hiney at home and fixing what went south and rethink the whole swing thing. I don't think there is anyone here that would refute that.

To date, I've never been with another partner that is better than Mr. LFM. So then you might ask, why even swing then? Because I love the way it makes me feel. I LOVE sex and I love watching Mr. LFM have fun with his partner. Believe me, I have the "best" all the time, but it's fun having sex with others.

[Tia Vampire]

We agree 100%. Good sex does depends on participation. We do have alot of rules and we have noticed since we took that I am bi- curiuos out of our profile, that we have fewer e- mails. I'm not changing for anyone. I've tried it, and found out that it is not for me. It is hard to find four people that agree on the same things.

[JustAskJulie]

I just ran across this thread and I thought it was relevant in relation to a new thread going regarding couples who only have sex when they swing.