When it feels like work

[girlsnboys]

When we first started swinging I was very into it, emailing researching cross checking with my husband - organizing meets, making sure I called people etc.

Lately I feel so apatheitc about it, and its starting to feel like work to me. We went out to vanilla gathering the other night and it just felt like a relief. I have shared some of the responsiblity on to my partner, but I shudder to say that...responsiblity? what happened to having fun? I'm hoping that this is a phase that people go through when in the lifestyle, and things will re-settle. i'm super nervous that i may not be cut out for this, now that my partner is so into it,

Just airing this makes me feel a little better. thanks for reading.

[TheSwingerSet]

Mrs girlsnboys, Yeah we have gone through this as well and we still do from time to time. When we feel this way we have a sure fire cure that works for us. We are off-premesis club owners, we run a web site and plan parties all year long, this can get old quickly and wear on our nerves, the way we have found to get past this is to take some time and go to other events. It's so easy with the web, we click on a clubs website sign up for a party get a room at a near by motel and go and have fun, we meet some new people, chat with the hosts who know exactly where we are coming from, if we find some people to get busy with great and if not we have each other and a very low stress weekend.

The nice thing about going to an off-premesis club function is that there is no pressure to do anything, we dont have to spend hours going over profiles, marking the ones we find interesting for our SO to check, no e-mails or IM's to deal with, we can just relax and have fun.

While the web and sites like Swing Lifestyle are a great resource, they are work to some degree and parties are too, but much less and where else can you meet 30 new couples in one night.

K

[tribbles]

You are in SoCal....go to Club Listings here and find a party to go to...it's a lot easier than weeding thru profiles.

[clutch]

"Whatever gets you through the night.... it's all right... it's all right.

John Lennon

Variety, even between swinging and vanilla, is not only normal, but wise.

Well done!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by girlsnboys

When we first started swinging I was very into it, emailing researching cross checking with my husband - organizing meets, making sure I called people etc.

Lately I feel so apatheitc about it, and its starting to feel like work to me. We went out to vanilla gathering the other night and it just felt like a relief. I have shared some of the responsiblity on to my partner, but I shudder to say that...responsiblity? what happened to having fun? I'm hoping that this is a phase that people go through when in the lifestyle, and things will re-settle. i'm super nervous that i may not be cut out for this, now that my partner is so into it,

Just airing this makes me feel a little better. thanks for reading.

Yes, I know just how you feel! It can be a chore to have to sit down and go through the emails, check the profiles, etc. Sometimes, you just don't feel like it! Where we live, that's about all we have (no clubs around here). I think that the profile searching, emailing, and "dating" would wear anybody down after awhile.

What we do - take a break every now and then. We actually are on a break right now for several reasons (mostly medical; I recently had surgery), and it's a relief in many ways! When we're on break, we turn off our profiles (make them invisible). People we're in regular contact with, we just drop them a line and let them know we're out of circulation for awhile.

Don't be afraid to take a break whenever you need it. Needing a break doesn't mean you're not cut out for it.

[oncewere]

Some Army officers are in a staff car going to a meeting. The talk turns to sex and the General, somewhat older, ventures that sex is 80% work and 20% pleasure. The Major, younger, says he thinks it's about 50-50, The young Lieutenant figures that it's only 20% work and 80% pleasure. They ask the Corporal who is driving the car what he thinks. He says "You are all wrong. Sex is 100% pleasure."

The officers look at him and ask why he thinks that.

He responds: "If there were any work at all to it you officers would have us enlisted men doing it for you."

Not exactly on topic but I couldn't resist.

[JustAskJulie]

This is what amazes me about the club owners/hosts. How do you do it?! I can barely plan 2 weeks in advance without it feeling like work! I think that is one reason we enjoy just going to the clubs when we can vs trying to meet people one on one (to us that just seems like a lot of work for potential let down).

[wewannabebad2]

We know how you feel and we haven't even swung *hmmm...is that a word?* yet. It is alot of work especially if you don't see ANYTHING fun or exciting coming from all that work.*s* Just take a step back, relax, unwind. If swinging still interests you you'll come back when your ready.

[ownerspet]

I have a slightly different perspective on this. As Julie pointed out, it is less work to meet people in the clubs or at socials, than over the internet. I definitily agree with this.

However, we are in a somewhat unique lifestyle, and many of us are looking for hook ups and many of us are looking for freinds too. Regardless of what you're looking for as a couple or as a single, most people want to find people they are at least comfortable with even if they are just hooking up. So to hang out with, engage in sex, or be freinds, some level of comfort has to be attained even if it is for the one night of partying. And just like any interaction in life in general it requires some amount of effort.

Most lifestyles are generally accepted by society in general, so if they wanted a tatoo on their forhead, so what. It could be "I smoke a crack pipe on my day off". I might get some odd looks, but not many are going to say much about it, even if they thought I was drug addict.

On the flip side, this would be great if me and my wife could walk through the mall (without fear of creating religous rally in the bible belt or numorous rumors boardering on a sex scandal) with T-Shirts on that said "We're swingers, if you're swingers too, talk to us, maybe we can hook-up or be Freinds." But, because of the mental hang ups about marriage and sexual beliefs, many swingers feel the need to be discreet about the lifestyle.

Meeting people with similar interests in this lifestyle is similar to finding acquaintance/freinds in any lifestyle. Accept there is one thing that adds a large amount of work for some people, depending on their situation. It is the need for discretion, while we can ask the co-workers or just people in general at a vanilla setting (which lets face it are more plentiful)"do you play golf?", "do you fish?", "wanna grab a beer?", without people thinking twice. If we looked at people we met outside of the neopolitan lifestyle (aka the vanilla world) and said, "me and the mrs were wondering if you and your wife would be interested in getting naked and having some fun?", we might not be accepted by not only the couple you are asking, but also by anyone in the general society which we live in.

This brings me here: It is effort or work to meet people for acquaintences, freinds, similar interests, and sexual activity. It is definitly more effort or work to be discreet, to meet people for acquaintences, freinds, similar interests, and sexual activities. Primarily because there are 3 options to try to ensure that you are being discreet, 1. On the internet (user beware) 2. Socials or Clubs (at least the people there are typically there for the same reason, so the chances of being outed are lower than a vanilla setting) or 3. through some other freinds that are also in the lifestyle and they know some other lifestyle participants.

The options for remaining discrete in the lifestyle limit the avenues for meeting lifestyle participants, and thus create more work in meeting other lifestyle participants. Because we are typically used to meeting people without discretion, it typically doesn't seem like work to some of us, so when you throw in the discretion factor it appears to be work. However, as complicated as this sounds, I do beleive the clubs/socials are definitly less work, but I still see profiles on line, that our mood that day or enthusiasm out-weighs the feeling of work.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by girlsnboys

When we first started swinging I was very into it, emailing researching cross checking with my husband - organizing meets, making sure I called people etc.

I'm super nervous that I may not be cut out for this, now that my partner is so into it,

Just airing this makes me feel a little better. thanks for reading.

I have to say, it looks like your carrying the load here. Maybe I am seeing this wrong, but I hope you can share how you feel with Mr.girlsnboys. Does he know how you feel ? I couldn't say it would be fun if your the only one doing all the work. I'm not trying to say anything bad about Mr.girlsnboys because we do switch back and forth. Sometimes its Mrs.funs planning and sometimes its my responsibility to take care of some of the work and planning. Its best when we both are together on all of it, sometimes life just doesn't work that way. Even so, there are couples that one or the other has the lead and carries the load and that works fine for them. We aren't like that, we are switch hitters sometimes or together. It wouldn't work very well for us, if just one were doing all the planning. We have too much vanilla life going on .

Would it be possible to ask Mr.girlsnboys to take the reins a few times, and give you a chance to just (go with the flow).

Yes we do go through phases in swinging. It is easiest to just go to a club to find future playmates and leave out the work. Then again like us, having a small circle of friends works out a little more convenient as well. Sometimes we just take a break from the chase and enjoy ourselves. Its in our profile that if we travel, we have plan (B) for ourselves. In case things don't work out between everyone. We have no regrets if thats the case, we like each other sexually, and like to do things non swinging as well. Its one of the things we found works for us, WE COME FIRST IN ALL OF THIS.

I have to leave out club owners and people like Julie, who have a different responsibility with the lifestyle. That would be something that if we were to be committed to organizing an event or get together. Yes, then things would take a different priority. If we make commitments like they do, other things would have to take second place. There is a very big difference between being in the business and just being swingers, I would think.

[tittietwister]

It is a lot of work and in our case, with a much lower return on imvestment than I anticipated or would tolerate if we compared it to a financial investment. The division of labor issue is a point of contention among us as well. I do it all and therefore am implicitly responsible for the outcomes for both of us.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by ownerspet

I have a slightly different perspective on this. As Julie pointed out, it is less work to meet people in the clubs or at socials, than over the internet. I definitily agree with this.

However, we are in a somewhat unique lifestyle, and many of us are looking for hook ups and many of us are looking for freinds too. Regardless of what you're looking for as a couple or as a single, most people want to find people they are at least comfortable with even if they are just hooking up. So to hang out with, engage in sex, or be freinds, some level of comfort has to be attained even if it is for the one night of partying. And just like any interaction in life in general it requires some amount of effort.

Most lifestyles are generally accepted by society in general, so if they wanted a tatoo on their forhead. It could be "I smoke a crack pipe on my day off". I might get some odd looks, but not many are going to say much about it, even if they thought I was drug addict.

On the flip side, this would be great if me and my wife could walk through the mall (without fear of creating religous rally in the bible belt or numorous rumors boardering on a sex scandal) with T-Shirts on that said "We're swingers, if you're swingers too, talk to us, maybe we can hook-up or be Freinds." But, because of the mental hang ups about marriage and sexual beliefs, many swingers feel the need to be discreet about the lifestyle.

Meeting people with similar interests in this lifestyle is similar to finding acquaintance/freinds in any lifestyle. Accept there is one thing that adds a large amount of work for some people, depending on their situation. It is the need for discretion, while we can ask the co-workers or just people in general at a vanilla setting (which lets face it are more plentiful)"do you play golf?", "do you fish?", "wanna grab a beer?", without people thinking twice. If we looked at people we met outside of the neopolitan lifestyle (aka the vanilla world) and said, "me and the mrs were wondering if you and your wife would be interested in getting naked and having some fun?", we might not be accepted by not only the couple you are asking, but also by anyone in the general society which we live in.

This brings me here: It is effort or work to meet people for acquaintences, freinds, similar interests, and sexual activity. It is definitly more effort or work to be discreet, to meet people for acquaintences, freinds, similar interests, and sexual activities. Primarily because there are 3 options to try to ensure that you are being discreet, 1. On the internet (user beware) 2. Socials or Clubs (at least the people there are typically there for the same reason, so the chances of being outed are lower than a vanilla setting) or 3. through some other freinds that are also in the lifestyle and they know some other lifestyle participants.

The options for remaining discrete in the lifestyle limit the avenues for meeting lifestyle participants, and thus create more work in meeting other lifestyle participants. Because we are typically used to meeting people without discretion, it typically doesn't seem like work to some of us, so when you throw in the discretion factor it appears to be work. However, as complicated as this sounds, I do beleive the clubs/socials are definitly less work, but I still see profiles on line, that our mood that day or enthusiasm out-weighs the feeling of work.

Hear, hear! I was going to post something similar. I keep reading/hearing everyone talk about how much "work" it is to meet other people. Maybe it's because I'm really still just a newbie, or maybe it's because we've just been incredibly lucky. But I've yet to feel that any of our efforts to meet others have been what I would call "work". YES, a little effort must be expended to meet others to play with. And the more you want out if it (possible friendships), the more effort it's likely to take, simply because we can't just walk up to someone in the supermarket and ask.

You can't get something for nothing . . .

That said, Girlsnboys, I think that if you're not enjoying swinging for whatever reason, taking a break is a good thing. That doesn't mean you're not cut out for it at all. I just means you need a break. Enjoy your time "off".

=)

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

I have to leave out club owners and people like Julie, who have a different responsibility with the lifestyle. That would be something that if we were to be committed to organizing an event or get together. Yes, then things would take a different priority. If we make commitments like they do, other things would have to take second place. There is a very big difference between being in the business and just being swingers, I would think.

I definately wouldn't put myself in the same category as a club owner... then again I guess when I think about it they obviously feel about running a club the same way I feel about running this site - that it's not work.

There have been days (even months) where it has felt like a job to me, where my heart wasn't in it. And those who have been here for years have most likely noticed and could tell. When it starts to feel like work to me I take a break and pull back. There are things I HAVE to do here to keep the site up and running but there are other things I can pull back from and take a break from. I guess in that way I feel like my job is a little easier than a club owners. I can take a break. But a club owner. If their club is open they have to show up with their game face on. They can't just cancel events or close for a weekend because they don't feel like showing up that week... and even if they did it once, if they did it more than one night I think they would see the reprecussions of it a lot faster than I do here. Luckily, for me, this site is not about me, it's about everyone here and it REALLY is all the great people who participate here that make the site what it is, so that even without me it's a great place that a lot of people enjoy coming to.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

This is what amazes me about the club owners/hosts. How do you do it?!

I'll agree with that! It's one thing to put together the occasional party, but to do it every month, or more often in some cases, is just amazing. Add that to the fact that by hosting/owning the club, your play-time possibilities have been cut even more.

A big shout-out to all the owners & hosts that make it happen. You rock!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I'll agree with that! It's one thing to put together the occasional party, but to do it every month, or more often in some cases, is just amazing. Add that to the fact that by hosting/owning the club, your play-time possibilities have been cut even more.

A big shout-out to all the owners & hosts that make it happen. You rock!

Agreed, I don't know how they do it, either. to all the club owners/hosts out there!

=)