What makes a man let another man fuck his wife?

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by couplewanting50

Was the post edited? It does not say that he owns his wife. Am I missing something here?

No, it's just the idea of "letting" someone do something with your spouse. That suggests "ownership" and your lending your spouse out. Like Spoo said, it's like letting someone use your tools. My wife can do what she wants, I just make it possible by not being an overbearing, jealous person. And she loves me, and respects me for it. In love you find freedom.

Mr. WS

[wyandly]

No, I dont think it was edited... The OP never said explicitly anything about owning his wife. Its what was said Implicitly. The question was based on a assumption that the one guy would give his 'permission' and 'share' 'his' wife with another guy.

Spoomonkey, Sereniders, et.al, are saying that the answer to the OP's question is: "your assumption is incorrect".

I kinda wish the OP would come back and give his appretiation for the answers, maybe something like a "ah, that makes sense!" Oh well....

[couplewanting50]

I certainly agree with all those who have expressed that a man does not own his wife. Having said that, I did not take his use of the word, let, to communicate ownership.

I very much enjoy this phrase from a preceding post: In love you find freedom.

I wish for my wife to know total freedom in the having of pleasures. We each wish for the other to know such freedoms. It is also through the mutual respect of one another's feelings, we each want to play in the same rooom with one another, for example, that we love one another. I do not think that respecting someone's feelings is being owned.

I think, ultimately, the use of the word, let, was rooted in the mutual respect issue, rather than ownership, and that the word in this context is benign.

I might say, conversationally, that I give my wife freedom to have absolutely any pleasure she craves. One could agonize over the word give, or not.

The flip side of this would be the circumstance where a spouse said, I will do anything I want because you don't own me. An essentially defiant remark, even if it is true.

It is not always possible to adequately communicate tone and meaning in the written word.

[josephanthony69]

AMEN!! When I stop having new experiences I know I'll be dead..because if not..I will have been bored to death by the total sameness!

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

There is a fundamental flaw in your question and I almost didn't catch it. In fact, I wrote a box-full of response before it hit me that I was answering a defective wringer.

To ask why a man would let another man fuck his wife is like asking a man why he'd let another man borrow his tools. My tools are mine - can get lost - and don't have the wits to come home once they've been used. I own my tools, I bought and paid for my tools, and my tools are with me whether they like it or not.

My wife, on the other hand... She's with me because - for some reason - after running a gauntlet of men before me - decided that she was more than willing to stop and be with me. I don't own her, I don't control her and I DON'T loan her out.

You see - swinging isn't about me letting other men fuck her. Swinging is about us, partners in crime, experiencing adventures that we - as a couple - want to share. Those adventures include her fucking other men, yes, but they also include me fucking other women, us fucking other couples and a few other interesting combinations and pile ups. We do this together - in agreement - and we smile (sometimes laugh) together about it later.

Your question is flawed because I do not let other men fuck my wife - she does. She does so while respecting me and allowing me to give her permission to do so - and accepting when my gut tells me "no." Wives are not chattel.

I've seen a LOT of disrespect in the lifestyle - heartless husbands forcing their wives into a swing scene that isn't for them. And I've watched a lot of wives cat through a club with an attitude of "my husband will just have to deal with it" as she picks and does whoever she wants while hubby sits at the bar drinking and pissed...

I can assure you that this is not a picture of us - and fortunately it is not a picture of most of the active posters on this board.

Spoomonkey

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by couplewanting50

I certainly agree with all those who have expressed that a man does not own his wife. Having said that, I did not take his use of the word, let, to communicate ownership.

I very much enjoy this phrase from a preceding post: In love you find freedom.

I wish for my wife to know total freedom in the having of pleasures. We each wish for the other to know such freedoms. It is also through the mutual respect of one another's feelings, we each want to play in the same rooom with one another, for example, that we love one another. I do not think that respecting someone's feelings is being owned.

I think, ultimately, the use of the word, let, was rooted in the mutual respect issue, rather than ownership, and that the word in this context is benign.

I might say, conversationally, that I give my wife freedom to have absolutely any pleasure she craves. One could agonize over the word give, or not.

The flip side of this would be the circumstance where a spouse said, I will do anything I want because you don't own me. An essentially defiant remark, even if it is true.

It is not always possible to adequately communicate tone and meaning in the written word.

Fair enough. English isn't my born language, so I easily missunderstand this sort of things, altough I believe the remaining ones sharing my oppinion could argue based on more solid grounds.

But, admitting I could be way wrong about this, it wasn't only the use of the word let what leads me to conclude the OP is talking about ownership, it was also the way it was used in the thread topic:

What makes a man let another man fuck his wife?

instead of, let say:

What makes a man let his wife fuck another man?

Even when te later could be a strongest implication of ownership, it also would focus on the relationship between the man and his wife, being the other man the accesory, while in the former it sounds to me like a male thing, the focus is set on both males relationship being the wife the accesory. And as for me, this choice for the order of words enhanced my undestanding on the way he used the word let, even besides what he meant to say.

Communication require both parties, the message sender and the receiver to construct the message meaning. It isn't just about that the sender meant to say, implying necesarily that the missunderstandings are the receiver's exclusive responsibility. When you talk or write, you do it for someone, taking into account there could be missunderstandings. If you rely only on what you meant to say as the only grounds for the meaning, you'd be being selfish, pretending the others to cross to your side of the river instead of trying to meet them in the middle way.

And again, this is a subjective interpretation of meaning. However, this is what we do everyday to evaluate someone's personality, let say, to decide if he's a possible playmate. After this post title, the alarm rings on my head, making the OP unelegible as a playmate, just because of the risk that could impose for my wife to be deemed as an accesory as well. And this is to point out the importance the receiver have in the meaning construction, because at this point, for those things that could affect my life besides the therotical questions, what he could meant to say (or any correction he could make unable to counterweight my original impression) doesn't count anymore.

[cuzzeyesaidso]

Damn. Yall are spending a lot of time and getting waaay to deep on this one. So while yall continue to abuse this dead horse I'm going to fuck me another man's wife.

LOL!!!!

Seriously, the answer is simple. Some people get off on seeing their spouse fuck other people. IMHO it wouldn't be swinging if you only fucked your spouse.

And I do ant to fuck somebody's wife right now.

[getnit2gethr]

Never thought I'd see that question on a swingers board. I guess you're either thinking about it or just here to bash us. I'll assume you're thinking about it. Ask youself what keeps you from letting a man fuck your wife. Jeleousy? Insecurity? Fear? Then ask yourself if it is rational to feel that way. Hope this helps.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by cuzzeyesaidso

Some people get off on seeing their spouse fuck other people. IMHO it wouldn't be swinging if you only fucked your spouse.

And I do ant to fuck somebody's wife right now.

Then, it's all about males fulfilling wishes with toys called wifes: I lend you my toy and you lend me yours.

I see why you didn't get the point Spoo and others pointed out.

[Roundstic]

Thanks for all the replys it has nothing to do with ownership, I'm the one that wants to do it and suggested it! We have done it four times and I have no desire to do it with someone elses spouse just MFM and was wondering if there was any reason other than the obvious !! LET was way too deep nothing to do with me being the boss. Now if she had written and said letting my husband fuck other men would it have gone off on that tangent?? I doubt it!
Thank you Thank you for the insight I now have to go and give my special lady a back massage and then paint her toe nails after I brush her hair!

[couplewanting50]

To the men, why do you enjoy your wives being sexual with other men?

What do you do to nurture and encourage her sexuality?

In the hotwife lifestyle, the man's main pleasure is his wife's sexual fulfillment. Do any of you embrace the hotwife philosophy?

[avid]

Do I get the sense you are being a little tongue-in-cheek, roundstic?

Thanks for coming back to the thread!

For more insight on your original question, you might enjoy reading The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers by Terry Gould. He addresses swinging from various angles, and in fact talks about a theory of what sharing his wife does to a man's ejaculation.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by avid

(...) and in fact talks about a theory of what sharing his wife does to a man's ejaculation.

I'd like to hear that one.

[OnHArry]

Frankly I don't know why, it really doesn't make any sense when you think about it. For example tonight while I am working the afternoon shift my wife will be entertaining a visitor and they will not be having tea and cookies, at least not for the first while anyway.

I like to know the exact time they get together so I can envision it in my mind, and it gets me so horny thinking about it. Can't explain it but maybe some things just cannot be explained, who knows. Anyway she has fun and I think about it, and then when I get home and she tells me about it I have fun and she has fun.

Hmm seems a bit unequal doesn't it. LOL

[wyandly]

I'm not a swinger in anyway, just a plain 'vanilla' grafted onto a polyamourus frame-of-mind. My experience in the vanilla world, both personal and listening to other 'vanillas' has taught me that the quality of sex depends on how well each individual owns their experience. I read somewhere on another thread in here, someone talked about the problems in their marriage after 35 years, due to wife having a bad attitude toward sex. This is what I'm talking about. So for me, its a no-brainer, helping the wife own and explore her sexuality, in any way thats not abusive or damaging, means better sex for both husband and wife.
:]

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by wyandly

So for me, its a no-brainer, helping the wife own and explore her sexuality, in any way thats not abusive or damaging, means better sex for both husband and wife.
:]

Well, I can assure you most swingers doesn't swing as a sexual therapy, and if you look around in the Forums, you'll notice most of us advice against attempting to swing as a therapy or resort to work around the sexuality problems the couple may have.

Back to the OP question: I realize it is a rewording from another thread question and certainly I preffer this wording. Moreover, it was clever to provide the hotwife lifestyle frame for the question because this makes a difference.

IMO the answer isn't the same for the hotwife lifestylers than for the "swingers", and even when we may see the hotwife lifestyle as a swingers lifestyle subset when we consider the common aspects of "sharing our sexualily with other people", preciselly because the answer to THIS very question differs I believe the hotwife lifestyle deserves to be set appart from the singers one: at least for the males, this answer leads to two very different mindsets.

For example, that other post wording made me suspect the poster mindset could come from the hotwife lifestyle (the OP last post greatly reinforced this idea), and that thread discussion came from the way this mindset collides with the swinger's one.

For the swinger who's not into hotwife the whole question seems to be off ground as soon as it could suppose the answer could vary based on the gender. He would say "the question for me should be: why a spouse (male or female) enjoy the other spouse fucking other people?" and the answers comming both from the males and females would be pretty much the same.

For the swinger who's into the hotwife, in the other hand, there's a thrill related with the hot wife that makes explicit the inequality of genders, which is ok for them but conflictive for those swingers who aren't into the hotwife. The male and female part of this couple are supposed to provide different answers based on gender and role (if not, the question wouldn't be addressed to the males).

To support the idea of the "inequality", we should notice there isn't such a thing like the hot husband for the females in the lifestyle.

So, it would be good to say everyone's point of view about the hotwife subject (if it's a turn on or not) along with the answers.