Tease Freaks seeking same

[socolais]

The primary chatter in the kingdom of swingers is strongly focused on rules and boundaries. A zephyr of a voice speaks of preferences and teases. In my fantasies, the boundaries are frequently tested as an exploration of fun. We all know there's a separation between fantasy and reality. The reality is clearly that I enjoy teasing and being teased. The fantasy of enjoying the benefits of swinging has altered reality between us and sprinkled the benefits in a very teasing way. We feel closer and stronger. We like the fresh energy in our little two-person sex tangle.

The reality of our (probably rare) preferences means finding and bonding with other tease aficionados will be an unlikely event. I have a theory that many of the "swinger wanna-bees" that get labeled as "flakes" are actually tease freaks like us that are having trouble communicating their true preferences to the folks they contact. They provide their own tease element by not following through on the actions that were expected. Each time they perform this tease event, they broaden their comfort zone by a small amount. Perhaps eventually they seek to be teased by "advancing" to more "normal" swinging and looking for tease freaks "lower on the ladder". I think that is not a fun game to play.

Imagine two couples (tease freaks) communicate and discover an area of common comfort zone and are interested in having fun together by collectively expanding the zone in a controlled manner. How do we start a communication process like this with a strange couple? As a side note: I believe that's why swing virgins think swinging with their existing friends looks so appealing - much of the common comfort zone is already known.

I think I'll leave a little bit to the imagination......

[spectraschain]

Imagine two couples (tease freaks) communicate and discover an area of common comfort zone and are interested in having fun together by collectively expanding the zone in a controlled manner.

Hmmmmm...sounds like sitting & staring at one another all night...does not sound like fun.

[SouthBond]

You will probably advance to more serious activities in time. Once the novelty of teasing subsides, you will probably move to soft swap and then to the really fun things. There is a term that you might want to look up. It is Prick Teaser. It basically means that a women flirts and teases and gives the impression that she will do more. I don't think that they win many friends. Since you have 53 posts, I suspect that you are really interested in more than a tease.

[curiousswingers]

Originally Posted by socolais

They provide their own tease element by not following through on the actions that were expected. Each time they perform this tease event, they broaden their comfort zone by a small amount. Perhaps eventually they seek to be teased by "advancing" to more "normal" swinging and looking for tease freaks "lower on the ladder". I think that is not a fun game to play.

We recently met a couple like this and it was NOT FUN! I think you need to think of the other people involved. My 2 cents worth

[DBL D]

Foreplay...yes. Main event...No. But to each his own. We had a chance once to play with a couple who wanted to swap oral with us but would not do full swap. We didn't think they were what we were looking for.

Some people don't think time is of any value. They think it will go on and on. Well, you only have so many opportunities to play, and certainly not as many as I'd like. We feel it would be a waste to spend them on Teasing.

Male D

[socolais]

Some interesting comments - thanks

Yes, this is somewhat difficult to describe with a positive spin and for sure, this is not for everyone. But, it is consistent with the core concepts of swinging (when everyone involved is aware of the intended outcome).

LOL!!! @ "prick tease" - a near perfect description!!! Every coin has two sides and traditional "prick tease" is not a very kind vanilla game on us testosterone junkies. Guys, remember how good it felt to get prick teased all night long, progressively anticipating each little "reward" we "won" with our impressive charm (Scooby snack). ANTICIPATION ROCKS!!! What genuinely sucks with the vanilla version is that the guy has to supply his own satisfaction,,,,, on top of unhappy emotions about her. [ask yourself why you're smiling right now] In the swing version of the prick tease, my worked-up wife is handy and eager for mutual enthusiastic satisfaction. Perhaps this qualifies as an "ultra-soft swing event". (Mohs is a hardness scale.) I suggest, "prick tease" is a term that needs to evolve along the same path "wife swap" did.

Progress is another anticipation. Yes, we'll advance toward more normal swing activities along a very predictable and well-blazed trail. We choose to savor the journey to the destination and time enjoyed should not be considered "wasted". There's a certain finesse to enjoy at each casual step along the way. Think in terms of a comfortable "geisha house" with a gender equality flair (and Mearle Haggard on the juke box)["fun", not necessarily "stuffy"]. This is similar in contrast to a "college toga party" as a "gentlemens' club" is to a "dive, titty bar".

My delima is, how to sell this concept to like-minded, ah, "pricks". Do tease freaks generally self-identify? My observations lead me to believe that tease freaks generally prefer unsuspecting victims (that is a game we do NOT want to play). Swing Lifestyle search options (available to free accounts) are clearly not optimized for segregating this group. I have not encountered any positive terms to describe this group of lost souls, in the vernacular of swingdom. Perhaps "tease freak" is another term that needs to evolve......

on a side note: somebody please volunteer to develop some usable terms to describe cross-coupled chemestry between two consenting couples. Almost everyone says it differently and it's usually awkward.

[BCinIN]

We choose to savor the journey to the destination and time enjoyed should not be considered "wasted".

Well that really sums it all up. And you're right--if you're enjoying yourselves, you're doing fine. I would recommend you make sure other couples enjoy the same sort of thing though, just so no one gets surprised unpleasantly (pleasant surprises are always welcome ).

If my wife and I went to the club, talked to a few couples, had a few drinks, laughed a lot, then went off together and had sex with just the two of us, we'd consider it time well spent. If more happened, same thing.

Actually, we tend to avoid couples that insist on maximal-level play. If you NEED to have sex with someone else, you're married to the wrong person.

[Pensacolapair]

As the saying goes, "Different strokes for different folks".

IMHO, Socolais is to be applauded for his honesty...if more in the Lifestyle were as honest,there would be far less heartburn. Where the problem comes in for many is that some people who have a particular 'thing' find that maybe there doesn't happen to be a lot of folks with that same 'thing' out there - so they attempt to mold others to fit. The 'soft-swingers' who try to convince others that less is just as exciting or the 'full-swappers' who want to push others towards places they don't want to go. In a perfect world, if someone states that something isn't their flavor, the correct response would be to smile, say thank you, and continue perusing the menu.

However, the way that it works far too often within the Lifestyle is that the response to too many "thanks-but-that's-not-our-flavor" replies is that a 'by hook or crook' mentality gets adopted. And, then there's that other thing that Socolais touched on - some actually get a bigger thrill from getting their 'thing' fed from someone who is looking for something else.

To answer the question about the search options available on Swing Lifestyle for finding others into the 'tease' thing...from what I have seen, if you check only the block in search for those who have indicated their play style as 'tame'...the profiles that will come up in a search will probably be more what you are looking for. Swing Lifestyle defines the 'tame' setting as: Interested in tame pleasures such as meeting others at a nude beach, or same room sex, but with your own partner. That might be a good starting point for common ground...the other 2 categories involve some form of physical interaction with each other's partner.

Hope that helps!

[DBL D]

Socolais, I was only saying how I think, and my wife generally agrees. Honestly, if that's what you're after, then put it in your profile and have a go at it.

M.D.

[JustAskJulie]

I think what you are looking for is what a lot of those who end up at the clubs are looking for. And, I think clubs and socials are probably the best place to find what you are looking for. You can go to a club meet new folks, dance, tease, flirt then go play with each other. As you return to the same clubs you will see some of the same people and end up with "friends" that you flirt and tease with on a regular basis.

[socolais]

I get a chuckle reading back over this old post. At the time I typed it, I thought it pretty well described the kind of play we were looking for. My wife was very cautious about participating in swinging and wanted to progress slowly. I was just exploring common ground between our preferences. She and I both warmed up to swinging quicker than either of us imagined and we had a full swap on our third adventure.

The key to our quickened pace was when we discovered that we were not much different than all you other sex fiends out there....

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by socolais

I get a chuckle reading back over this old post. At the time I typed it, I thought it pretty well described the kind of play we were looking for. My wife was very cautious about participating in swinging and wanted to progress slowly. I was just exploring common ground between our preferences. She and I both warmed up to swinging quicker than either of us imagined and we had a full swap on our third adventure.

The key to our quickened pace was when we discovered that we were not much different than all you other sex fiends out there....

Obviously I've been going through old posts and I'm finding that sometimes the best stuff comes from bringing back up the old and seeing how things have changed since then, or how those situations turned out.