Spoomonkey’s Working Theory of Haunted Houses

[Spoomonkey]

This may be the most important thread for men in recent recorded history. In fact, it may be so important that I could be the first primate winner of the Noble Prize. Chances are, if you don’t find value in this thread you hate pie, cute babies and all the things that make our country great*

Here’s my theory about haunted houses. They really aren’t that scary. But, if you buy into them, they can be creepy as hell. Mrs Spoo and I love haunted houses because we know how to buy in, to really let ourselves be scared. And we always get our money’s worth!

You see, being scared is what the haunted house guys are trying to do, but I can spoil that simply by not letting myself get into it. Being scared, therefore, is not so much their job as it is mine. They are doing their part – and when I do mine, it is an amazing experience!

So – let’s apply that to sex.

Men – the good ones anyway – obsess about their equipment and/or ability to please a playmate. I know for me, I read as much stuff as I can, I work out, I try to make myself fun for the person I am lucky enough to be with (which is usually Mrs Spoo – and I consider that the greatest luck of all!) So – I will start with the assumption (which, admittedly, often doesn’t fit, but for most of the men around here, is probably workable) that the men are doing their part.

Where the theory comes in is with the women buying into the experience. I am quite sure that it is not me who gives a woman an orgasm as much as it is her who allows herself to have one. Women can certainly block the best efforts.

There are two keys to this (as I see it):

1. Chemistry, which is unpredictable and impossible to manipulate. It is either there, sometimes in the form of visible sparks, or it is not.
   
2. Comfort, which is just a positive rapport that two people have that makes each able to relax and enjoy a situation.

Both can increase the other, I think. Where there is chemistry there will be more comfort. Where there is comfort, chemistry can be found.

“Buying in” to the experience does not mean pretending you are enjoying lame sex. Not at all! There will always be lame experiences – mostly because I can’t make ever male read this, the most important thread in the history of the written word. But, for those of us who do read it, the questions are these:

1. What can a man do to help increase your comfort level?
   
2. What helps you relax in a situation and “buy in”?

That’s it! The answers to those questions – from women who are familiar with themselves and with what works, what doesn’t – are the Holy Grail that we men seek! It is not the dozens of penis enlargement spam we receive in our email every week. It is right here, in this thread. Your answers will raise this from the best board for swinging information on the net to the single greatest resource for mankind – a monolith of wisdom and evolutionary potential, ala 2001 – A Space Odyssey. Help us evolve, ladies. Help us help you

Spoomonkey

*by “our country” I mean whichever country you are in – or whichever country you feel is great.

[lovinher]

This is one of those events that you remember where you were for the rest of your life when you heard about it.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by lovinher

This is one of those events that you remember where you were for the rest of your life when you heard about it.

Like when Madonna did her appearance on American Bandstand...



Spoomonkey

[RidesLikeNew]

From Mrs. Rides, who is the one who is most interested...

I don't really talk to that many of my female companions about this, but when it does come up, by far and away the biggest resistance I hear to the idea is ladies' discomfort about their bodies. So gentlemen, I would suggest that you start focusing on the parts of your partner that she likes the best, praising the ones she's not so sure of.

And, above all, get yourself some books that help you learn how to take pictures of her that make her look good. You can do this, even at the family reunion, even when she's in her swimsuit. (In that case, for example, never, ever, ever take a picture of any normal woman in full sun in a suit.) Seriously! When I was 20-40 pounds heavier, Mr. R would relentlessly take pics of me that were unflattering so that I would be "motivated" to do something about it. What that did was just make me more convinced it was hopeless.

If you have gotten a "maybe" from your lady, imho, the most important thing you can do is make her confident about her ability to hold her own among other hot women.

And, oh, by the way, I have never, ever, ever talked to any woman about the idea who doesn't at least have sort of a passing fantasy about it.

Just an observation.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by RidesLikeNew

FI don't really talk to that many of my female companions about this, but when it does come up, by far and away the biggest resistance I hear to the idea is ladies' discomfort about their bodies.

Excellent advice, Mrs Ride!

Just to be clear, though, I am not asking about motivating a woman to swing (though this is certainly great wisdom that is very useful in this, the most significant thread in the history of history). I am talking about what it takes to help a playmate be comfort, relax and enjoy herself in a play situation - and what we, as men, can do in those situations to make things easier.

Thanks for the advice! Good stuff!!!

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

I think there are several things that make me comfortable in a play situation.

1. Talk to Spoo! We have so many guys that will wait till he walks away from me or I am walking around by myself to talk to me. It makes me feel like you think he is insignificant to me and/or that I’ll sneak off with you and play alone.

Sorry guys your not “all that”. Spoo is most important to me and if you plan to “back door” him or think I’m “that” easy you have the lifestyle all wrong…or at least you have me all wrong.

2. Talk to me! Seems simple enough doesn't it? We'll play pool with couples and Spoo, the wife and I will be talking and getting to know each other and the husband is like a bump on a log. Talk about anything but talk...I don't hit the sheets with someone I don't even know.

3. Flirt! Are you just in this for your wife to have fun? Are you not interested in me but she's interested in Spoo? That's what it feels like if you can't flirt a little. It doesn't have to be over the top and definitely not crude but something. I like when we play pool at the club because it makes this part kind of easy...trying to mess up shots etc.

4. Treat your wife respectfully, because I’ll notice and if you can’t treat her better than anyone in the club then why should I think you’ll care about how I feel or what I want when we get to the room!!

5. Don’t take yourself too seriously. I have the most fun with guys who are comfortable with themselves and not intimidated or trying to be “the best” guy in the lifestyle. In other words…we can have a fun time and some great sex but Spoo is the only one who rocks my world.

Our best times have been when all four of us talked to each other, flirted and could laugh at the in room mishaps. (you know those unexpected things that just happen when you are trying to get four people on beds pushed together in a tiny and sometimes very warm room and you have to laugh about them).

One last thing I would like to comment on is the "buying in". This is merely enjoying the moments. Ladies...know yourself! Know what you like, and what pushes your buttons. I’ve mentioned this before on the board but when we first got into the lifestyle I read “The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex”. It opened my eyes to my sexual self and increased my over all enjoyment.

Eat right, work out, primp (shave all your “parts” ), take relaxing baths…but, do this for you. When I am taking care of me I feel sexy and confident. I can feel it and Spoo can see it. If you don't feel sexy in your own skin then find out why. Buy sexy clothes (ones the YOU are comfortable in) not what you think your “suppose” to wear.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[SouthBond]

6031 posts since March 2004. Truly amazing.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

6031 posts since March 2004. Truly amazing.

[Zoe&Wash]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

In fact, it may be so important that I could be the first primate winner of the Noble Prize.

Nope, Wm. Golding, Literature, 1983.

W

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

6031 posts since March 2004. Truly amazing.

Yes it is.

I'm glad we have someone (as well as a few others) on here that take the time to keep things interesting and new. I like this thread because it is something I need to work on in a bad way.

I think I already learned something.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

6031 posts since March 2004. Truly amazing.

Actually, it is since January of 2004, but I'm not quite sure of what your point is.

Do you have any input for the thread or no?

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Zoe&Wash

Nope, Wm. Golding, Literature, 1983.

Damn that Wm. Golding...

I hate that dude

Spoomonkey

[socolais]

I'll buy that!!!

[widowerman]

Yep, women are just like a hunted house. If you lose yourself in her, she is mysterious and wonderful. Expect the unexpected with a woman, its well worth it!

I said it before and I’ll say it again. Learn to praise women, learn to worship women, and when all else fails, learn to use our wonderful tongues, hands and fingers to please women. Each woman should be treated like a brand new experience. No matter how many times you are with the same woman treat her like you first met and be the man we were all meant to be. Respect the woman, respect her time. It’s not how many different women you can have that this play thing is about; it’s about quality time with a woman who wants to be desired. Praise her form, she is still woman and has a lot to offer. Her body size or type is secondary to what she can offer a man.
She is the epitome of our human race. She can out last us in the game of sex; she can be warm when needed as well as rough when she wants to be.

If you can follow some simple clues the women will flock to you. Don’t be like the other guy, the hit and run narcissist. A seventh grader can do that. Be a man and respect and listen to the woman’s body. It gives you all the clues you need.

Peace out.

[havefuninsun]

Spoo, you are the most amazing monkey ever. EVER. I have never said that to anyone before.

I've always thought the brain was the most important sex organ any of us have.