Any of you guys been intimidated by a womans sexual past?

[Tncuple]

Have any of you (or your ) guys been intimidated when a women talks about her sexual past? We met a couple recently that we were considering swinging with, they were nice and very attractive. We went to dinner first to get to know each other a little bit. She started talking about swinging and said that they had been in the lifestyle about 5 years. Then she started talking about her college days and how she had orgys and sex parties almost every weekend, how she must have slept with at least 200 guys in college and another hundred or more since they started swinging. After dinner my hubby told me that he didnt know if he could perform with her, trying to live up to her past and all that. We have been with several couples and a few guys and he never had a problem but just didnt think it would work with her even though she was very attractive (so was the guy). Maybe she exaggerated or maybe not, but she really intimidated him.
If she hadnt talked about it so much I think everything would have been fine.
Has anyone else had this happen?
Carol

[Cpl2share]

A couple of times, yes. I used to get very upset when Mrs. Cpl talked about her sexual past. I have since matured, and will even ask her if she "did" this guy or that. Two things:

She may have been trying to make you feel more comfortable by saying that she likes all kinds and is open to anything. The wrong way to go about it? Maybe, but it may just be her way.

Second: Every person that you swing with is going to compare you in some way to someone else. Sometimes it will be good comparisson, sometimes not. If she doesn't like the way things went you probably will not play with them again. If she does, you will probably have the opportunity to play again. Does it matter? Nope. There are many more fish (smelling) things in the sea.

Bottom line: This is about fun. If it is uncomfortable, it is not fun. If you think that you can get past what MAY be in here head and just play the physical, go for it, if not, keep lookin.

[good times]

No, can't say I have ever been intimidated by a womans past sexual experiences. I guess that is because I look at it differently. I might be a bit of a bad example because I am a pretty self confident kind of guy. Not just with sex, I just have a self confident personality so the thought of not measuring up just doesn't occur to me when I am considering doing something, (it usually occurs to me in the hospital during my recovery from trying something new ).

Above disclaimer aside, when I have the opportunity to play with a woman with more experience than myself, (not unusual as I had only had 4 sex partners before we started swinging) I look at it as a bonus, in all likelihood I may get to learn something new. I also can't help thinking that with so many satisfied guys in her past she is probably going to be fun to play with. This is not to say that I haven't been with less experienced women that were fun, it is usually just different with someone more experienced. One of the side benefits of playing with a woman who is really fun in bed is that it is much easier for her to get my "A" game than it is when I am playing with someone who is less enthusiastic.

So in the end I guess it is just a matter of how one looks at it. Unfortunately, because of the way I look at it I can't really relate, so I can't really give any direct advice in this case. I only post this with the idea that maybe it will compel your husband to look at the situation from a different perspective.

[cubnamy1995]

If you had asked me this question 10 years ago, I would have said yes. I would be very intimidated. But now...not so much. Here's why:

The very first major argument Amy & I got into while we were dating was on this subject. I was the immature, insecure, naive 22 year old who had only been with two other women before her. She was more sexually experienced than I was. You can guess where the argument went.

I felt very insecure, feeling I wasn't going to "stack up" well to the others. She told me I was very good, but let's be honest. Of course you would say that to the person you love. It wasn't until later on that my view started to change. When we had our first FMF, the other girl was a drop-dead gorgeous blonde 22 year old who was quite experienced herself. I had been drinking, and certainly didn't bring my "A" game that night, but what I lacked in stamina that night I more than made up for with my oral talents (Guys, is that not your favorite thing in the world? I swear I could go down on a woman for hours on end if they would let me. I'd rather do that than breathe!). Anyway, after the deed was done, I was, again feeling self-conscious. At that point, the other girl turns to my wife and says, "Damn! You were right. He is good! Can I borrow him every once in a while?"

That little ego stroke was all I needed. Since then, I have been completely at peace with my own prowess. The way I see it is this. There are guys out there bigger than me. There are guys out there more experienced than me. But there is no one on earth who appreciates more than me the awesome gift a woman gives when she gives you her body, and I WILL show her my appreciation in my own way. I may be better than some, not as good as others. But I do things my way, and nobody else does it like me.

That's where I think we have to be mentally. I don't care if my skills are better or worse. They are unique, just like we all are. I'd rather concentrate on enjoying the experience, and let the chips fall where they may.

Trying to anticipate how you stack up to past lovers is like trying to predict the BCS in the preseason. The system is screwed up, so just take it one game at a time and let somebody else worry about where you stand. I can tell you with certainty that regardless of how good or bad a woman was in bed, I'm still damn thankful to get laid.

Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, its still pretty good.

[WesternSwing]

I've never had a woman's sexual past intimidate me at all... however, this woman you describe seemed to not have much in the manner department. What she was doing was bragging... and nobody likes a braggart. THAT would have been the turn-off for me.

Mr. WS

[clutch]

That's an interesting question.

Neither a woman's nor a guy's sexual past intimidates me in the slightest--why should it? But, on the other hand, the tone or attitude with which something is being said might make me uncomfortable. Or the setting, if inappropriate, might make certain topics repulsive. (Ie. If a person were an MD for instance, no one would want to hear the details of a surgery at the dinner table--even a very successful surgery, with the exception of maybe a colleague and no one else).

Not being there at your dinner party, I can only imagine, that your lady friend may have gotten a little tipsy, and may have been recounting sexual encounters not from a place of fun or reminisce, but rather from a place of pain-covering bravado. If this were the case, it would definitely make for a most uncomfortable evening.

In CA, we were at a party with 2 other couples on the bed, when one of the women orgasmed so we thought the ceiling would fall in--a definite show stopper. Then she started crying inconsolably. Her husband came over and very gently held her, got her dressed, and took her home, clearly just as confused as all the rest of us.

As it turned out, she had some pretty heavy duty baggage that had been repressed (which for some reason, of all the nights, that particular orgasm triggered it)-- and she herself wasn't even aware of it. As it turned out, with a little bit of counseling and the support of a very loving husband, got through it just fine. She was a forthright and honest soul, who had a lot of courage, and wasn't afraid to confront and deal with reality. Interestingly, but not so surprisingly, they stopped swinging.

I say all of that to say, you just may have been hearing the weight of the baggage as she recounted her sexual forays, and that's what made you uncomfortable.

Just a guess, though.

[iapr]

I am not sure if intimidation would be an issue so much as lack of chemistry and interest. I may be a little more old fashioned than I care to think I am but I think if I was placed in that position I may be a little turned off.

My thoughts are if someone is screwing that many people quality must not be a very big issue and you know some of those people would have to be downright gross. Also I would have to assume that many of the expeirences were also pretty shallow and meaningless and that is not what we are looking for in our experiences.

I like to tell myself that I am more enlightened and nonjudmental than to think lesser of someone just because they have had a lot of partners over the years but that is pretty over the top. I could not help but to think that someone must have some kind of issues going in if they are screwing that many people.

I have the feeling that the real concern may not be could I live up to her to expectations but more rather could I live DOWN to them cause obviously her bar is not raised that high.

Perhaps what it boils down to is that we all want to feel somewhat special when we are with someone and the real question is will we feel special with someone that has screwed over 300 people and we know we are number 315 or 316 and not really so much that will we be able to please someone that has been with so many.

I think a real valid concern would be if someone that promiscuous even can be pleased. I can't help but think someone screwing that many people is searching for something they can't find and are not willing to invest any time or energy into any one person for any length of time.

[Irishsakura]

OMG Cubnamy! I am totally turned on by what you said! Way to go!

[graygo98]

A woman that has had a lot of experience is a much more attractive lover to me than one with limited experience. In fact, I would be more leery of a partner with no or very limited experience. They wouldn't be as likely to have that sexual self-confidence that is so damned appealing, and the risk of drama seems much higher.

People who recite their scorecard, though, are a bit of a drag.

[des1re06]

I have two different sides to this issue. First of all, when the Mrs. and I start having these converstions I realize it is her past. We all have them! Some of the stories she shares I get bummed out but it is because I wasn't there with her at the time, not because I'm jealous or have a problem. Just the opposite, it greatly turns me on. Hell, I have stories too, some of them were pretty wild, but again, they were in the past. If we had met earlier in life who knows where we'd be now. Lucky for us, we met when we did and allow each other to be ourselves.
From the swapping perspective, we feel that learning about the other couples past is important. If the other couple are players and are into "bed notching" then the risk of STDs increases and we need to know so as we are comfortable in knowing what limits need to be in place.

Mr. D

[JustAskJulie]

[MrkLin]

Intimidated? No. Impressed? No. Put off? Maybe.

NEXT!

[Greg & Sheryl]

Envy, not initimidation, is what we would be feeling if we had a conversation with a woman with such a wild past.

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by des1re06

I have two different sides to this issue. First of all, when the Mrs. and I start having these converstions I realize it is her past. We all have them! Some of the stories she shares I get bummed out but it is because I wasn't there with her at the time, not because I'm jealous or have a problem. Just the opposite, it greatly turns me on. Hell, I have stories too, some of them were pretty wild, but again, they were in the past. If we had met earlier in life who knows where we'd be now. Lucky for us, we met when we did and allow each other to be ourselves.
From the swapping perspective, we feel that learning about the other couples past is important. If the other couple are players and are into "bed notching" then the risk of STDs increases and we need to know so as we are comfortable in knowing what limits need to be in place.
Mr. D

I agree.

The context of the conversation would be a factor in how felt about it. I don't think I would worry about wether I could live up to her past partners. Tells me she likes sex and that's a good thing. Her having that many, I know I wouldn't be the worst anyway.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by iapr

I am not sure if intimidation would be an issue so much as lack of chemistry and interest. I may be a little more old fashioned than I care to think I am but I think if I was placed in that position I may be a little turned off.

My thoughts are if someone is screwing that many people quality must not be a very big issue and you know some of those people would have to be downright gross. Also I would have to assume that many of the expeirences were also pretty shallow and meaningless and that is not what we are looking for in our experiences.

I like to tell myself that I am more enlightened and nonjudmental than to think lesser of someone just because they have had a lot of partners over the years but that is pretty over the top. I could not help but to think that someone must have some kind of issues going in if they are screwing that many people.

I have the feeling that the real concern may not be could I live up to her to expectations but more rather could I live DOWN to them cause obviously her bar is not raised that high.

Perhaps what it boils down to is that we all want to feel somewhat special when we are with someone and the real question is will we feel special with someone that has screwed over 300 people and we know we are number 315 or 316 and not really so much that will we be able to please someone that has been with so many.

I think a real valid concern would be if someone that promiscuous even can be pleased. I can't help but think someone screwing that many people is searching for something they can't find and are not willing to invest any time or energy into any one person for any length of time.

I had to laugh at myself (usually other people are laughing at me instead) I read the OP and collected my thoughts and then as I scolled down through the responses I came across this one and it summed up my thoughts perfectly

I guess I should have looked at the date first.