What makes a man let another man fuck his wife?

[lott]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

Well, I can assure you most swingers doesn't swing as a sexual therapy, and if you look around in the Forums, you'll notice most of us advice against attempting to swing as a therapy or resort to work around the sexuality problems the couple may have.

.

What wyandly is saying doesn't sound like a person who's using sex for therapy, it sounds like he is using sex to let his wife explore her sexual side which gives HIM more pleasure because she can be more open to him physically and emotionally.

[lott]

Here's an excerpt from an article I was reading about sexual energy and it had something that I feel could relate to this subject:

http://www.asiatour.com/unfaithfulness.htm

The surest way to do away with a man's desire for a particular woman, is to let him just have this women for a prolonged period of time. Which is where the parallelism between chocolate and women ends.

For the surest way to preserve a man's desire for a particular woman is not for the man to sleep with other woman every now and then, but to have the woman be engaged with another man.

That wakes him up.

But for tapping into the great pool of sexual energy one can derive from one's partner's unfaithfulness, it is necessary that this unfaithfulness happens on the basis of trust.

To build trust, unfaithfulness should be extensively discussed before it is implemented. To start with, each one will have to verbally admit sexual fantasies that go beyond one's established partner. Such fantasies should be related in detail. And be sure that they shake and provoke the listening partner at least as profoundly as they do the one who's original fantasies they are.

In some cases, especially of younger people, just to discuss each other's intended unfaithfulness may already be as much as each can stomach.

But to really experience a new dimension of all-engulfing sexual desire, one will have to do it: see one's permanent partner in excited sexual play with another person, or even join in.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by lott

What wyandly is saying doesn't sound like a person who's using sex for therapy, it sounds like he is using sex to let his wife explore her sexual side which gives HIM more pleasure because she can be more open to him physically and emotionally.

Thank you for rewording that. I was reading it the same way Sereneiders read it. I know i was extremly reluctant with my sexuality for 34 years. I never learned to open up sexually until Dog came along. If it wasn't for him encouraging me to open up sexually then I may have NEVER experienced a G-spot orgasm. How sad is that?
I had fantasys that remained bottled up inside, but with the freedom associated with this type of lifestyle I am thinking of pushing the envelop a little farther. I know Dog is enjoying watching me grow into my sexuality...if for no other reason then he is my number one guinee pig
I think I should have read the hotwife thread first before answering here.I hope I made sence to you all.
Your rambling friend,
Prettylady

[wyandly]

Thanks guys for the rewording, I wish I could have been that clear to begin with. I agree with you sereneider, swinging isnt therapy, and shouldn't be used as such (if I'm going to take the advice given on this forum seriously). I was just suggesting that there is much to be gained from the female half learning to expand and experiment with her sexuality. And I was offering as proof that the opposite is true as well; guys experience relationship difficulty when the SO cant feel like her sexual experience is something she can control and steer. Thats all i was trying to say.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by Roundstic

Just wondering why a man would let another man fuck his wife?

I am know for making things more complicated than they have to be. But I can answer this one in one word. Vanity. I think to myself, "Look at her. Another man finds her desirable. She is desirable."

M

[guruii]

Spoo said it correctly, but I find there is a bit more...

(Background: I met wife when she was 32. I had several dozen lovers by then but I was her first)

I realized from the begining of dating that a man can not be everything sexually for a woman. There will be times when she desires a longer or shorter or fatter or thinner dick. She will want someone faster or slower, rougher or easier. I could go on for hours here. After 16 years of being together I wanted her to experience more out of life than just what I could give her. I also knew that she got off giving me a BJ as well as when we had intercourse. Here I knew I could not do both things to her at the same time, yet did not want to deprive her of the experience. (To this point, that specific experience has been her most body shaking orgasm.)

The lifestyle to us is about sharing. Sharing each other(with others). Sharing the experience(s). Sharing the intensness of the situation(s). And later, sharing what we did and was done to us that we found we enjoyed so that we could use it to enhance our own sex lives with each other.

Chris & Linda

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by wyandly

Thanks guys for the rewording, I wish I could have been that clear to begin with. I agree with you sereneider, swinging isnt therapy, and shouldn't be used as such (if I'm going to take the advice given on this forum seriously). I was just suggesting that there is much to be gained from the female half learning to expand and experiment with her sexuality. And I was offering as proof that the opposite is true as well; guys experience relationship difficulty when the SO cant feel like her sexual experience is something she can control and steer. Thats all i was trying to say.

I see your point, however, why do you suppose the same doesn't apply to the male half? I agree, there is a cultural context teaching women not to explore their sexuality, hence talking about "the female half learning to expand end experiment her sexuality" to undo those cultural teachings makes sense. But the same applies for us, the males. The same cultural context seems to encourage us to explore and learn, but narrowing the exploration scope to make us fit certain stereotypes. The funny thing is, once you meet an "experimented" women, you may feel your sexuality limited as soon as she asks you for something going beyond the stereotype.

So, we're facing both sides of the same coin here. Women learns not to explore, men learns to prettend we know, when what we know is signed by this assumption about us knowing better than women.

We, males, have as much to explore and learn about our sexuality and about the female sexuality as women does, even when in the surface we both could be fitting the sterotypes about who should know better and who shouldn't.

If you don't aknowledge this, then you'd be asking women to take the burden of learning everithing from the scratch to avoid their stereotypes, while you remain sticking to the male stereotype. It's isn't just a matter of fairness, but that you could easily be left behind at the kinder when she's finishing the University.

[wyandly]

LOL! Good point! I wasn't thinking much beyond the scope of the OP's 1st question. But I do agree with the point. It may not even be only unfair, but perhaps arrogant as well, and partly why western sexual mores are in this mess to begin with.
For example, and as proof of my agreement, look at how it was believed (by men) that men are only single orgasmic and women 'never' ejaculate. Later, when it is learned that women can and do ejaculate, when the methods for helping women do this where developed (I'm talking about about kegel exercises in particular), it became apparent that men could become multi-orgasmic when they used the same methods. (source: "The G spot" by Ladas, Whipple, and Perry) This is what happens when people pick and choose what they want to see, they always get surprises.

I'm not trying to promote stereotypes, that doesnt seem to help things much. But it is true, it's easy to not see the other side, especially if I dont belive anythings wrong with my understanding. Thats why I have to keep learning myself... I'm here because I believe there is something wrong, something missing, from the mainstream approach to humman sexuality...
Men and women are cut from the same block, yeah, I'll buy that.

[chrisunion]

It was my wife fantasy to do a mfm, and I was not turned on to the idea but I agreed to let it happen. But to my surprise seeing her give a blow job to another man, and watching how turn on, and excited she was when he enter her pussy with his cock, did turn me on. And seeing how out of control she became when we both fucked her at the same time was awesome. It also built up her self confidence about her body due to the fact she has such small breasts, and could please two guys at the same time. The other guy got to fuck her, but she doesn't love him she loves me.

[clutch]

Originally Posted by couplewanting50

Was the post edited? It does not say that he owns his wife. Am I missing something here?

Possibly... it connotes the necessity of "permission," for one man to let [allow] another fuck his wife. It kind of misses the whole spirit of swinging, and the question does seem to be a little mean-spirited. Personally, I agree with Spoo's outstanding arguement.

On the other hand, I want to balance it by saying that I voluntarily submit to my wife because I love her--and I've learned (the hard way) to respect her intuition. (She's Rhode's Scholar brilliant, by the way so I'm not demeaning her intellect).

And, conversely, because she loves me, she voluntarily submits to me in the same way I submit to her. This is not a demanding, king or queen thing. It's just an act of love between us. Regard O'Henry's tale about the watch fob and the comb.

As far as the sex goes, we both agree on multiple dicks and pussies! We actually agreed to this, by the by, almost from the time we started dating.

[swing52001]

My wife is either not curious enough or not bold enough to have tried having sex with another person. I have invited her to try on many occasions and she knows the invitation is open ended. If she feels like it I have encouraged her to go for it. If she decides to try another man (or woman for that matter) it will be at her sole discretion. We are not each other's chattels. We posess only the emotion that is the basis and strength of our 37 year relationship. Everything else is shared. Well, except for the domestic stuff she says I neglect
Mr. Spoo, you got it right.

[hardinthewoods]

I want my wife to fuck other men. I think it is sexy. I also like her to smoke once in awhile. Women who smoke are generally loose and like casual sex (just an observation, not scientific) while women who don't smoke are generally more pure or repressed however you want to put it. When my wife gets out and has sex it makes her more experienced, more confident, and builds her self-esteem. Who doesn't want a woman like that? She is already smart as a whip and love sme to death, she just needs to get out and have fun. She spent way too much time hiding behind momma's skirt and the mor eshe gest out the more she likes it.

When it gets to the point where she is buying hot outfits to wear just for the other fellas and talks to them while I eat her pussy I will feel as though I have made a positive change in the intraverted, shy, mess of a woman I married years ago.

As long as she is safe and doesn't get sick or fall in love it is cool. Hell, I would even watch videos of her in action. I think that would turn both of us on.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by hardinthewoods

I want my wife to fuck other men. I think it is sexy. I also like her to smoke once in awhile. Women who smoke are generally loose and like casual sex (just an observation, not scientific) while women who don't smoke are generally more pure or repressed however you want to put it. When my wife gets out and has sex it makes her more experienced, more confident, and builds her self-esteem. Who doesn't want a woman like that? She is already smart as a whip and love sme to death, she just needs to get out and have fun. She spent way too much time hiding behind momma's skirt and the mor eshe gest out the more she likes it.

When it gets to the point where she is buying hot outfits to wear just for the other fellas and talks to them while I eat her pussy I will feel as though I have made a positive change in the intraverted, shy, mess of a woman I married years ago.

As long as she is safe and doesn't get sick or fall in love it is cool. Hell, I would even watch videos of her in action. I think that would turn both of us on.

Excuse me, I understand those ideas may arouse you but, they're on top of a prejudice's pile about women, human behavior and sexuality.

A woman who smoke ins't more lose nor likely to have more casual sex than a non smoker one, but for sure she's more likely to have a lung cancer.

It's your life and it isn't my business, but to avoid some newbie, curiuous or lurker reading this thread from being misslead on what swinging is about and what isn't, I have to say that you hardly would hear a swinger address his wife as "the mess of a woman he married years ago", not to claim swinging is a way to make a change on her behavior and/or the way he perceives his wife.

Sorry, but I found your words disrespectfull towards your wife (your business) and towards women in general.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

Sorry, but I found your words disrespectfull towards your wife (your business) and towards women in general.

Spoomonkey

[r_poseidon]

I think everyone totally misjudged the original poster when he asked ".... LET another man...". (I felt no need to write the whole thing out). I see nothing wrong with this wording. Now I am not some dominant asshole (no offense of course to those who are), and MZ is not dom either. But yes, I do *let* her fuck other guys, I do *let* other guys fuck her, just as equally as she graciously *LETS* me fuck other women. The word "let" does not connotate ownership.
I wholeheartedly agree with Monkey-Man's :-) well written post, that this is done together, as a couple, as a journey, etc etc etc. But the simple fact remains that if neither party has permission to do this... it's not "swinging". Just because you are swinging and happy and stable in your relationship doesn't mean that you don't need permission to engage in these activities. You need permission just as much as you need good communication skills, trust, and love. If MZ felt that this was going to far, and wanted to quit, she would be effectively withdrawing her *permission*.
I have no problem admitting that I need her permission, that I need her to *let* me do these things. I need it just as equally as she does, and when we agree on that, when we agree that we are ok with this and say it's ok for each other to do it, that is when the journey begins.
Does this make any sense? I don't want to start a fight here, and I may be missing something, but it seems that a few people sort of over-reacted to the original post is all.