I heard they are swingers....

[JustAskJulie]

Today I was at the office and when talking to a co-worker referred to someone as "interesting". He says "be careful when you refer to someone as interesting.... I just learned that some friends of mine have .. shall we say... a loose marriage.. that's just ewww". My response: "Well to each their own I suppose."

So, what are your stories of dealing with people talking about others being swingers? And how did you respond?

[daisy girl]

It is interesting how judgemental people can be. A similar thing happened to my husband. Co-workers were talking about sex outside of marriage and he just smiled and excused himself.

I wonder what would happen if people really knew that swingers were regular people. I think the earth may explode.

[cubnamy1995]

We were going out for New Years Eve. We dropped off the kids at my in-laws. While there, my mother-in-law asked me, "so whose party aer you going to?" I told her they were some "friends I knew from work." She said, "well be careful. You never know. It may be one of those swinger parties."

In fact, we were going to a house party. Now to really let the taste of this roll around in your mouth, keep in mind that my father-in-law is a minister. We have never said or did anything to even remotely indicate that we may have a disposition to that sort of thing.

I said, "ha-ha. Yeah, that would go over really well taking your daughter to a swinger party" and dismissed it.

To this day, my wife and I wonder where she came up with that. Maybe something about her past we were unaware of?

[WesternSwing]

We've had our neighbors make an off-hand comment once about swingers. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it wasn't durgatory, more of a joke, but we kinda' wondered if maybe he wasn't doing what I call "flogginbushin" - beating the bush to see what flies out - to see what, if any, our reaction would be.

At a previous place of employment where Mrs. WS and I worked together we had a coworker who used to work with Mrs. WS at another company also, tell some others about a couple at the other company that are swingers. We just kept our mouth shut since the reason Mrs. WS worked there to begin with is because we met them in the lifestyle and had many a great time with them and when Mrs. WS found herself suddenly unemployed they got her a position where they worked.

Another situation with the same coworker... one time Mrs. WS was coming back from lunch (at their previous place of employment) and he was talking with another guy in the parking lot (both recently married by the way) and he said to Mrs. WS "How do you and your husband keep things exciting after so many years?" to which Mrs. WS replied "We just throw another woman into the mix now and then." I became a god to him that day.

Then when we were working all together an account representative from a vendor was in the office and we were all chatting and the acct. rep pipes-up after a comment we made "Are you guys swingers?!" to which our coworker replied "No, their not swingers, they just do threesomes with women!". I kinda' always thought it was one in the same, myself.

Then another time at band camp...

Mr. WS

[Shynquiet]

I actually had a similar situation with a good friend of mine, who is also a co-worker of mine. We were talking about another ex-coworker that used to work with us. I don't even know how it was brought up but we were talking about this other girl and my friend flat out told me that this girl and her husband have had other partners. From what she said, this wasn't the first and only time for this girl. My friend has the similar "eewwww" reaction. I haven't said much other than, "Whatever floats their boat." But the thing that gets me the most is that my friend has brought the subject up more than once. Makes me wonder if she's actually interested in the idea but doesn't want me to think bad of her or am I just reading too much into this? She has no clue about me and hubby but I'm afraid of ruining the friendship or having rumors fly around work if I mistakenly let something slip. Either way I'm not willing to risk the friendship over it.

[Spoomonkey]

My favorite story comes from about two weeks ago.

There was a time when a rumor circulated about us at work (still does with the family, though we are successfully quashing it). But apparently, the work rumor died off.

The other day I was talking to a co-worker. We talk about sex and relationships all the time (hers is a mess) and she knows that we go out to party a LOT. I was talking to her about our upcoming weekend and she said something about "don't do something I wouldn't do."

"Like pile-ups?" I asked.

"Yeah right." She said. "I'd believe that if I didn't know you."

"What do you mean?"

"You and [Mrs. Spoomonkey*] are too in love to do things like that."

It was kind of cool to hear her say that - but at the same time I wanted to tell her that that is the very reason why we can do things like that...

Instead, I just let the misconception serve as protection. After all - we did end up in a pile-up

Spoomonkey

*Of course, no one calls her "Mrs Spoomonkey" at work...

[ts4]

I find it kind of ironic when i hear stuff like this because i know for a fact that most of the people that come up with these comments are jealous of the whole thing.

Like Daisy Girl said the world just might slip off it's axis if the REAL truth about *everyone's* hidden desires were exposed. There are very few people out there that can say they haven't had a secret fantasy once in there lifetime. All you need is a little push and even that's saying a lot.

[dayhiker]

I at first thought I didn’t have a story as my wife and I have never swung nor will we as she isn’t interested. But then I remembered that I was out to lunch with a couple of guys that like to talk about sexual things. One guy, 30ish, is telling about how he has always had a guys night out even when he had a gf. He would try to pick up a girl and thought nothing of it. He even lied about his activities if the gf asked. But with the current gf its bothered him if he picks up a woman.

So I said, well if you were a swinger, then you could be honest and still get some extra. Boy did that quite them. Its amazing how our society prefers the dishonesty to working out what will work for each relationship.

dayhiker

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by ts4

I find it kind of ironic when i hear stuff like this because i know for a fact that most of the people that come up with these comments are jealous of the whole thing.

Like Daisy Girl said the world just might slip off it's axis if the REAL truth about *everyone's* hidden desires were exposed. There are very few people out there that can say they haven't had a secret fantasy once in there lifetime. All you need is a little push and even that's saying a lot.

I agree. I think people ask questions and say "ewww" to get a reaction and see what you think. Like politics. "Do you like candidate bubblehead for Senate?" "hell no" says the next person. "Me either" says the person who initiated the conversation. If the second person had said "Yeah, I think bubblehead is where it's at" the first person would probably say, "yeah, me too."

I think it's natural for people to bring up contraversal topics as a question because people don't want to be seen as outsiders. Most people want to be "like the Joneses" and not rock the boats. It takes a lot of gonades just to say what's on your mind and not give a crap what the reaction is.

The more I learn about folks who enjoy "sharing" as I do, the more I think most people would be open to the idea if they could just be completely honest and open with their SO.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by cubnamy1995

To this day, my wife and I wonder where she came up with that. Maybe something about her past we were unaware of?

It may have had nothing to do with you guys... maybe they once went to a party that turned out to be more than they expected....

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Then another time at band camp...

Mr. WS

That would be Swinger Camp! Which reminds me of another story entirely but that's off the subject.

[Mr. Truelove]

The people at my work have some amazing playdar or something. Two co-workers have mentioned swinging to me. One does it almost every week in one form or another and it's always derogatory. The other has mentioned it twice saying we were going to go out with our "swapping friends." He was correct both times and thats the only two times we have. So he is batting a perfect record.

I keep playing each one off pretty well. But the guy that has mentioned it twice has got me thinking about how he is so suspicious. It was so out of the blue.

Mr. Truelove

[biblonde]

Well...I have a couple.

The first was a couple years ago my hubby and some of his workers were standing around talking and it was about the time all the swinging stuff was being talked about on tv. They were all pretty bad about it saying stuff like "How a man that would allow his wife to be with other men is nothing but a CHUMP" and it went downhill from there. My hubby just kept his mouth shut and didnt say anything but it effected him for a while. We almost got out of swinging all the way since at the time we had just started getting into it.

The second is more than once (again while this was on TV all the time) at work (yes I am a bratt at work) I have had co-workers say "you seem pretty wild bet you and hubby swing!!" I just laughed at them and said what ever...or made some other smart ass remark. They still bring it up once in a while. Or they tell me there is a rumor about that..mostly it is them trying to get a reaction to see if it is true or not.

[getnit2gethr]

I was out drinking with a good friend and I must have said something I shouldn't have because he said, "you want to be a swinger, don't you"? I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with me swinging but I'm not allowed to tell him. I simply replied by saying, "that would be fun"! That was the last I heard about it from him (months ago). He has definitely witnessed some slightly odd behavior on our part over time. He's a very intuitive person and I suspect he might know we're swingers. I also suspect he might know that I can't say anything (maybe). That would explain why he doesn't ask anymore.

I can only think of one person I talk to regularly who would say something negative about swinging if the subject were to come up. We'll try to make sure that that doesn't happen.

My wife and another drinking buddy of mine were approached not too long ago in a vanilla setting by a guy who said he seen them at some lifestyle events before, lol. My friend was dumbfounded and my wife later had a private conversation with the "idiot" informing him that that wasn't cool. I guess it's all forgotten now.

I keep predicting to my wife that someday we won't care who knows anymore. We'll see.

[sexypairca]

We may not visit this board often but catch up on reading when possible. This thread is comforting because just last week a new coworker stuck her foot in her mouth without even knowing.

Now in her defense she seems very nice but we've only been working together for about a month and I'm not one to share my "hobbies" with new people unless they directly ask. Most people are in the know and it doesn't bother me but I don't exactly advertise at work. That said, she was talking about her evening cruising cyber space and talking to someone online which lead to playing around on cam. Later in their interactions she found out he was a swinger and was very put off.

That morning at work her rants consisted of how gross swingers are and she couldn't believe that any decent person would do such a thing. For those of you who have met me you may be able to appreciate the self restraint that it took to just shut up. My big come back was basically to each their own and you never know what people are up to in their personal lives, with a little smirk on my face of course. As rumor mills go, I'm sure she'll taste that foot one day. I just had to laugh.