Who makes the first move when you're at someone's house?

[JustAskJulie]

This is an excellent question. If you are at our house do you expect us to make the first move? Is it part of the hosts duties to lead things in that direction?

[PB&J]

As long as the oral included kissing, pretty lady! We played soft swap with one couple that wouldn't kiss, either! (oh, ok, I could kiss her, that was nice). (started with pool with them, too)

On the main topic, though, we've always let our hosts take the initiative. And they have. At our place, so far we've only entertained my "gentleman caller", and I've always broken the ice by moving the action to the hot tub, after the ritual beer and man talk at the kitchen table.

[pervgeeks]

I think it's up to the hosts in this situation, particularly the female half. That's why sometimes it's fun on the rare times we have people over. I'm not a shy woman.

I'd also add that my husband's biggest complaint often is how slow it can take to get things going. While I work nights and have a natural late night circadian rhythm going on (and can get pretty chatty), he "turns into a pumkin" by midnight. We've found that when we're on their turf or neutral turf, it seems to better with couples with at least our level of experience or more. We never like to be "pushy", but sometimes you just want to yell, "HEY, are we going to fish or cut bait here!?"

[LFM2]

I also have that train of thought that the hosts should make the first move. After all, it is their house. What's interesting is they all know why they've gathered in that same room, yet, everyone stands there like they're at a junior high dance afraid to move.

The last house party we went to, we played strip pool as well. It didn't take long before the fun began. Probably less than 1 minute after the first shirt came off. All started by the host, of course.

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by Alura

We've found swingers are quick to hug upon arrival if they have sex in mind. In that case, hold hands immediately after the hug, then interlace fingers. If that is met with enthusiasm, a kiss is natural, even expected.

That's something I've never thought of. I'm going to have to pay closer attention from now on. Thanks for sharing that, Mr. Alura.

We tend to invite only people we've played with before to our home. With that being the case, it's usually already decided that we're going to play, it's only a question of when - and that really depends on the couple. With one couple, we can guarantee that she's going to be naked within 30 minutes of her walking in the door - I do so love a woman who knows what she wants, and goes for it. With some others, we do have to nudge a bit here and there. The sexy banter between us usually helps, as does something as simple as seating arrangements. We've discovered that couples who tend to sit together sometimes need a bit more of a nudge than others. Let me explain...

We have a sofa and love seat in our living room, and they're arranged so that they sit across from each other, with a coffee table between them. If he sits on the sofa, and she sits on the love seat, then that usually indicates they want us to sit with them. Sitting next to your potential playmate while your mate is sitting with his/hers makes it a lot easier to get something started. If they both sit together on either the couch or love seat, leaving Lin and I to sit across from them with the table separating us, we're going to have to come up with a way to get things rolling. We usually do that by starting something ourselves as the situation evolves, then inviting the other couple to join us.

[JustAskJulie]

I'm thinking we really need to get a hottub. We have a great home for entertaining and once I've played with someone once it's fairly easy for me to "get things started" but that first time out of the gate.... it sure would be nice to have the naked hottub to get things moving.

[MrkLin]

Hot tubs are the world's greatest ice breakers! Show me a hot tub, and if I'm not the first person in it, I'm right behind him/her. Just a pointer - have LOTS of towels handy. We roll them up and stand them up in baskets, then place the baskets where people can find them easily. Also have several inexpensive bath robes handy for people to use. It's funny, but you can easily talk people into getting naked to get into the hot tub, but once they want to get out, the feel the need to cover up...

[cocpl2007]

We have found ourselves in several situations where nothing happened. No one “started” and the evening wore on until it was no longer an opportunity. We have talked about these situations, and both agreed that there was a variety of reasons playing was not initiated. One couple, there was clearly sufficient chemistry between two of the four present, but not all four. With another, when the kissing prohibition was presented, in a less than conciliatory manner (“Why on earth would I want to kiss someone other than my Spouse?”). It was like a bucket of ice water to the mood. Probably the most colorful: we were at a couples home… very nice place. They invited us into their “play room” which was all set up for some pretty exotic play. The other lady shared with us her husbands “goal” to achieve 24 hours of continual copulation in one event. DW at that instant would have pulled the trap door and had us vaporize from their “play room” The last thing she has any desire to be is a whoopee cushion for some guys ego. It was pretty clear that his wife had zero interest in personal accommodating him for this record-setting copulation session.

Over the years, it seems that when the chemistry is there, the sparks will fly enough to start a good fire. When the mutual chemistry is not filling the air, no amount of ignition can start a fire.

[Pensacolapair]

Our experience has been that when invited to other's homes, they took the lead. We don't know whether it's universal, but that's always the way we approach it and conduct ourselves accordingly.

When we invite others to our home, we feel that we should take the lead...something that 'G' (our female half) has an exceptional talent for!! With 'experienced' couples, we've found that there's usually a high level of sexy flirting and suggestive banter that seems to move things toward playtime fairly quickly without much help. However, with 'newer' couples, the hot tub during cooler months or the pool during the warmer ones are both great ways to set a more relaxing and comfortable setting for the afore-mentioned flirting and suggestive chat to develop.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by prettylady

When you are invited to visit someones house who makes the first move?
I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone elses house, should the hosts dictate(to some extent) the movement of the night? If they were a regular play couple the I could see the first move being anyones, but first time?
What do you all think? Prettylady

This is a good thread !

Mrs fun and I were talking over breakfast this morning. Looking back now, we have more clarity about our first time at (their) house.

We attacked them !! In a way...

At least,.... compared to some of you diligent folks

It's not what you think. I mean, we had dinner and talked about swinging ( great dinner by the way) We talked about an hour. It was obvious we all wanted to go "all the way" from the conversations. Then they asked us to go to their downstairs play room. That was enough to insinuate SEX,, We told them we wanted to step outside for a minute first. (We had a plan about the "are you ready" talk)

When we joined them again downstairs. No one really said a word... we just went for them..

Mrs fun and him fell to the couch. Me and the wife, hit the floor (her move). There wasn't anything but moaning, groaning and giggling. We were so overcome from the experience. We really can't remember the departure conversation. It was more about thankfulness and gratitude.(we hope)

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't cold, cut and dry, or anything. Our next get together. I did the wifes hair, (trim, and dye/highlight)... We talked It also gave Mrs.fun and the husband "talk time" ... Then we went at it again... and again.. It seemed natural, everyone follows the leader no matter who starts. We have seen any of the three, or four of us, make the first move. Simultaneous combustion has happened..

The next time, with this same couple at our house. We seemed to get to talking way to long. Politely, I departed for the bathroom. I found myself in the bedroom on the way back and just yelled " Anyone want to come in here and get naked ? " (host responsibilities, right ? ) No one said another word. All three of them were half stripped when they came in the room... PILE UP...

Your all making us feel aggressive now...

I guess the thing is for us, as it turns out . We found out quick, to get over all the ho humming around, if ya want to play. We can get to the point of everyone agreeing to "Play Time"

There is a time for talking.. As hosts, and having been hosted. It has turned out the host, has been the one to insinuate play. If they don't, and we want to play, We will try at least ... Its one of those things you learn to feel the vibes.

[Brian and Jo]

When we are with our regular group of couples it does'nt matter who makes the first move. We all know each other so well that the evening just seems to flow naturally from the initial chatting, flirting and mingling to undressing and playing. But if we are with a new couple the hosts, whether that be them or us, always makes the first move. It seems to us that if we are meeting a couple for the first time at their place it is a bit presumptuous for us to initiate any sexual contact. We agree with the other comments about a hot tub being a great ice breaker. We have a hot tub in our basement. If we are hosting a new couple after we have chatted for a while we will suggest going in the tub. After the clothes come off and we are all naked together in the tub the rest just seems to follow.