separate rooms vs. "alone"

[willyoats]

I was just reminded that there is a difference between swinging separately, i.e., with you and your SO in different rooms, and swinging alone, i.e., without your SO involved at all (maybe not even in the same country, as will happen with me next week). I wonder what other people's experiences have been regarding this difference. We have done both and liked both.

[Semod]

We tried it, I liked it, she didn't. Now it's not allowed.

We both had the opportunity to play alone on different occasions. She met with a gentleman that we had played with as couples at a hotel. His wife and I knew about it and were OK with it. Although she enjoyed the sex, she didn't like the feeling of being with someone else in a hotel. Then his wife and I both happened to have an afternoon off, so we met. Everybody knew about it. We had a great time. That evening, I found out that even though she knew about it, she wasn't happy about it. So from that point on, there will be no more playing alone. Saying that, even if she doesn't want me playing alone, she is free to do so if she ever feels she'd like to. It's OK with me.

[Spoomonkey]

So far we have only done the "alone" part.

Mrs Spoo has played alone a couple of times - once with a couple, once with a single. She really didn't enjoy it honestly.

I get a thrill out of it personally - and really am not that interested in playing alone. When she does it, though, it is amazingly hot! With the single, I left them alone and went to the movies. Talk about a LONG ass movie!

She has talked recently about playing alone with couples again. I think that is about as far as she would go. We are developing friendships where - whether they want that or not - she has said that she is comfortable enough to do that. It isn't something we look for - but what it says about her comfort level is great!

Spoomonkey

[oddcouple]

Hey Spoomonkey,

I hope the hell is wasn't "Out of Africa" that you were watching.
Whew! That would be an eternity.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

With the single, I left them alone and went to the movies. Talk about a LONG ass movie!

Or the Godfather Saga, Patton, Gone with Wind, etc.

I wonder what other people's experiences have been regarding this difference.

We play together and we play separately. We've enjoyed both. The separate play/separate rooms/play together all work for us.

[ShellyM]

We enjoy playing in separate rooms with the right couples. We have not played alone to date. I almost did, but decided against it because it felt too much like dating even though Jay knew about everything and had given his consent. Just didn't feel right. If we were to find the right couple we would have no problem with the idea of perhaps spending time alone...but not with singles or couples we do not know very well. But you know, to each their own!
Shelly

[wetpanties]

Never alone - swinging is something we want to do together. We tried seperate rooms with a couple that we are very comfortable with and have been with several times. It was fun for both of us but we decided that seperate rooms is for special times with special people and not the norm.

[socolais]

This is something I've been thinking about. I have an opportunity comming up (and permission), to play alone at a local house party where we already know some of the participants and while she's out of town. We know it's going to be fun when she gets back home whether I actually engage in play or not.

It's so comforting to have this level of trust between us.

[GoNatural]

I'm single, but I would dearly like to be in a LTR with a woman that was open to playing alone with others herself. As for me, I'd enjoy it, but could do without it if I had to in a relationship.

As for meeting with a wife alone with her husband's permission, I'd enjoy it big time because I think that it is more adventerous and kinky. I've been watched and filmed before, so it is in no way an effort to avoid her hubby. I get turned on by it, because I would like to have a wife that would do the same.

[WesternSwing]

Mrs. WS and I love playing together, but there are times when playing alone has it's benefits. Both Mrs. WS and I are such voyeurs (especially me) that we get distracted easily watching the other (especially me) and don't pay as much attention to our play partner as maybe we should. Playing in separate rooms or alone allows us to be totally in the moment with our play partner without any of the other distractions going on.

The downside? Well, I really like the idea of knowing Mrs. WS is out on a date with another guy and having a good time, both socially and sexually. It is a huge turn-on and we screw for hours when she gets home.

She, on the other hand loves for me to have a great time by myself with a girlfriend, but it's not as sexually exciting for her as it is for me.

One of the big differences between us is that I am okay with her actually going on a 'date' with another guy - dinner, movie, sex - while I stay home and watch the kids and do my thing. She prefers I keep my sexytime during the day when she is at work and it's not time away from her. I also prefer just the sex part and really don't feel the need to 'date' anyone besides her... well maybe with one exception (and you know who you are) and we haven't had much 'date'-time yet. And Mrs. WS is totally okay with me 'dating' this person.

Mr. WS

[Lovethenights]

Despite our scant experiences, and despite how odd it may sound, I know the night my wife spent with another man off alone at our lake house was one of the most erotic nights I have had. I had my head overloaded with fantasies and imaginings of what was happening at each moment... how he was touching her... how she was responding... what part of her he was touching... what her hands were doing... I drove down the next morning and the hour's drive felt like three days. Seeing the bed they slept in together, her still asleep and his side all rumpled and messed up, turned me on terribly. She knows that she always has my permission for separate activities as long as she's open to sharing what went on and not hiding that she wants to be with someone. She's given me permission to do somewhat the same, though I have felt her permission a bit half-hearted and not taken her up on it. (yet) She hasn't pursued going it alone much at all, despite having my encouragement, my blessing and permission, saying she prefers being with me... (go figure!) Since I am aware that imagination can be even more intense than reality, I would never restrict her access to any man she wanted, even if she were going to have him all alone and all to herself. Nothing to me is as sexy and erotic as my wife in the throes of passion.

[rpu3]

Nice to hear about all the others in similar arrangements!

Originally Posted by Lovethenights

She hasn't pursued going it alone much at all, despite having my encouragement, my blessing and permission, saying she prefers being with me... (go figure!)

We are in a similar arrangement, and my spouse certainly is open to me playing alone, and certainly encourages me to pursue it more often. However, life being what it is, even with the encouragement it's a matter of meeting regular life obligations and being happy and engaged in my marriage, and the rest - family and friends (vanilla and alternative) - are then worked in. That's why it's not a frequent pursuit for me despite the spouse's encouragement.

Further, the one person I do see alone is not in this immediate area and I'm not much of a stalker or a demanding person to make that solo activity with that a far more frequent activity - it would probably the single friend off if I tried to get together more often, actually! Nor am I interested in finding local single play dates. Just the thought of vetting potential single play partners tires me so I'm just not interested in pursuing more of the same right now.

I'd rather focus my efforts on our joint activities (regular life and alternative life), and maintaining our current friendships. If we run into a new potential play alone situation, well, we'll talk about it then, but I'm not looking.

It's good to know my spouse is open to whatever I thought worked for me. That trust and agreement means everything. Sounds like your wife feels the same, even if she doesn't take you up on it that often.

[bethncole]

The only difference is that you're doing it at the same time and within a relatively close proximity. Emotionally those are pretty similiar.

[SW_PA_Couple]

"Swing alone" is an oxymoron. Married couples who trade partners is part of the definition of swinging. Going to a party as a single was offered to me. I thanked my wife for her thoughtfulness then politely declined. We have spoken of the possibilities several times -- there are guys who have flattered her by asking if she ever does it alone -- but we have decided that it is too slippery a slope.

[ShellyM]

SW, I know alot of couples that swing "alone", and I would call it more of an open marriage situation. In my mind the difference between swinging alone and open marriage is the fact that a couple that swings alone still shares everything with each other. The hubby knows who and where the wife is playing with and vice versa....where in an open marriage they do their own thing sexually and kind of meet in the middle in regards to their family life. Jay and I are absolutely hesitant in taking this step and have not done so to date. We have just seen couples that did this and ended up more like 2 separate people than 1 united couple....and once you have opened up Pandora's box its really hard to close it back up.
Shelly