Who makes the first move when you're at someone's house?

[prettylady]

When you are invited to visit someones house who makes the first move?
Dog and I went to this couples house a few weeks ago. We played pool all night. It was clear as air that the plan was to play, but hour after hour, we just kept playing pool. Dog tried to move things along by making a strip game of it. Down to no cloths and still nothing? Finally Dog got up put his hand out for the mrs. to take then finally things moved along. We went into thier "playroom" and started to play...with our own partners. Then moved onto playmates. What then struck me as strange we only did oral. At no point did the other couple show interest in sex. We new about their rules, but none stated no intercourse. We then hung out and chatted for awhile. Finally at 5am Dog and I left. I was over the top tired and had to work in just a few short hours, so did Dog.
I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone elses house, should the hosts dictate(to some extent) the movement of the night? If they were a regular play couple the I could see the first move being anyones, but first time?
What do you all think? Still new and feeling things out here.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Alura]

"First Moves" always seemed uncomfortable to us, no matter who makes them.

We like to "evolve" into playing. By that I mean that the evening should proceed in stages, similar to the body language pattern that seems common in dating. The first step toward intimacy is generally holding hands, followed by an interlacing of fingers, a hug, a kiss, and you're on your way. It's important that no step be made out of order.

We've found swingers are quick to hug upon arrival if they have sex in mind. In that case, hold hands immediately after the hug, then interlace fingers. If that is met with enthusiasm, a kiss is natural, even expected.

Earlier play means earlier to bed and more alert at work the next day. For ol' married folks like ourselves, that spells the difference between a successful evening and one we wish we hadn't had.

Mr. Alura

[The Fuse]

Argh... that is so frustrating. I feel for you and Dog! We had an experience this weekend where we were up way too late, but nothing really happened. That was a slightly different situation and I've already moaned about it elsewhere.

But to answer your question, I wouldn't much care whether we were in our own house, the other couples' house, a club, a hotel, or on a beach... if I want to know, I can't keep myself from just asking directly. Subtlety be damned, it's just not in my nature to hold back. You never know -- they might have been wondering the same thing, going nuts because they couldn't remember whether you are a soft-swap couple!

At the very least, I'm sure they would be flattered if you asked... after all, you were playing, so they liked you. It's so easy to say this while I'm not in your shoes... so feel free to ignore me.

[2TexasTornados]

I'm glad to read that other people have this issue! I find it really frustrating to stress over who's going to make a move, and should I or DH say anything or just wait, just use body language to test the waters... on it goes. We have one male playmate who we've known for years on end (friend before playmate) and even when it's just the three of us alone in a situation, we find it hard to figure out if we're all on board to make it a playdate or not.

[good times]

I have to admit we have had this problem in the past too, but we are slowly getting over it. Now if I were in the situation you described I would have asked them straight out. Like Fuse, subtlety is not me best attribute, so at some point I will usually just ask if we are going to have sex or not. I usually do this sometime before 12 PM as I sometimes don't perform well when I am too tired.

[subtoMistressT]

I have learned overr the years that she has a hard time making the first move unless it is with people we swing with on a regular basis. I usually have to do some prompting to get things going. After that it just takes off with everyone doing what comes naturally and what they are comfortable with.

[belgiumCouple]

How about a board game. I couple we're chatting with told us they created on as an ice breaker and it's really working for them.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by prettylady

When you are invited to visit someones house who makes the first move?
Dog and I went to this couples house a few weeks ago. We played pool all night. It was clear as air that the plan was to play, but hour after hour, we just kept playing pool. Dog tried to move things along by making a strip game of it. Down to no cloths and still nothing? Finally Dog got up put his hand out for the mrs. to take then finally things moved along. We went into thier "playroom" and started to play...with our own partners. Then moved onto playmates. What then struck me as strange we only did oral. At no point did the other couple show interest in sex. We new about their rules, but none stated no intercourse. We then hung out and chatted for awhile. Finally at 5am Dog and I left. I was over the top tired and had to work in just a few short hours, so did Dog.
I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone elses house, should the hosts dictate(to some extent) the movement of the night? If they were a regular play couple the I could see the first move being anyones, but first time?
What do you all think? Still new and feeling things out here.
Your friend,
Prettylady

My viewpoint is from the single male perspective, but maybe you can find something useful in my rambling here. As a single male I do let the couple -- especially her, to reassure me that she's comfortable with the situation -- control the pace. But still, I'd probably still defer to the folks hosting the "party".

Prettylady, I'm just curious, was the other couple experienced? Or fairly new to being active in the lifestyle like you two are? If they aren't very experienced the "first move" thing could be very awkward to them, too. If they have some swinging under their belts -- so to speak -- I'm not sure what the problem was.

Anyway, good for Dog, though, for suggesting strip pool. Getting some or all clothes off is a great starting point. Nudity is an icebreaker (that's why hot tubs and skinny-dipping are popular in SwingWorld), but so is casual, caring touch like Alura mentioned. Thinking about the pool game, the next step might have been to encourage more body contact, say, by then splitting into teams: you and the other guy, and Dog and the other woman. And each team member has to take a shot while leaning over the back of his or her teammate. (I just thought of that, but that seems like it would be fun... ) Or maybe having to take a shot while your partner has his or her arms around your waist. Take it from there.

I've been lucky with most of my encounters at couples' homes or in hotel rooms that somebody has initiated proceedings within an hour or two of my arrival. In those situations I have always left it up to the couple. Sometimes it's been the woman starting things by eventually cozying up to me and we gradually got to kissing and caressing. Another time it was a husband displaying a bottle of oil and suggesting we both give his wife a massage. However, those were experienced couples. Play was not immediate -- we had some good conversations (although I was squirming a little bit ) -- but we got to business in a reasonable amount of time, by my thinking.

So, anyway, if nudity and casual touch are good lead-ins to serious action, maybe you can try massage -- to some extent -- next time. Basic massage only requires willing hands and someone to massage. Make a game out of the guys giving the women foot massages. (Yeah, it may be "sexist", but I have NEVER met a woman who hasn't enjoyed, if not craved, a foot massage.) Then the guys can move up to those sore calves and thighs, etc. Or the guys can massage the womens' hands. (If you haven't had a hand-massage, you're missing something. Think of how much typing, writing, jar-opening, phone-holding, steering-wheel clutching and other stressful hand-motions you do every day and tell me that a hand massage wouldn't feel good.) The women then massage the guys' hands. The women take off the guys shirts so they can massage shoulders. And you can't really give a good back massage through clothing...

Or, start a conversation about exciting encounters you've had before, or if you haven't had that many, start talking about your tamer fantasies and lead into the more exotic ones (you don't want to scare anyone). And ask the other couple about their experiences and fantasies. That might get the juices flowing.

Or just keep talking about how exciting you find the encounter and then suddenly yell, "HELL! GET THE CLOTHES OFF AND LET'S GET AT IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" (Use that one at your discretion.)

Discuss.

Thrax

[Bad Sandy]

Originally Posted by Thrax

Or just keep talking about how exciting you find the encounter and then suddenly yell, "HELL! GET THE CLOTHES OFF AND LET'S GET AT IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" (Use that one at your discretion.)

I love that! lol At hedo we were with friends we had already established we were going to play with that night. After hours at the bar and disco and with midnight approaching I finally said (jokingly), "Are we going to dance all night or what?" That got us back to the room in a hurry. I think usually everyone is waiting for the women to give the "all clear".

Sandy

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by prettylady

I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone elses house, should the hosts dictate (to some extent) the movement of the night?

Yes, I would think that the hosts should have a plan and some idea about making the move.

In the event that they're too shy or wishy-washy to have a game idea ready, or to just say something suggestive to get it started, here's a thought: Start packing a Twister board game in your overnight/sex tote bag. Nothing says "let's get this party started" like a friendly game of nekkid Twister.

http://www.flashmountain.com/naked-twister-01.php

[Spoomonkey]

I HATE that part of this...

We've actually tried to get things going before and had people either not take a hint or give us a vibe like they weren't interested only to have them ask later why we aren't into them :rollseyes

Maybe they aren't ready...

Maybe they don't find us attractive...

Maybe we are just being too fast - crossed some unseen boundary - are missing a sign...

Maybe they don't like purple...

It can drive a person nuts. Even the old, "so - do you guys want to play?" can let you down. Not because they don't, but because no one is sure they can say "yes". Fortunately, Mrs Spoo has gotten really good at getting the ball rolling. I am not sure what she does, but I can't tell how many times I wound up naked without knowing why...

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Fortunately, Mrs Spoo has gotten really good at getting the ball rolling. I am not sure what she does, but I can't tell how many times I wound up naked without knowing why...

If you could just tap into that thing she does and bottle it, you'd be one rich monkey!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

If you could just tap into that thing she does and bottle it, you'd be one rich monkey!

I just let her drag me along...

Behind every good man are those annoying drag marks

Spoomonkey

[JTcamp05]

This is something we run into also, You end up talking and enjoying each others company so long into the night that by the time sex comes into play everyone is worn out. We find that its gets easier over time, after a few visits with a couple things flow faster and more natural.

[daisy girl]

Thrax,

hand massage?? mmm...that sounds delicious. I have to tell my playmates about that one.