Natural Progression? Ads to Clubs?

[VanHlebar]

MrsVan and I had a discussion over the weekend. We have been in the lifestyle now for about a year and things have been constantly evolving during this time. The last couple of times out MrsVan has found it incredibly hot to have sex in the public play rooms or group rooms. I have always been a bit of an exhibitionist but she is just discovering this side of her.

This led us to the discussion of our local clubs and wanting to start attending them more frequently. If things don't work out well we can stil have sex with each other. We have always known this but just weren't very comfortable with the clubs. Now we want to just get out to make meeting new folks easier. So do you folks find that after being in the lifestyle for awhile that you tend to gravitate more to the clubs and less with the profiles?

Just curious.

-Van

[WesternSwing]

I'd say we don't do much with the websites anymore other than use them to keep in touch with others. We've been in the lifestyle now long enough that we know, or know of most of the active swingers in our area, so we are not meeting anyone new through the sites. So we tend to go to clubs and house parties, mostly for the social aspect of it, and if we get to be with someone, great!

Mr. WS

[38and9]

Hey dere Van!

I think that you are on target with the natural progression of things. We've done group play and public rooms in the past. Doing so was indeed an alternative to the "pain" of chancing SLS or other site connections. Don't get me wrong.....we've had some successes online, but we've endured the fakes as well. What we've also found is that group rooms are more conducive to less personal involvements. Involvements for the "moment", if you will. We've had some good times, but they've mainly been tantamount to essentially one night stands without them being all night. LOL

We have met some longer lasting connections in these group sessions that were more than just a one-nighter, but that required more chat after we finished fucking.......say at the club bar. Then again, there were the times when that kind of chat was not practical because the participants kept fucking ALL damned night. LOL

So to answer your question, I say yes it is a natural progression. I also say that you and Mrs Van will discover a comfort level with meeting, and "performing" that is right for you both.

[good times]

It really didn't progress that way for us as we actually started going to the clubs before we placed any online adds. Once we did place the adds we found out a lot about ourselves and after a short time we were able to compare the difference between clubs and adds to see which was working better for us. By far the clubs work better for us than the adds do. It has actually worked out for us a lot like it has for WesternSwing, our add is more useful for keeping in touch with the people we met first at the clubs than it is for making new contacts. What we learned about ourselves through the add experience is that we really just don't have time for it. It takes a lot of time and effort to make the online add method of meeting people work. We just don't have that kind of time, we go to the clubs and it is rare that we couldn't hook up with someone if we wanted to. With the adds we found that we spent a lot of time corresponding with people, then went to meet a few of them and less than 30% of the time would it lead to sex. So had we done it the other way around and used the adds first, I can see how we probably would have progressed much the same as you seem to be.

[rpu3]

We are similarly situation to you and MrsVan. We prefer the club over the ads anymore, and have pulled down one of our ads for the time being.

I find socializing at the club easier that socializing with a new couple, given that I am introverted. There is less pressure at a club to have to carry on a conversation. I never enjoyed spending time and money meeting someone off an ad site and finding out you don't click and can't communicate, and yet you are stuck there through that drink or dinner. At the club, one can politely excuse themselves and move on.

And of course, I can play with the spousal unit at the club should we not meet anyone. It doesn't even matter if we meet anyone, we just go and have fun and see what happens.

[bigjoehd]

Originally Posted by rpu3

spousal unit

Awesome

[seacupl]

We would have to agree with the theory of progression from ads to swing clubs. We had some success meeting couples on-line (due to pretty intense screening), but it's such a slow process......since we have kids, we don't have the opportunity to get out that much

At the club, everyone knows why they're there. Generally (and I do mean generally) they are willing to have sex that night (vs those that won't do it on the first date). Plus there are absolutely no surprises - you know what you're getting.

[JustAskJulie]

Actually, I think for us it's probably been the opposite although not really. We started with socials and clubs and enjoy exactly what you are talking about. When we started our ad the only way we would meet anyone is at a club/social we were already attending (mostly due to lack of time). Now that we are together more we have more time to meet so we are a little (only a little) more likely to meet a couple one on one (still really only for drinks - but that's another discussion). We just find the clubs route simpler with less obstacles.

[two42lovers]

Interesting discussion. We've been to a few clubs, but all are far away. We meet all our playmates through the web.

The idea of a club full of couples all there for the same thing sounds good, but is that really the case? We've read a lot of posts by club-goers complaining about large numbers of "looky-loos" who take your time but have no intention of playing. Our limited experience with clubs is along the same lines. We didn't see much swapping. It was pretty clear most couples only played with each other, or didn't play at all. Of course, this is only antidotal, but our experience seems in line with what many club-goers are saying. Every time we've gone to a club we went with friends - and played - but we've never connected with a new-to-us couple at a club (although we certainly have tried -lol!)

The notion of evolving techniques for meeting people is intriguing. We definitely have improved our skills meeting people via the web as we've gained experience. We've gravitated toward ongoing connections - seeing playmates we enjoy again and again. We like adding new playmates, and do so regularly, but the majority of our play dates are with existing friends. We like having "fuck buddies" as opposed to constant one night stands - we've learned the sex gets better with repeated encounters.

So we can go to a club where we might or might not find anyone, or meet someone brand new-to-us for a drink, or we can call and get together with another couple (or two or three...) and have sex. It isn't a hard choice for us.